We have discussed the fear of failure. Today, we are going to discuss the acceptance of failure.
What are the odds?
What are the odds? Shrug.
Before we get to accepting failure, we need to look at the probability we will have to accept failure. For the purposes of this discussion, failure is the unsuccessful attempt to procure, engage in relationships/marriage, make sound business/monetary decisions, maintain employment and navigate social situations.
It is inevitable.
While I cannot deny success is far from a guarantee in every instance, I have a hard time grasping the concept of inevitability. To subscribe to this theory means you will absolutely fail. Ultimately, the failure is something to which you are resigned.
Often, failure is a self-fulfilling ideal. Believing before you begin you will fail contributes to a lack of effort. Why invest (money, energy, emotional capital) into a venture you deem likely to fail? Lack of investment translates to failure. You do not commit enough resources to make the venture succeed.
What is 50/50?
It is 50/50.
This is another theory which is a hard pill to swallow. To subscribe means there is enough randomness to success to only attain a half probability. The optimistic side of this idea is you have no greater chance of failure than of success.
The theory holds no accounting for personal input, necessarily the outcome is predetermined based on factors beyond your control.
It happens.
Calculate the odds.
This choice is more palatable. Failure does happen, but the probability of it is determinant of the effort put into success. Optimists often subscribe to this theory on the basis they can control enough aspects of the venture to make success a greater probability than failure.
No Failure
The opposite end of the failure spectrum is to deem nothing is a failure. While the division of the camps herein are mutually exclusive, this idea has merit.
"No chance it is my fault."
Deniers: Failure is not their own because their failure is a direct result of outside influence (man, nature, higher power). Deniers resemble the Inevitable crowd, in they see the failure as a possibility, yet when it occurs, it is not their fault. In other words, when failure does occur, it only does as a matter of actions beyond their control.
Failure is not an option.
Adapters: Failure is a learning tool and merely a step toward success, whether necessary or merely unintended. Adapters do not believe failure is a viable outcome. When failure occurs, it is a middle ground where (technique, methodology, perspective) is changed to ensure success.
Thomas Edison’s quote is an example of adapters. When asked how he felt about his 700 failed attempts to invent the light bulb, he said:
I have not failed 700 times. I have not failed once. I have succeeded in proving that those 700 ways will not work. When I have eliminated the ways that will not work, I will find the way that will work.”
Success or Failure?
Determining Failure
There is a massive amount of grey area between complete success and utter failure. To some, failure is not attaining precisely the destination. For example, a racer may feel coming in third place a failure because the race was won by another. The racer who came in second to last does not feel like a failure because the race was completed without crashing the car.
Using this analogy discounts the Inevitable theory because it acknowledges failure and success are not an absolute in all matters. In fact, we can all engage in the same behavior, like the racers, and feel our efforts are successful or unsuccessful based wholly on our concept of what the goal is.
Blame the blowout.
Knowing how much of our failure is our own responsibility is another large field of grey. Deniers are certain all failure is the product of someone or something else. The last racer finished the race a lap behind because a blowout required more pit time than could be made up before the end of the race.
The Happens crowd takes more responsibility for success. They recognize the harder they try to succeed the more often they will be successful. The reciprocal is not always true. They are not necessarily accepting of their responsibility when their efforts fail to produce the expected results.
Half Chance
50/50 believes regardless of what they do, failure is in the (cards, stars, providence). They are not likely to take much responsibility for failure.
The least amount of responsibility is taken by the Inevitable bunch. Since failure is determined by circumstances and influences beyond their control, they bear no responsibility for failure.
What is your level?
On some level, we all have no choice to accept the consequences of our own failures. We either admit they exist with or without caveats, or we use them to refine our method for success.
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Where is your comfort level with failure? How is it possible to fail and not refine the method for success? How much responsibility for failure should you take?
In discussing this matter with someone else, I got the following quote. Please tell me if you agree or disagree, which group is most like to use the quote and whether it applies to you or someone in your direct social circle.
Acceptance of responsibility is less important than finding someone to blame.”
Androgoth
/ January 22, 2012One would have to be a genius or self centred egoist to think that one can never fail at anything and if that failure occurs through no fault of anyone else’s then of course the blame is self illuminating, nobody can shift responsibilities or attach blame onto others in these circumstances though many do I suppose.
It is important to accept ones shortcomings so that the next time around the lessons are clearly learnt, and so improving the chances of success. Blaming someone else for one’s own errors is the defeatist attitude and no matter whom is blamed other than self, the failure is always within the one that fails so what is the point in shifting the blame?
This is another thought provoking posting Red and thank you for offering this one as it has so many different portions to examine 🙂
Androgoth XXx
Red
/ January 22, 2012This was borne of a very intense and long conversation I had with a dear friend. I have never been able to reconcile not seeing the error of ways. While I am often faulted for failing to wear my mistakes as badges of honor (which I truly do not understand), I have always used them to forge better techniques and to illuminate the path so others need not make mistakes I have made or witnessed.
I more than thought of splitting this into more than one post, but I think I like it better as one long one where I can peel the pieces off like artichoke leaves for a later time when the subject arises again.
Thank you for calling by to this one, Andro. As always, your comments and thoughts are appreciated.
Red.
Androgoth
/ January 22, 2012You are most welcome my great friend and I too am looking forward to reading everyone’s thoughts on this one, I like to add whatever I am thinking and then return later to view all the different thoughts and ideas, which on the majority of your postings are many, and the quality of those comments are directly influenced by your wonderful blending of topics within a single post, your presentation is always immaculately displayed and the focus centred around the whole theme offers so many different responses.
I like calling in here Red as one never knows what will be on the menu next and that is rather exciting I think 🙂
Have a great rest of evening Red, my coffee is calling 🙂
Androgoth XXx
Derek Mansker
/ January 22, 2012Failure happens, but I don’t believe it needs to be the norm. We would be delusional to think it didn’t happen. I don’t particularly mind failure because it does contribute to individual growth. I don’t look for it, but learn from it.
Red
/ January 22, 2012I think you would be equally delusional if you did look for it! I always find it a growing opportunity.
Thanks for stopping by to comment, Derek.
Red.
awarewriter
/ January 22, 2012Red. That quote is total horse hockey. Bosses (not leaders) are fond of that one, bosses who operate on the theory and practice that blame always goes downhill and praise uphill. Ew!
I’m an adapter, or trying hard to become one. Your example of Thomas Edison is a perfect one. Another would be Col. Sanders who knocked on how many doors before someone accepted his fried chicken recipe offer? I believe failure is an essential part of the learning process. Toddlers learn how to toddle by getting up each time they fall down and don’t look at falling as failure.
My Catholic school education was a ball and chain legacy if there ever was one. Our entire system of education in this country sucks.
John
Red
/ January 22, 2012No doubt, John. Shame private (bias) education is the only shot at getting a fair to middling education here. I joined the ranks of millions in homeschooling as a result of the miserable offerings of the public and private education systems in this place.
Col. Sanders is another great one. I think it was somewhere in the ballpark of over 100. Can you imagine how many pro athletes would never have gotten anywhere if they quit every time they missed? Failure is an opportunity. One just has to fail to apply the definition of insanity to realize it.
Red.
bear
/ January 23, 2012I don’t remember the exact quote but it went something like those who fail to learn from failures are doomed to repeat them. Failure, if you want to call it that, is the learning curve of life. We all fail in one manner or another. It proves we are human, but when we learn from our failures, isn’t that success?
Red
/ January 23, 2012In my book, it is. Especially if we can make the failure into a lesson for others…what not to do. 😉
prenin
/ January 23, 2012If you try and do not succeed then remove all evidence that you ever tried. 🙂
Corporate bullshine demands only success – resulting in a climate where damage limitation becomes the priority…
Love and hugs!
Prenin.
Red
/ January 23, 2012LOL! I love that first quote!! I had a sign which said that which used to hang in my office when I worked in chemical plants.
Thanks for the giggles! {HUGZ} Red.
valentinelogar
/ January 23, 2012Lack of failure is suspect.
Any person who claims they have never failed to achieve their goals on the first attempt is also suspect.
I once knew a man (term used lightly) who at a very young age had achieved very high professional standing. He had a very good academic pedigree and according those who placed him in positions of responsibility and authority and himself, he had achieved very high marks at those Ivy League schools. The problem you ask? He was a ponce. It required no more than a 15 minute conversation with him to realize this fact, he was a charlatan and not a very smart one. He was a ‘success’ through cronyism and believed he needed to do nothing more than sit back and let the riches of his contacts flow to him. Well that only works for so long, eventually stupid is exposed for what it is and even those who promote you will fall to the wayside if you can’t fill the coffers.
I am a risk taker! I know I will make mistakes. I know I will not always succeed but that with each risk my opportunities expand. Failure is always an option, one of course I would prefer to avoid and work hard to avoid but one that exists as part of the equation. If it happens it goes into the ‘intellectual capital’ of what not to do the next time.
Red
/ January 23, 2012I despise nepotism and cronyism every stinking time. Inevitably, the lack of direct or even tangential knowledge outs them when they make the most stupid decisions and then expect all underlings to bobblehead.
I have always been a risk taker. I realize as I age I am not taking fewer risks, but better ones. The bank of intellectual capital has more to loan these days than it did in my youth. Failure to me is still sometimes epic, but it has far fewer casualties than of old.
Red.
christyb
/ January 23, 2012I believe in the “it happens” theory. Bet you saw that one coming! We do have a certain level of control over failure, a certain impact over our environment. Work harder, increase the ability to be successful. I enjoyed that you embraced the topic of failure whereas many shy away from it’s mention as it is easier to look away rather than acknowledge the possibility of negative consequences.
Red
/ January 23, 2012The belief I have that refusal to acknowledge is tantamount to refusal to engage drives me to explore the negativity in an effort to make it positive. I have long been a fount of what not to do, whether I learned it of my own accord or merely observed the train wreck of others. I stand by my statement knowing what not to do is often more important than knowing what to do.
Red.
Raymond alexander kukkee
/ January 23, 2012Failure at some things is inevitable. Success at some things is also quite likely. The only important thing is to learn from both failure and success. Fine-tune the effort, understand WHY you failed, or WHY you succeeded — and always aim higher. Bear is right ON…if we have learned from our failure, seen the errors of our ways, adjusted the potential which we all possess– any outcome can be deemed success.
Red
/ January 23, 2012I agree with you both. I am an adapter. I have spent a large part of my life making epic decisions with varying degrees of success, but only in the press releases which follow. I see failure as a learning tool. Success is something to be replicated, but I find no joy in the repetition unless I can share the recipe for it with others.
Red.
ansuyo
/ January 23, 2012I am the kind of learner who goes at something in as many different ways as I can until I figure it out. I am the kind of teacher who approaches learning with as many different arrows in my quiver as I can, so that I find the one that works for each individual student. Too many give up at the first hint of frustration, or when they’ve run into one or two walls. Sometimes, failure will happen.
I have a learning disability called Discalculia. This is related to basic math (my daughter has it too). I can do high end math, in fact, I love it, but I cannot balance my checkbook. Am I a failure because of this? I suppose in some sense because balancing a checkbook is kind of important. However, I find other ways to do the things I need to do, including balancing of the checkbook. If I give up: I have failed. If I back up and try another way: I am a success, because I am still trying, still seeking my success goal, whatever that may be. If I quit or stop trying, I have no one to blame but myself. I may however, determine that my time is better spent pursuing other goals. That doesn’t equate with failure, it just changes my track.
Hmmmmm, did that answer the question or just raise more? Good post Ann Marie 🙂
Red
/ January 23, 2012It did answer a lot of the questions. You have the right attitude. You are an adapter. As long as it is working, no need to fix it! Just remember, sometimes adjusting the goal can help the success become easier to attain.
Red.
lorrelee1970
/ January 24, 2012I’m okay with failing, but I’m not okay with quitting. Failure is just another opportunity to try again, try harder, think smarter. In a fit of rage, I suppose I have blamed others for certain failures, but utimately it’s all on me to make the most out of all moments and situations.
Red
/ January 24, 2012You are an adapter, too. And as long as the blame is a transient thing both you and the blamee understand (except for the telephone company…it is always their fault), failure is just a temporary detour toward success.