Yes, you have it, too. Everyone else knows, so there is no sense in your attempt to pretend both the goody shoes fit. Time for a four-year-old question: Why (do we behave badly)?
Inner Child
How many times have you heard….
Some of our bad behavior is an attempt to hold on to the innocent, fun, not-characterized-by-responsibility childhood we remember. Our impertinence is less about thumbing our noses at behaving well as it is about embracing the inner child. Some of those bad behaviors result from the adult knowledge of the consequences of that bad behavior:
- Button pushing
- The standard “joke”
- Name calling or teasing
- Clothing choices
We do these things merely for the reaction they will get from our peers. This level of bad behavior is most often an annoyance, a quirk or a signature. We are sticking our tongues out at the accepted version of how we should act for our age.
Ignorance or Stupidity?
The cure for ignorance is knowledge. When we fail to foresee the consequences of our actions, bad behavior is often forgiven. That forgiveness comes with a price. The most common price tag is the (not so) gentle ribbing of our peers, the face palm or the disapproving head shake from our authority figures. You usually get advice about behaving better for the price.
Consequences are rough.
On the other hand, when we know full well what the consequences of our actions are, and we forge ahead without regard to them, we are less likely to be granted a mulligan. This classic bad behavior is the kind we have the ability to stop. It is a choice.
Negative Emotions
When we are hurt or angry, we often forgo our conventional controls and behave badly. Disappointment, failure and feeling alone can drive us to do things to get attention. These actions are much like the release of the inner child, but not innocent. They support the belief:
Lashing out at others to spread the negative emotions gives legs to the theory Misery loves company. When we feel bad, we behave badly in the hope others will recognize the presence of something wrong and intervene on our behalf. Either we want them to change their behavior or validate our feelings of (pain, slight, sadness). Some of the ways the misery spreads are:
- Bringing up hurtful and/or irrelevant memories
- Unforgiveness
- Deflecting our inadequacies onto others
- Refusing to acknowledge our own culpability
- Breaking objects
- Violence
By causing others pain or disappointment, we move from being a victim to being a perpetrator. This adoption of power is bad behavior. Failing to acknowledge our own contribution to the situation is our way of absolving ourselves of the responsibility to do the right thing.
Conquer
The one thing all bad behaviors have in common is the choice. We know in advance there is a different choice and intentionally do not select it. In the absence of knowing a better way, our support systems point us toward another path. The next time the situation to behave badly presents itself, we make better choices.
Engaging in repeated bad behavior is indicative of the choice to behave badly.
The choice is yours.
Bad behavior is riding the carousel. Are you ready to get off?
Do you, your siblings or Mate resort to bad behavior during conflict? Have you stopped riding the carousel? How do you react to those who are still on the bad behavior carousel?
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© Red Dwyer 2012
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Day B
Bear
/ April 2, 2012I see a lot of people with behavior problems, to me it is the “look at me” syndrome. And since there are normally no consequences they keep doing the same thing over and over again. No one has the guts to tell them to stop.
Or they have such a line of bs that everyone feels sorry for them. All it takes is someone with enough guts to say enough and make it stick.
But I’m a bully.
Red
/ April 2, 2012There is a rash of it going around. Then again, I have always been a bully.
Sue Dreamwalker
/ April 2, 2012Great post and love the Growing Up is Optional!.. I think I have at times gone into my second childhood! and Never will I Be Old… Im as Young as I feel.. 🙂 Enjoy your Evening Red.. ~Sue
Sue Dreamwalker recently posted..Mediums~Natives~And Healers.
Red
/ April 2, 2012All of us have an inner child. Some of us repress it better than others. Those who engage Inner Child stay young. That would be me 😉 xxx
Androgoth
/ April 2, 2012Yes and Me too 🙂
Now who’s wants to
play off ground tig? 🙂
There is another version
but I am being good tonight 🙂
Androgoth XXx
Red
/ April 2, 2012If you start with another round of tig, I am never going to be able to finish this series!!
M. J. Joachim
/ April 2, 2012While it might seem a bit off-topic, I see nothing wrong with telling it like it is, provided you consider the company you’re engaging. However, I also consider it extremely rude (and very bad behavior) to always think your personal opinion is the be all/end all of what needs to be said. I suppose I’m referring to dysfunctional behavior in these comments, more than acting silly, which is direction I think your post intended to take, Red. At any rate, it’s a very well thought out article, worthy of consideration and discussion. Thank you for sharing it with us.
M. J. Joachim recently posted..Bullion Stitch
Red
/ April 2, 2012We covered the tell it like it is behaviors in the Tell the Truth series. There are none of us whose opinion is the absolute on any subject. Shamefully, some never learn this.
Thank you for stopping by today, MJ!
Binky
/ April 2, 2012What?? What are you saying?!
Binky recently posted..Cosmic Insignificance
Red
/ April 2, 2012Oh, not you, Binky. You already told me you were always right…Aren’t you?
Binky
/ April 2, 2012Well yes, but I thought for a moment there you might be doubting me.
Binky recently posted..Cosmic Insignificance
Glory Lennon
/ April 2, 2012I usually smile and wave when there is conflict and then I seethe for hours later. That’s mature, right? LOL Great post!
Glory Lennon recently posted..Ch108 Queen of the world
Alexandra Heep
/ April 2, 2012I disagree on the childhood thing – since I WAS the one who was the subject of other people’s bad comments, teasing and bullying, I never engaged in it myself.
Oh, I am no goody two shoes, but my negative behavior later in adulthood was fueled by negative people around me. At the time, of course, I did not get it.
Now I can at least recognize the situations/people and make an effort to re-direct.
Alexandra Heep recently posted..B is for Beatles
Red
/ April 2, 2012And more often, it is the pack mentality which fosters more bad behavior. Unfortunately, many never get to the place where they realize that mentality hurts others. There is strength in saying no.
Red.
Tom
/ April 2, 2012Red, I think I’ve embraced my Inner Child, and my mind is young (younger than my body anyway), but occasionally, I’ll do something bad. Not always intentional, and not always pleasant either. To me, that is… the consequences are far worse than my behaviour… interesting post!
Tom recently posted..Message from the Universe: Do!
Red
/ April 2, 2012Heavyweight consequences are normally what keep us in line the next time. Glad you stopped by today, Tom.
Raymond Alexander Kukkee
/ April 2, 2012Great post, Red. I’m so quiet and respectful as I sit in the corner office, mumbling to aliens, but repress the inner child because he would totally kick the *sses of nasties, miserables,, deviates, abusers, perpetrators, crooked, stupids, greedies and other social hypocrites if let out. Would that constitute bad behaviour? I don’t think so, it’s just retribution. (ie vigilante justice) That could be immensely satisfying…….. “:)
Raymond Alexander Kukkee recently posted..Political Sanctions: Punishment for Voting Democratically
Red
/ April 2, 2012Here, here on the immensely satisfying. As Alex pointed out, there are some bad behaviors which fall into the inner child category which are far more sinister than being merely childish. MJ pointed out she is one who tells it like it is. I think there is a fine line between the brutal truth and behaving badly…most of the time it is the forgoing of the violence which saves the day 😉
George
/ April 2, 2012For me, it’s a struggle to try to remind myself that I’m supposed to be an adult. It’s a secret thrill sometimes to resort to childish behavior when I’m not a careful. 🙂
George recently posted..Pop Minstrel
Red
/ April 2, 2012Over the years, I would like to believe I have gotten better about this…but then I read the things I still write and shake my head…
Rick Daley
/ April 2, 2012I don’t try to behave badly, but I know I have my moments. I blame my humanity. If I were a different species, perhaps dolphin or panda, I might be more consistent. But who knows. Maybe dolphins and pandas are really the biggest selfish jerks of the animal kingdom and we can’t see it because they’re cute. My kids have that same defense mechanism.
Rick Daley recently posted..A-Z Challenge: Batman Begins
Red
/ April 2, 2012I only have ten children so I am certain I have Nooooooooooooooooooooooo idea what you are talking about! Good to see you tonight, Rick!
Binky
/ April 2, 2012Actually I have an inner Wombie. But feeding it chocolate usually keeps it under control.
Binky recently posted..Cosmic Insignificance
Red
/ April 2, 2012See, I would have guessed it would have been the wine gums which would have subdued it. You are right. The more I learn about them, the more I do not know.
Raymond Alexander Kukkee
/ April 2, 2012Red, you must know about Gummy Bears. They can soothe the inner child….. “:)
Raymond Alexander Kukkee recently posted..Political Sanctions: Punishment for Voting Democratically
Red
/ April 2, 2012You need to visit Wombania and check out the Wombies and the wine gums. So much better than gummy bears…