Delinquent Dropout

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Friday night has come at last. It is time to open the stupidest inbox in the blogosphere. No only will the weekly warning stand for no liquid in your mouth, an additional, please use the restroom first warning accompanies the 20th edition of Friday Follies.

If you have been following the program, you know we are nearing the midway point in the Blogging A to Z Challenge. Some of the blogosphere’s best have been in and out and buzzing around and about M3. When the comments get thick, so does the hatemail. And this week, my education is on the chopping block or, more appropriately, the witching seat.

Skipping Math

I know in the last 20 editions M3 has been called, exonerated, accused of being and deemed a porn site. Never in my wildest dreams did I think we would pick up a hatemailer who only came to M3 for the pictures (and not via Google Images).

Hatemailing from the great state of Colorado, I think Bunni may have hit her head on a tree off the slopes. The egg on her head was exacerbated by E is for Endorsement.

You never went to school. There are only two things…negative and positive. If it is not one of those it is nothing. You should really read that yellow quote because you would never have said the last one if you did!”

This one came right from the hip. Since I found no reason to endorse her utter lack of reading effort, I thought I should at least endorse her utter inanity.

Dear Bunni,

As you may not have advanced in mathematics to the level of Pre-Algebra, primary taught in the seventh or eighth grade, you must never have found out a whole world of numbers exists outside the negative and the positive. They are right up your alley: Irrational.

I am curious, though. Did you recognize the yellow color as the same as road signs because you were old enough to drive your friends to school in the eighth grade?

F is for [Expletive]

There were quite a few M3 Readers anxious to see what word I was going to choose for the A to Z Challenge for F.  Since this post did not hit the wire in the Once Daily Digest as it should have, many of the comments were from those we have not seen in a while and new M3 Readers.

It was no surprise when the first ode to another F word rang the You have hatemail! button. Curtis hatemailed from the Netherlands to tell me I had it all wrong in F is for Framing.

WTF are you trying to say? There is only one [expletive] picture. The one you live in. Unless you are some  [expletive] psycho and wake up in a different  [expletive] world everyday. All you have to do is look at  [expletive] reality. WTF do you read any way? Or can you  [expletive] read? There is no way you got this from any place but a [expletive] psycho audio book website.”

Since I am one who has never been wont to show my work, I felt no compunction whatso[expletive]ever in telling Curtis what I really thought.

Dear Curtis,

It seems it is time to change your frame, as it is indeed cracked. I am sensing by your insistent use of the word [expletive] you find your sexual encounters lacking, both in quality and frequency. I point out the quality based on your inability to consistently spell [expletive] correctly.

If you would prefer, I could refer you to a few websites which may serve your needs better than M3, but I hear the red light district in your country is an adequate resource for on-the-job training, as it were.

If you feel traditional hands-on is too advanced for you at this stage, might I suggest you read Middle School Mating Rituals to help you explore your sexual identity before you reveal it to a professional. I understand there is an unwritten code of ethics in that profession which precludes laughing at the clientele, but I cannot substantiate verbal contracts without a personal liaison.

Perhaps, you would care to report back with your results for my educational benefit.

Get a Grip

When I penned G is for Genius, I thought it would be a fun break to look into the minds of others rather than our customary introspection. The following should teach me not to think at all.

Hatemailing from Berkeley (leaving me your address makes it easy on my software), Karyn had more than a mouthful to say about what it is like to be a genius. Please put your drink down.

Where are you getting your facks? I mean, ya, Leonardi was a genius, but come on, Steve Hawking? He is a creepy old guy who thinks time travel is possible. He is not a genius, he is a wack job…”

…There’s schools all over America who make geniuses every day. There’s the Music School in NY and isnt there one in Memphis or Tennesee somewhere in the mountains? …”

…You really should be more responisibility about spreading lies like there is something wrong mentally with geniuses. Genuses are just so smart regular people cannot understand what they are talking about. I ought to know.”

There was more to Karyn’s 600 word diatribe, which gave me the smooth impression of a half-pipe on a board with three wheels and a broken truck. These are the top three highlights and what I chose as the basis for the possible answers you get to choose to send to Karyn.

I know what you mean about music school turning out really brilliant musicians. Apparently, Julliard’s southern campus is going to revolutionize bluegrass music. I hear their biggest problem at the moment is all the applicants play the same three instruments: Mouth harp, spoons and the jug.

~~~~~

TWO

You know, I was talking to this friend of mine who totally agrees with you. She keeps telling me the only thing wrong with geniuses is they forget they were once young and dumb like everyone else. Once they learn to speak English, they completely forget about the American language.

I just call it rude.

~~~~~

THREE

As I recall from the tail end of your single paragraph, you commented on the inability of geniuses to speak the language which I am left to presume is your native tongue. Considering it takes Stephen Hawking approximately ten minutes to compose a sentence with the pulses from his right cheek, secondary to a nearly 50 year battle with Lou Gehrig’s disease, I can only conclude, you are far more intelligent than he, based solely on your ability to listen faster than he can talk.

Ironically, this speed-of-thought vs. speed-of-sound principle supports his theory of black holes holding the key to bending the time-space continuum to support time travel. Is it a note of professional jealousy I note in your complaint?

Hunting Habits

Our last contestant hatemails from Toronto. Signing only with the initials PDS, the chief complaint with the post H is for Habits is, can you guess, how I got it wrong. In yet another assault on my apparent lack of reading, reasoning and writing skills, PDS pens the following:

This has got to be the most stupid think I have read in all my years on the internet. I am going to punch [Quaint] for sending me a link to this [expletive]. First off, not everything’s habits. Instincts is far more powerful than a habit any day. Where do you think we know how to hunt comes from? You cant learn that.”

Ready for dove season.

What visual do you think I have of PDS from the first reading?

So, dear M3 Readers, I leave this one up to you. At this point, the ideas are like quail flushed from the underbrush.

~~~~~~~~~~

I hope that your week has been free of hatemail, self-proclaimed geniuses, [expletive] and picture readers. Which answer should I send to Karyn? What shall I tell PDS? What do you think PDS stands for? I already have a clue what you will answer!

Thank you for joining me for the 20th edition of the Friday Follies from the stupidest inbox in the blogosphere. 

(c) Ann Marie Dwyer 2012
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35 Comments

  1. I am completely in love with your response to Bunni–with an i. For Irrational! Ha! I don’t even have a vote for your response to Karyn… maybe you should just send all three, in response to the three excerpts you chose? That might seem oddly balanced to her overly-brilliant mind and then she’d forget she thinks you’re stupid, or a genius, or not a genius, or something. And just go back to quietly humming Dueling Banjos to herself. Thanks for the Friday Funnies!
    Laura recently posted..Fat Jealous LosersMy Profile

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    • Red

       /  April 17, 2012

      *Giggles* My luck, after hearing about the dearth of talent in the Appalachians, she may well pick up the banjo and go for a whirl on American Idol.

      Reply
  2. Definitely number three for Karyn – providing she can talk and walk at the same time!

    As for PDS? Pretty Damned Stupid gets my vote! 🙂

    Love and hugs!

    Prenin.
    prenin recently posted..Friday – my new keyboard arrives.My Profile

    Reply
  3. I’m surprised your computer hasn’t melted from the intense dumbness radiating from your inbox.
    Binky recently posted..Learning to DoMy Profile

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    • Red

       /  April 17, 2012

      I was not exaggerating when I dubbed it “The Stupidest Inbox in the Blogosphere”.

      Reply
  4. I was about to say that I never get any email from readers when I got one tonight — a nice one.

    Then again, some of the spam that gets caught in the net is too funny — like the vibrating bluetooth panties the other day. LOL

    Some people have too much time on their hands. If I had a name like Bunni, I’d hide. Bunni Biggerbuns who is probably married to Dingledoft Dullheinie. What a pair.

    PS — I am not getting any notifications of new posts.

    Reply
    • Vibrating Bluetooth Panties? That is way too cool … I don’t get anything that cool in my spam.
      valentinelogar recently posted..ABC AwardMy Profile

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    • Red

       /  April 17, 2012

      Vibrating Bluetooth Panties, eh. I am utterly amazed I have not gotten that one with all the talk of Bluetooth in the story.

      And I fixed your subscription. I had you set to no email. You should get the once daily summary around 2000 EST.

      Reply
  5. “I ought to know” Oh, just too funny. I like number 2. I am glad my plan to send all hater mailers to you is still working.
    Derek Mansker recently posted..A Clean Heart!My Profile

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    • Red

       /  April 17, 2012

      Oh, terrific. I see me stepping you up on the referral list 😉

      Reply
  6. You have a way cooler inbox than mine 🙁
    Friggin Loon recently posted..Just Don’t Harm The DogMy Profile

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  7. I think I’m addicted to inbox day.

    And that’s a fack.
    Red Tash recently posted..What a perfect dragon for this beautiful spring morning.  
    You…
    My Profile

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    • Red

       /  April 17, 2012

      You would be amazed the number of rubberneckers I get on Friday Follies! Glad you got your facks all straight!

      Reply
  8. Well Frack, usually I am instantly drawn to one of the choices but this time, no I don’t think I can pick one. Sorry I pick all three, I am with Laura on this one.

    As for PDS – stupid is as stupid does.
    valentinelogar recently posted..ABC AwardMy Profile

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    • Red

       /  April 17, 2012

      I think it would be fun to send her all of them. The rest of it just made my eye twitch.

      Reply
  9. The guy from Toronto is an embarrassment for all Canadians. I shake my head with shame. 😛

    Reply
  10. I so agree wtih Wendy Reid. I’m embarrassed by the guy from Toronto’s response. There’s only so much a Canuck will take and this isn’t it.

    Reply
    • Red

       /  April 17, 2012

      LOL! I love all the pride my Canadians have. You all disown the miscreants poste haste.

      Reply

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