I know you are…

It is Friday night, and the time has come to open the stupidest inbox in the blogosphere. Some of the crazies must have been on vacation because the hatemail was mostly about one post. Safe bet is the reduction in hatemail is not based on my becoming less offensive.

Put your drinks down for the 34th edition of the M3 Friday Follies.

Soma was right!

Now, if you missed Consuela’s response email to me from the 32nd edition of the Friday Follies, you will not be understanding why I was certain we would hear from her again. Despite the detailed instructions and explanation for the whys and wherefores of flash fiction, Consuela was still hit by the bus.

That’s it? Anybody can write that little bit a nothing.”

Soma, this one is on you.

Why am I picking on Soma? When she came to Flash in the Pan, she was certain Consuela would be looking for something quite different. Want to help Soma out with a facepalm flipped bird explanation for Consuela?

Cruel!

Somehow, our next contestant missed the memo which includes unusual  in her name calling. You guessed it, Red is the cruelest blogger in the blogosphere. Who says? Julian. Hatemailing from Germany, I have been called on the carpet for being horrifically insensitive and cruel. Behold.

My uncle Hamish died in the Hindenburg. How can you be so cruel and insensitive to the families of the survivors?”

Once again, my use of realism, hyperbole and analogy is lost compliments of Google’s failure to translate literary devices worth a flip. Did you miss my insensitive comments in the last SEP?

I took my time crafting something Google Translate would certainly not get correct.

I happens to me your translation of my writing leaves much to be wanting. For you to know the concept how I end my writing as drole and not uncaring is to make into German the witticism. True to its nature, the jape was designated to elicit chortling. May I have occasion to suggest querying American tourists to dope it out thereby permitting you to jeer also?

Perfectly clear, right?

And for the history buffs…no one named Hamish was killed at the Hindenburg crash.

Say What?!

Apparently, it is name-calling week. Once again, I am the queen of insensitivity. Hatemailing from Bristol, Magda had a bit of an earful to give me about ears.

There are more than 9 million deaf people in my country and you are horridly insentivity to be psoting about your ability to hear. Do you both to make your information available to deaf users or do you discriminate against them as well?”

I was unaware deafness disconnected the brain.

On behalf of the 11 million deaf people on this side of the pond, myself being one of them, I would like to make one thing perfectly clear:

M3 is in writing. I only discriminate against the illiterate.

I have been known to write some things which needed a translator, but do I really need someone to translate it into writing? Especially the titles…since that is apparently all she was able to get through her TTY.

Is there a physician in the M3 Readers who may be able to diagnose her hearing problem?

Porn Suggestions

M3 has been inundated with porn sites trying to spam the comments since, well, day one. It what is a first, the stupidest inbox in the blogosphere was inundated with porn suggestions. Did you read this week’s Muse for Monday? It took me about five minutes to figure out what post triggered all the suggestions. That was it. How did I figure it out?

In this day and age, no one has to do without getting some.”

See, this was not the one. Nor was this one:

you dont even have to pay a mebership fee”

Both of these had links attached which suggested Mantra register for a website designed specifically for this problem.

So, which one gave it away? Hatemailing from Michigan, Garth was very generous in his offer:

If you are scared I can tell you there is nothing to it. You just put in your stats and a pic (preferable a naked pic) and then people who want to hook up email you. Simple as that. No strings attached. You meet and [expletive] and go home. Do you want me to pass your profile out to some of my buddies?”

I need someone to give me an industrial sandblaster to get the slime feeling off my skin. I am not so certain having Garth cut his head out of the photo was enough. I could have done without that visual. Really. Does anyone have eye bleach?

In case you were unaware, there is an epidemic in this country. MILFs, housewives, “fat chicks”, lonely women and girls next door are all desperately devoid of sex…and are looking for YOU. The popular tagline is “Why in the [expletive] would you pay for sex?!”

Well, now isn’t that special?

Where this is the part where we get interactive, we are going to take a different tack than the usual choice of three. This is the response I am going to send all of them…but you get to help…keep reading.

Oh how cool! I never knew there were such sites. So, it’s like this. I set up an email address just for these sites, but I did not have a camera so I could take a newer picture of myself. I have this one, but it is from last month when I was at a party. Do you think this will do?

OK, M3 Readers. Can you find me a picture to attach to my responses? What is the absolute last thing you would want to see on a dating site?

So far, I still think the pic of the other Bearman is a great idea, but let’s put your twisted sense of humor in motion.

Fraud!

When I run a contest, I am always prepared for the whiner who did not win to whine about not winning. The contest for Emma’s book was no different. For once, I wish I could have emailed the actual books, so the winners could answer this hatemail. Whining from Alabama, Cheryl is bent she did not win.

You know you only let your friends win this. Why don’t you just mail them the books and skipp all the hoop jumping for the peiple who dont’ know the contest is a scam just to get their email addresses?”

Blah, blah, blah, blah.

You told her what?

Cheryl, thought you would like to know Bear is the one who chose the winners in a blind draw of numbers. As luck would have it, one of the winners was not a subscriber to M3 at the time of her entry. It seems you misunderstood the instructions. You actually have to enter the contest to win. 

As compensation, would you like me to enter you into all of the contests where I am attempting to win books? I could pass your email address onto more than fifty sites who would love to have it. It could make up for you not winning this contest.

What is so difficult about following the directions? Perhaps Clyde could explain it to her.

Or should we register her for the sites above?

~~~~~~~~~~


Thank you for joining me for the 34th edition of the M3 Friday Follies brought to you from the stupidest inbox in the blogosphere! I sincerely hope your week has been free of hatemail, casual sex sites, contest losers and air disasters. Until next week, have a terrific weekend!

So, what is the picture we need to send to Garth and the other site hoppers? Who is going to help Soma pen a response to Consuela?

Psst…did you take the new poll?

(c) Red Dwyer 2012
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59 Comments

  1. Maybe I should send Garth a picture of me in the nude?

    That should ruin his day!!! LoL!!! 😉

    Love and hugs!

    Prenin.
    prenin recently posted..Friday – Summer is finally here!My Profile

    Reply
  2. Red, I enjoy so much your wit, humor, and your direct way of saying things. I really do. I am the member ‘who wasn’t’ when I won the book.

    I entered the contest without thinking anymore about it…. at first I thought it was ‘spam’… when I read on my email that I’d won. I can’t tell you how happy I was!

    Gloria/Granny Gee PS…. I’ll say it again, I am happy to have found this ‘most fun’ website’!!! :))) I really love reading here… I will come here every day now!
    Gloria Faye Brown Bates recently posted..Perpetual Grief… TearsMy Profile

    Reply
    • ROFL! We have so many rules about antispam. I am glad you like it here. “Try the veal.” 😉

      Reply
  3. Ick… that’s all I have to say about your fan mail/hate mail. 🙂

    Reply
    • So glad to see you this morning! I think we have the perfect name for it… the stupidest inbox in the blogosphere!!

      Reply
      • I have been reading and the other day I read something (I forget what) and started reading up on other things.

        It sure is the stupidest box in the blogosphere… It’s like they’re not even thinking at all. I guess they do what most do, read not absorb and see what it’s about, react and then go with the first thought that comes to their mind.

        Lord knows I’ve “never” done that ! ahahaha! Oh man, these are classic… as always. 🙂

        Reply
        • Who you? Pshaw. Never. *grins* We all do it occasionally. I just have more vocal people who do it than most. 😉

          Reply
          • I can see that for sure and what would we do without them? There would be no one to tilt our head at, no one for Friday’s follies… that’d be a damn shame 🙂

  4. I’m sorry, I wasn’t clear, something I read here made me read up on other things, that’s what I meant in my last comment.

    Reply
    • Good! I like making you think and look into more things. Figure it out and let me know what it was. 😉

      Reply
  5. “My uncle Hamish died in the Hindenburg” Still too soon to make Hindenburg jokes?
    Bearman recently posted..Editorial Cartoon: Chick-fil-A and Same Sex MarriageMy Profile

    Reply
    • What was I thinking not applying the 100-year filter, eh? Even classified documents age out after 75 years…

      Reply
  6. So if I understand Magda right she is implying deaf people can’t read??? Gosh being so upset about Uncle Hamish. Who popped his happy balloon? Oops sorry I was just having an insensitive moment. What’s with all this writing anyway? I came here looking for porn…
    Tony McGurk recently posted..The New NeighbourMy Profile

    Reply
  7. Well, it looks like you are setting yourself up for another interesting inbox this week. This post ought to bring some interesting items to you.
    Derek Mansker recently posted..The Lego Jar (7/28/12) – Easter in JulyMy Profile

    Reply
  8. Who else but you, Red, has such patience, wit and humour to put these poor souls straight? I know I couldn’t put up with them week after mindboggling week. Ha ha.
    tess kann recently posted..IS a Picture WORTH a Thousand Words?My Profile

    Reply
    • LOL! The responses I get in the comments and the “OMG, do you need a massage?” emails after the fact make up for the crazies <3 Great to see you tonight, Tess.

      Reply
  9. Oh my no one can help me deal with Consuela..she is one of those who just came here to critisize and then flipped a coin..to bitch about content or size, and then decided against that too cos bitching about content would mean reading it..good lord if the hate mailers start reading wouldnt things start making sense!!!
    so she whined about size….
    Soma Mukherjee recently posted..The Magnificent world of WombiesMy Profile

    Reply
  10. That was awesome. I wish I had some pics to contribute for the profile one. Haha!

    Reply
    • Welcome to the Friday Follies! Every week. Same Bat Channel. Same Bat Time. New contestants most weeks!

      Reply

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