It is the time of the week where we open the stupidest inbox in the blogosphere for Friday Follies. You will be amazed and dismayed and possibly flabbergasted by tonight’s contestants. You should heed the customary warning of placing your drink in another room before continuing to this week’s edition!
As we near the end of the A to Z Challenge, the hatemailers have changed a bit. Oh, do not worry. Their responses are just as misguided as ever. Instead of protesting the lack of education, writing skill and general intelligence of the blog posts, they are more concerned with heritage and lineage.
M is for Mysophobia really got under the skin of our first contestant, hatemailing from North Dakota. It seems Kylie has no issue with dirt. That does not mean she does not have issues.
If you think this kind of [expletive] is normal, you have to have the most screwed up kids on the planet. Why would you be teaching this [expletive] to anyone. Aren’t there enough crazies in the world?”
Apparently, this is Kylie’s first trip to M3. I sent her back a kindly note:
The only reason I blog is to seek out others’ opinions and experiences in hopes of finding answers to the many dysfunctions in my household. By explaining it to others, maybe they can give me the answers doctors are keeping to themselves in search of more insurance money. Big Pharma has them all indoctrinated (pardon the pun) not to cure anyone, but keep them all on meds. I am certain you know what I mean.
Perhaps, she can research a bit more and find out mysophobia is not contagious.
When I post a pictorial, I rarely get hatemail about anything other than the poor quality of pictures. No so when it came to N is for Nest. Eva hatemailed from Oregon to warn me. She is very afraid, but not in the mysophobe way.
You are just begging for someone to kidnapped your children. Don’t you know if you put pictures on the internet pedopiles will trace them abck to where you live and commit assalt on your children? Don’t you love them?”
Whilst I am the first to agree pedophilic behavior is quite pile-like, I absolutely could not let this one pass:
Oh, Eva, thank you so for your concern. I know all about pedophiles and sex offenders. That is why we keep a special album with all the nude photographs under lock and key. And the last kidnapper brought back the children. He wondered how I managed not to strangle them.
There must be different piles in Oregon.
Hatemailing from Denver (another contestant with address attached), Joe was astounded by P is for Pseudologia Fantastica. Not because he knew someone with mythomania, but because he was convinced it will become family trait.
Where do you get this [expletive]? Pathological liers are everywhere. You should know. You are one. They lie to cheat and to steal and to get over on all the [expletive] stupid trusting people in the world. They could care less what others thing about them. It is all about getting more [expletive]. Are you trying to throw everyone off your scent with this [expletive]? Or are you just showing the blog world your lesson plans? Being your kid must suck.”
Apparently, Joe took the time to cruise around M3 to read about a few things. Equally apparent is the fact is missed a boatload. Since Joe is the late addition to this week’s edition of Friday Follies, you get to choose which response I send to him.
Joe, as you may or may not know, we settled the debate as to the veracity of my statements on M3 many weeks ago. I refer you to Car 54, where are you? If you would like more information on pseudologia fantastica, you may consider Googling it, although I am not sure you would be able to trust the Internet as a viable source of information after my complete breech of your trust.
I could recommend a few psychologists in your area, who I am certain would be more than willing to show your their documentation as to the existence of the disorder and its differences from the disorders from which you suffer.
Joe, it is absolutely necessary when you homeschool to keep your students in line and adhering to your schedule at all costs. Occasionally, this involves partaking in the occasional fib to get them to mind. You know what I mean. Things like telling them the boogie man will eat their toys if they do not finish their homework. I hardly think you will find any homeschooler who does not engage in this type of behavior or anyone who would describe it as “pathological”. Do you have any homeschooling tips I could use?
What gave me away? I have doctors who visit this blog and they have never noticed I was afflicted.
Where did you get your degree, Joe? I absolutely need to go to school you did. I did not know they taught advanced psychology at mechanic’s school. How do the professors incorporate it into the curriculum? I would think there is a lot of psychology which goes into making a car run.
Did I mention? Joe is the manager of a mechanic’s shop in Denver. Putting your employment position in your signature does not support anonymity. I’m just saying.
Hatemail came from across the pond for Q is for Questions. Exhibiting some of the cultural differences between the United States and the United Kingdom, this hatemailer may not have gotten past the first section. Meet Martha.
How utterly rude. You should always ask permission to ask a question before you just out with it. And what is wrong with telling someone you do not thing they know the answer to your question? Is it better just to stand there all gobsmacked when they actually answer you? You mother mustn’t have taught you any manners.”
Just a word of advice to my British M3 Readers…Insulting an American’s mother is risky business which often has volatile results.
My mother had nothing personally to do with my development of manners. She engaged in the southern American tradition of requiring all of her daughters to attend finishing school. If you have not been introduced to Emily Post or Amy Vanderbilt, I am quite sure you would not understand the finer points of etiquette in today’s society.
Regardless of the pious belief all Americans go barefoot in the summer and drink from garden hoses, I can assure you there are many of us who are quite refined and adhere to the highest standards in all manner of etiquette, even when asking questions.
To that end, I find your use of the word gobsmacked offensive, as it is a slang term for nonplussed. Perhaps, before you call others down for their writing you should proofread your own.
Spambot Honorable Mention
This week it is a tie. First, I have a spam from someone calling herself Ester. She spams to say:
You are an excellent wterir even if I have thought your writing seems sad sometimes! I am so glad you are honest! The truth will set you free, is true! I love you and I am so blessed to be your Mom!”
Needless to say, Ester is not my mother’s name.
Secondly, you would think with as many children as I have I may once in a while lose one or two in the fray. To date, that has not been the case. However, recently, I have had a stray, unbeknownst Filipino daughter show up in my spam net. She stopped by to say…
Oh nice, Mommy! I also right that I should consider every year the best!! now for stay happy Mommy!! Chris!”
I know she is trying to protect our identities. Her email address gave away her real name… emma.watson@~~~~~~.com
I hope your week has been free of the hatemail which populates the stupidest inbox in the blogosphere! What response shall we send to Joe? Which contestant takes the prize for stupidest hatemail? The 21st edition of the Friday Follies was brought to you by the number 6 and the letter D.
Have you voted in this week’s poll?
(c) Ann Marie Dwyer 2012
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