Friday night has come on a week when I have been very scarce. You can imagine my (not) surprise when I opened the stupidest inbox in the blogosphere to the number of messages which make people get a new email address. Put your drink out of reach as we open the hatemail on this week’s edition of Friday Follies.
Not all of them…
Since the first episode of Friday Follies we have been waiting for the one shining star who truly understood the easiest way not to star in one was to not write anything and simply scroll to another portion of the blogosphere. We came very, very close to that star in Candy. She hatemails from West Virginia about TOOK.
This is absolutely the creulest place I have ever been. Everything here is filled with abuse and hate. I wish [name redacted] had never sent me a link to this. So much pain and hurt. You really need to seek counciling. I will never be back here.”
Yes, I did refrain from telling her not to let the door hit her where the good Lord split her. I did however, send her a note.
I tried to look into this counciling of which you speak. Alas, I am obviously from a portion of the country which is far less developed than West Virginia. I found reconciling services, but I do not need an accountant. The other type of reconciliation I am morally opposed to at a cellular level. I draw the line at necrophilia.
If you are going to read, at least read enough to get a real feel for the place. And we need to find [name redacted].
To prove once and for all, it is not just me, some of the guest posts drew fire. Consider it a risk when penning at M3. Funny thing about it? It is still me. Take Penny for example. Hatemailing from South Dakota, she was convinced I was trying to defect Friday Follies. What? Yes, she needed to explain it to me as well.
What are you afraid of? I thought you liked all the stupid comments you get. Why would you even pretend to be someone else? How many pennames do you have? It really is kind of sick to have a man’s name as a penname.”
It took a bit of Contemplation to understand, but I think I got it. But Penny was not alone. Apparently, she forwarded the link to M3 to one of her neighbors. Also hatemailing from South Dakota was Janelle. She must have been late because she arrived in time for a Mental Moment.
How is this any different? Do you really think there are people out there who don’t know what friendship is? This is the only place I have ever seen with 25 posts on friendship. Don’t you have any friends of your own?”
Well, of course I do. They have been writing posts all week. FYI, with as much as the WP search box bites, she had to flip through five pages of search results to get this statistic. Nah, she is not a fan. Who wants to lay odds Cat Forsley got off unscathed?
You would have lost. The mouth breather who crawled into the stupidest inbox in the blogosphere from Nebraska hatemails about the soundtrack.
If that is what you sound like hunny, you need to post more pictures of youself on the internet.”
Yes, I wanted a shower. And then I wanted to email one to Cat. Ugh. Inbox Lothario. I sent him a link to last week’s SEP with a note to read the comments.
Since these come in as the late entries, you get to pen the responses. If one of these is yours, feel free to supply what I poison pen back.
In a week featuring guest posts, it was more than ironic I had a guest post scheduled over at Red Tash’s The Fabulousness. Since my guest post was about Friday Follies, I had no doubt it would incite something. Ironically, it got a different version of hatemail than our normal widgets who cannot read.
Gerald hatemails from Florida to commend me for venturing out.
How much do you pay people to leave comments? You would be better off just writing at another blog instead of this place. I mean who really cares abotu parenting and psychology? You dont have anything here about blogging so you cant be very good at it.”
I am going to be honest. At this late hour, I have not the energy to pen a response. It would be unfair to leave poor Gerald hanging. Any one of you who I paid to comment on the post want to fire back?
There were a lot of you who had very excellent definitions for Leave me alone. None of the hatemailers took the SEP to mean them. Unfortunately, the stalkers who needed to see it in #1 header did not either. Let’s start with Dylan. Hatemailing from California, he seemed to think I could have been a lot more compassionate than Leave me alone.
As easily as you piss people off, I can’t imagine anyone would need to be told to go away. Why do you just explain to them what they did so they know why you want them to go away. People deserve a reason.”
Now, for me, the über-verbose, to give a message in (count them) THREE words is quite a feat. But since Dylan is a mite challenged, let’s give him a bit of a dissertation.
I am innately endowed with the unalienable right to refuse to be in the presence of or interact with any person on this revolving marble in the universe. Just because you think someone who refuses to bugger off when asked is entitled to an explanation which would be comprehensible to a brain which is most intimately related in size to a virus or deserves a handheld explanation about the whys and wherefores of precisely how they are socially unacceptable, unattractive and inept to the point of distraction in no way obligates me to provide such explanation.
To be frank, I feel completely ill-equipped to kill enough brain cells to sink to the bottom-feeding plane on which these people exist and be able to speak a complete diatribe in monosyllabic terms. Do you desire to translate my intent from English to moroff?
Truly, Dylan and those who fail to understand Leave me alone, are moroffs… they are far more off than on.
I hope your week has been free of hatemail, guest posts, poetry and friendship, since the last three inspire the first in the stupidest inbox in the blogosphere. Until next week’s edition of the Friday Follies, I hope you have a very pleasant weekend.
So…what are we to send to Gerald, Penny, Janelle and our mouth breathing Lothario?