Making Red Cranky

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This week the stupidest inbox in the blogosphere was stuffed full. It is time for a special edition. This carries the standard warning and lots of fun. Put your drink across the room and settle in for the 450th post on M3 and the 22nd edition of Friday Follies.

Yes, I knew it. When you bring up the idea of mental disorders, or testing anything which could reveal a mental disorder, you have crazies knocking down the letter box door. Do not misunderstand. I am not using the crazies to describe the mental ill, only the inhabitants of the stupidest inbox in the blogosphere. Take Paula, for instance.

Reading the Blots

Hatemailing from Florida, Paula has had some experience with Rorschach tests. Realize before you read, your results may vary (widely) from hers. She takes the whole idea of doctor/patient privilege and tosses it squarely out a 10th story window, with quite a large number of ethics. She was offended by…Oh, let’s let her tell it.

All that Roarshack test is good for is getting into bed with your therapist. All they ever see in the inkblots is how you see sex in everything. The guy who made them was a perv. There is no way you can look any of them except the bat without seeing a big [vagina] or [penises] sticking out at you. The only reason therapists give you the test is to see if they can get in your panties.”

The remainder of Paula’s email classifies both as TMI and teetering on getting M3 back on the porn site list if it is aired. After a voyeuristic ROFL, I only truly had one question for Paula:

If they charge for the session, does that count as prostitution?”

Still waiting for an answer to that one.

Mad about Mantra

MantraEvery once in a while I get a hatemail about something Mantra wrote. This week Mantra was blasted for The Rock. Randall mistook the description, the poem and the picture. All the way from Turkey, here is his plate full of hate:

If you looked anything like that picture you put up, you would not be sitting on some rock on the side of the ovean. Somebody would have come along and sailed off withyou. Nothing wrong with being along. Most fat chicks are alone. If you could still wear a bikini your surfer dude wouldn’t have run off. Can you give me the emaiol address of the chick who write the long thing in the middle/ She sounds like somebody who needs to get laid.”

Did this turn my crank? Let me count the ways…

Not for you.

It occurs to me, Randall, perhaps the women still in burqas in your country are trying to not be ogled by lascivious men like you. As I am the “chick who write the long thing in the middle”, the only email address I will give you is for Bear. I am quite certain he will assert his powerful dominion over the availability of details of our sex life, which, incidentally, is no one’s business. Shall I introduce you?

Apparently, judging from his lack of response, Randall was not interested in being introduced to Bear. Pity.

Hatemail Forwarded

I have already admitted I occasionally send Ask Momma users to other blogs for further reading, rather than answering questions via inbox or on M3, especially when they are not congruent with our current subject matter. Your next hatemailer comes compliments of the A to Z Challenge, a proud resident of Ohio.

Rachel had a problem with temperament. No, not just the post. Observe.

Where did you get the bot? I need one to post on my blog. I wish there was a better one than this one cause it doesnt use good english. You really auto run it thru translate or proof read it or something before you post. I am surprised nobody told you twig is a stick.”

Now, I have gotten used to hatemailers calling me fake, but being called a bot was a little more infuriating than I originally imagined. Then, the evil grin spread across my face.

Grammar Nazi

The Official Badge

Rachel, there are no bots posting on M3. I should point out there is a great place for you to twig new definitions, the online Merriam Webster dictionary. Reading there, you may even twig what the blog post really says. One thing I should point out…Google Translate does not twig the definition of the verb twig. What is the new official language of Ohio?

How was that for some “good english”?

Do you feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?

Not a Fan

Muse for Monday had a twist at the end. M3 Readers clamored there was no such thing as “too Dirty Harry”. To be quite honest, I agree. However,  Mateo does not. Hatemailing from Mexico, he seemed to think it was Dirty Harry, but in a different way. Behold.

That sounds like dirty Harry all right. He is a wuss. He probably would do nothing instead of getting in somebody’s face and just shooting them. He’s always threatenign people with that gun but he doesn’thave the balls to shoot anybody.”

Not sure which Dirty Harry movie Mateo got in Mexico, but it must have been a knock off. Test your hatemail response skills. What should I send to Mateo?

Understandably Crazy

Most everything I have ever said has been challenged at one point or another. It is part of the territory when giving advice, especially about parenting. The hatemail I got for U is for Understanding was definitely not run of the mill.

Marguerite hatemails from Indiana to tell me a laundry list of what is wrong with anyone understanding my pain. You have to read it to believe it.

There is no way anyone can feel sympathy for you. You have to be completely [expletive] stupid or stone cold crazy to have a C section without drugs. Nobody in there right mind understands stupid or crazy. Prolly tho the whole thing is a lie, which means nobody could possibly feel sorry for you. Why would you lie about something that horrible?”

Let’s get interactive. Which response should I send to Marguerite?

Oh, Marguerite! You have to try it to believe it! Watching someone cut a hole in you big enough to expel your bowel and small intestine, plus cut a hole in your uterus, I mean, WOW! How could everyone not be on board with it? What a rush!

~~~~~

TWOAfter advising many women about their choices in childbirth, I feel compelled to advise you to refrain from reproducing. Your apparent low threshold for pain is only surpassed by your lack of empathy, which is a necessary emotional component to motherhood.

As a side note, if you already have children, please enroll them in extracurricular grammar lessons. Studies prove illiterate parents are 85% more likely to raise illiterate children.

~~~~~

THREE

My doctor concluded there was nothing clinically wrong with me, although I really think he should listen to the stuffed duck on his desk. It has a great sense of humor. When I told him that, he had my hearing checked, but when the results came back I was partially deaf, he just decided I probably needed an imaginary friend after all I had been through. I mean, everyone has an imaginary friend, right?

This one is up to you!

There were two latecomers to party, but they will have to wait until another edition!


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I hope your week has been hatemail and crazy free. Thank you for joining me for the 22nd edition of Friday Follies from the stupidest inbox in the blogosphere and for reading the 450th post on M3! Until next week, make it a good one! Meanwhile, tell me which response to send to Marguerite and what I should pen to Mateo.

(c) Ann Marie Dwyer 2012
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36 Comments

  1. In the end, it’s not going to matter how many breaths you took, but how many moments took your breath away.

    Hmm, and going by this weeks, you must be unconscious!!!
    Friggin Loon recently posted..The Sound of One Hand ClappingMy Profile

    Reply
  2. Never a dull moment. I still don’t know why people bother to write such strange messages. But, it is for our enjoyment, so I thank them.
    Derek Mansker recently posted..Tolerance might not be as good as it looks.My Profile

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    • Red

       /  April 29, 2012

      So, what do you think I should send to Mateo? Remember, I get to let Google Translate massacre it because I know about 22 words in Spanish (that I actually know what they mean every time).

      Reply
  3. On the one hand, I would like to vote for number two as it is probably good advice for her. On the other hand, I did try to talk my surgeon into ordering a spinal for my appendectomy (so I could watch), which he only considered for about three seconds before rejecting that idea, so option one does have a certain appeal to me.

    As for Mateo, this should suffice…
    Dirty Harry Smiles
    MJ Logan recently posted..The PondMy Profile

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    • Red

       /  April 29, 2012

      Oh, that clip is brilliant! So weird the driver was wearing a seatbelt…especially back then!

      I like watching as well. The nurse thought I had lost my mind when I told her to move the mirror so I could see. So, are you officially voting for #1?

      Reply
  4. Number two gets my vote!!! LoL!!!

    I have so much empathy I get sympathy pains when people are even TALKING about surgery!!!! LOL!!!

    Love and hugs Sweetheart! 🙂

    Prenin.
    prenin recently posted..Friday – A trip to the Co-OpMy Profile

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  5. Wow! I know many people that are witty enough to have a great come back but you are truly the best! 🙂 I vote for #2 for the answer.
    Deb recently posted..Look DeepMy Profile

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    • Red

       /  April 29, 2012

      Looks like number two may have this one in the bag! {HUGZ} Red.

      Reply
  6. While I am going with number 2 in a very big way on this one, I think we need an option to simply go slap the crap out of the ijit while we’re at it. Why did you not provide that option?

    As for Mateo, didn’t you know they are stripping all the violence out of movies to try and make it seem we are all wussies here in the US? I heard it on Fox just the other day.

    As to the rest, I needed that. Tell Bear to get his surfer gear on and paddle you away.
    valentinelogar recently posted..Sunshine DaysMy Profile

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    • Red

       /  April 29, 2012

      Oh, now, you know I can openly endorse violence on M3…no matter how instinctual it may be 😉 LOL @ Fox. I will definitely need to take Bear shopping for some blue sunscreen!

      Reply
  7. Bear

     /  April 28, 2012

    If I became a therapist could I get in my own pants? I wonder! People from Ohio should not be allowed on the internet they just end up mating with family.

    Reply
    • Red

       /  April 29, 2012

      ROFL! I do not think you need to be a therapist for that unless you really are that hard to get! 😛

      Reply
  8. Some people just shouldn’t be allowed to use email. Unfortunately, they all seem to like emailing you.
    Binky recently posted..Genealogy and The Study of GeniesMy Profile

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  9. oh my GOODNESS… I had to stop and go pee half way through this… I was laughing so hard. I like either 2 or 3 for your response and I am not sure about the other one.. Dirty Harry is a Wuss? wowwww. Thanks for the wonderful wittiness of your replies and I wouldn’t wish haters on you but you handle them so well and in such entertaining ways. I am in awe!
    Lizzie Cracked recently posted..Trifecta – Weekend Challenge, 3 Points of ViewMy Profile

    Reply
    • Red

       /  April 29, 2012

      Lizzie, I do this every week. Sometimes, it is hard for me to pick which ones are the stupidest! This is the 22nd edition!

      Reply
  10. I kinda think that Paula is probably right…
    Tony McGurk recently posted..Cedric & Millie #5 – Saying SorryMy Profile

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