All Fake

And the award goes to...

In case you missed it, M3 awarded 29 blogs one of the following four awards: Versatile Blogger, Liebster, Candle Lighter, Sunshine. Blogs ranged from inspirational to hilarious to eclectic. Each one of them touches your host, but touched someone else completely differently …or not at all.

Karla hails and hatemails from Finland. She had a bone to pick with me about the awards handed out in Gold Stars. She is certain there is nothing in M3 which has any value, much less enough to have garnered the awards found in the Trophy Room.

But she was not satisfied M3 was the only fake in the mix:

None of those blogs have anything in them. They are all blocked. Of course you are giving the fake awards to pepole who invite you to their blogs but don’t let anybody else in. They are probably all porn sites.”

She went on to rail about bloggers giving each other awards, but questioned what bloggers would know about quality blogging. (Feel free to scratch your head. I did.)

Because I am hateful like that…

It is bad for you, you know.

I summoned all the power of Google. Low and behold, Karla is a blogger, albeit quite a lonely one. She blogs to her four followers about cats. And the avatars of her followers? You guessed it, her cats.

I sweetly emailed her back:

Perhaps, I could suggest a mask when you clean your litter box. I understand the fumes are toxic and could cause antisocial behavior in humans.”


That’s my line!

Some of you have been following along in Story Time, where I have been creating the workable pieces of what will eventually be fleshed into a book. The story (which still needs a title, hint, hint) is being constructed according to an outline I have scrawled on the back of a page in my folder beside my laptop.

Despite its complete lack of planning, it appears it resembles an unpublished work in the possession of a Nova Scotian. Patrick hatemailed me irate and demanded how I got the manuscript from his now defunct Dell desktop computer.

I dont know how you got it off there cuz it hasnt worked in two years. It got some virus and would not work. It was prolly you sneding your worm to steal my story. I know you changed all the names and nobody was in love in my story but I know you stole it.”

He went on to explain how much better his version of the story is because it has aliens and zombies. Now, I have gone back and read everything I have written thus far to see if there is any plausible way the two could be mistaken as vaguely similar. Alas, I could not. I cheerily replied:

I decided it was far better to have people in love, after all they are not aliens, but abductees. I think I may have to take you up on the idea of the zombies, however, as I see a perfect place to inject an undead deputy in Sheriff Strickland’s command. Meanwhile, could I point you to one of the many self-publishing platforms?”


You’re a slut.

In a post I likened to the millions of get to know your friends posts on MySpace, Facebook, Google+ and every other social network, I took Raven’s tag to answer ten questions about myself. I went over the list very carefully before I clicked the publish button, as I am wont to do.

The North Dakotan who was outraged about this post makes a return trip to Friday Follies. Remember Elaine? She is back in the hatemail box, but this time it is all about me.

I seen what you do now. You advice all those womens to get divorced so you can wear your slut shoes with there husbands.”

You know I did not miss an opportunity to discourse with what has to be a true fan:

Dearest Elaine,

The Red Educational Shoe Award

Thank you for your email about the blog. You may have forgotten from my last email, but I do not give advice to individuals. I write blog posts about the possibilities and opportunities of marriage and divorce.

And just so you know, I do not wear “slut shoes”. But just because you emailed me again, I am awarding you the Educational Shoe award. It is designed using a pair of my own, very sensible shoes. Feel free to print it and hang it beside your computer as a token of M3’s esteem.

Keep reading!

PS Did you forget to send me that information on feces as a marital aid?”


I hope your week has been free of the stupid emails which produce the Friday Follies! Have a great weekend!

(c) Ann Marie Dwyer 2012
Reblogging of this or any other post on Momma’s Money Matters is expressly forbidden.
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  1. Good grief. Next step, for psychotherapy, your e-mailers will have to admit they are all idiots who drink far too much every payday.

    • ROFL!!!!!! I have no idea what to make them admit beyond what I name this post every week….STUPID….email. LOL!

  2. Little do they realize they just give you more to blog about. Some people just need to calm down.

    • No doubt. I think I should start interviewing them!

      • That is a really good idea. Give it a try. Who knows, you might come up with some new ideas for rewards to give out.

        • ROFL! Or a new self-help series! But I love the idea of giving them awards so much better! LOL! Thank you, Derek! *still giggling*

  3. Apart from the odd goof off I never get these crazy hitchhikers dropping into my Space for a pathetic moan, or sending me numbskull e mails but they certainly add a flavour to your Friday Follies so I guess that we should be thanking them for having such empty craniums 🙂

    Have fun with the next batch of losers Red 🙂

    Androgoth XXx

    • I think Derek has a wonderful idea of awarding them…What a blog award THAT will be 😉 Have a great night, Andro! Red.

  4. I actually almost feel sorry for these people. I don’t blog about cats, but my cat blogs, that is how lonely I am, so I can relate! 😉 Although, I don’t accuse people of the P word.

    • Some days, when I stop laughing, I do as well. One time, I submitted a poem for publication and was accused of plagiarizing because one of the proctors swore she had heard the poem before. I had to remind her her husband has assigned the poem in the first place. Sheesh.

      Thanks for dropping by, Alex! Red.

  5. We talked about this Red….I am in love with the idea of insertion of Zombies who have fall in love with aliens in burned out wreaks and then have to battle insurance companies who shall of course remain nameless. I have decided though the aliens should crash their spaceship into the lovers car, who were on their way home from a perfectly fine dance night. The aliens being the peaceable sort and law-abiding at that had gotten insurance prior to entering our atmosphere from the company who shall remain nameless. They were unaware the insurance company had been overrun with Zombies!!

    Oh…what fun. I am sure it will make a great addition.

    Sorry had to do it. My brain farted and got a worm, I am sure it is the same one Elaine sent Patrick while searching the Thesaurus for just what in Hades you were talking about.

    • ROFLMAO! I love you! The comments on this one are all the validation I need after the email. *tears in my eyes* Red.

      • I am of course eternally grateful you love me because you are my heroine….I live somewhat vicariously through you (actually majorly vicariously through you). Someday I will go commando, I will work twice as hard and have half as many followers who love me a third as much and read my blog a quarter as often. Then my life will be fulfilled.


  6. I am always shocked by the emails you receive. I’m also always in awe of how kind and well thought out your comments are AND that you post so many posts (how do you do this?). Keep up the good work.

    • Oh, thank you, Julie. The secret is insomnia. No, really I just write that stinking much. An average day for me is around 3,500-5,000 words which “count” and around 5,000 that do not (comments, SM posts, discussions, debates). I have to blame it on a few decades of practice. And everything you write is well-thought out 🙂

  7. Red, You’re Doin it Right.
    LMFAO at your hate mailers.

    As for a title to your book -got caught up by the way and totally dig it- can’t give you any input. Yet. Brain is overloaded the past few weeks.
    It’s so wonderful to read a serial story. Know you didn’t start it out that way, but there’s something wonderful in being able to enjoy it installment by installment. Hmmm wonder if I can DVR your tale to have a marathon on a rainy day -grin-.
    Great post my friend.

    • That is a great idea! But you know I bite at the video end. Perhaps we can collab that part. Rumor has it you know a little bit about video 😉 Hold it together, chick. Remember where I am. {HUGZ} Red.

  8. I love your take on these things Red. Had a nice laugh, needed it.

    All I can say is that for every blogger out there who hates you, there are hundreds who love you..:)

    Keep up you take on life!

    • Thank you for that. I much prefer to make people think and laugh. The information highway rubberneckers make me laugh far more than any other reaction they mean to get from me. 😉

  9. I’m still anxiously awaiting my first hate mail – i am so jealous!

    As a side note; i don’t get the “chain mail” awards going around, where you have to nominate 7-15 bloggers for the same award – if everyone follows the rules, pretty soon everyone has one and they have no merit…

    • That is why so many of us who receive them will either water down the outbound count or group them so all of those receiving have a choice as to which applies to them. They are a measurement of other bloggers opinions of our blogs. That never gets watered down in my eyes. I appreciate every blogger who takes the time to nominate me.

  10. It looks like I’m saner as a Paranoid Schizophrenic than your hatemailers and they’re supposed to be normal! LoL!!!

    Love the porn site! PMSL!!!! 🙂


    • Pren, I am convinced you are far saner than quite a few of the people I encounter on a daily basis. They are hardly the garden variety neurotics we know and love. All I can tell you is…just keep at it. Or…we need to get together and figure out how to build a stinking porn site.


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