Erection and the FBI

The 35th edition of the Friday Follies is an M3 first. We are dedicating this post to one contestant who has proven worthy of a crown from the stupidest inbox in the blogosphere. Put the drink out of reach, this is an arm-waving, fist-shaking post. *giggles*

Red has gone and done it! 

Every M3 Reader knows where I stand on cyberbullying: The ground of intolerance. Over the course of the last monthish, there has been a bully extorting a blogger, and fellow M3 Reader, you have seen in the comments, Noeleen. If you have not been to Words Fall From My Eyes, you should stop by to take a look at her novel, a memoir, in draft.

As is the case with most memoirs, there is inevitably some player in the cast who remembers things quite differently. Such is the case with Noeleen’s memoir. She has a nameless sister, named Lana in her memoir, names changed to protect the guilty and innocent alike. That is right, guys and dolls, this person has no proper name. Good thing, too, as there is nothing she has shown to proves she is proper.

Cyber Alert!

When Lana climbed into Noeleen’s inbox, it was because her inflammatory comments had led to her being disapproved to leave any further. Join me in saying, Hoozah! for the block button. I routinely drop and delete spam comments from M3 and will continue to bomb the little wigglers into oblivion. (Hold that thought…we will get back to it.)

Noeleen was pressured by the hatemail. She posted about her feelings of unease and need of support from her readers. (Enter Red.) In support of my friend, I sent the following message in a comment on WFFME to her hatemailer:

Dear Hatemailer,

My email address is You are welcome to send me whatever you desire. I feature bullies and idiots like you who fail to see the value in the blogged word, and I do it on a weekly basis. I point out how small-minded, bigoted and stereotypical people like you are, with your half-truths and quarter understanding, your knee-jerk reactions and preposterous vitriol.

If you are wanting an audience, I am a big one. You have the bravado to bully Noeleen for doing what she is, which she does rather well (not that you could recognize quality), but do you have the courage to bring your palaver to someone who has no compunction about judging it?

The inbox is always open.

This invitation has been given to many. As luck would have it, Noeleen’s hatemailer was apparently too Internet handicapped to just email me. Instead, she “erected” (her word) a blog because she feels like she has some right to respond (in any hate-filled manner she chooses) on everyone else’s domain.

Rare Moment: Go, WordPress!!

WordPress informed her she had no right to Noeleen’s subscriber list, to comment on her blog or to demand WP take down WFFME. Yay! Someone at WP has gehetties in telling a whiner they are not entitled to censor the blogosphere.

In a frightening turn of events, Akismet stepped up to the plate to back WordPress. When this person came to M3 to spam with a link to her “blog”, she became a wiggler in the spam net. (Reinsert image of wiggler.)

What’s with the quotes?

This troll’s “blog” is nothing more than a protracted refutation of a passage (all of 6 paragraphs in a memoir of epic proportions). What is her plan?


That is right, guys and dolls. Troll says she will take down her “blog” when Noeleen “edits” her memoir (really?) to the troll’s liking.

Enter the FBI.

Since she could get no satisfaction with WP, and she is certain I (me, of all people) would not QUOTE her on Friday Follies, went to the FBI. Here it is from her diatribe (Part II that is):

Red, in the case of you and the Heretic, I have forwarded copies of your comments to the Internet crime section of the FBI, as you have both threatened harm to a person who is completely unknown to you.  That makes you both undesirables and dangerous people.  Neither of you even knew the true nature of my quarrel with Noeleen (until now).  I have contempt for the pair of you.  As stated previously, I won’t be viewing your imbecilic sites.  I have contempt for the pair of you and wouldn’t give you the time of day, let alone waste my time and strain my eyesight ploughing through your online dribble.  Why don’t you both get out into the real world and form friendships and human bonds in the ‘normal’ way?  Neither of you even knows Noeleen, let alone me.  Only two of Noeleen’s commenters seem to have an ounce of intelligence, possessing the gift of neutrality and non-judgmentalism and an awareness that they might not have the full picture before them – but you two drongos are not them.

[Redacted large threat to Heretic]

When you “ridicule’ me on your site, you should also post my comments in the interests of fairness, but you wouldn’t, would you.  Can’t take a challenge or a diverging view.  I call you a coward and a cretin – and I have reported you to the FBI, along with Red.  I deplore the fact that I have been drawn into erecting my own web site and dealing with Jerry-Springer-audience-type characters.”

Welcome to Friday Follies! No, I did not add the emphasis. Troll did that all on her own. She did not view M3, but she did come to leave her spam on Muse for Monday. Shame, too, because had she read it, she could have seen herself in it.

Do not fear about The Heretic. Your fellow M3 Reader is holding his own version of the Friday Follies at his podcast. Check him out! Sailor talk included for punctuation. Illustrations provided…including the threat I redacted.

Not Yet….

Since this is normally the portion of Friday Follies where I ask you to get out your AK-47s and weapons of mass destruction, I have to let you in on the abbreviated portion of my first retort to her. (Insert wicked laughter.) Do note, I was able to refrain from my Grammar Nazism.

I wondered if you would ever get around to contacting any of us. I love it! I am on a first name basis with many in the FBI Internet crime division. I am afianced to a law enforcement officer. I am certain he will get a good laugh out of your threatening me with police action and internet crime.

[…]Given there are no other comments on your blog and Heretic got here before I did, I feel safe in the assumption you are deleting all which are not apologetic. It is your venue, but my response is saved, as you have just awarded yourself a spot in my Friday Follies.

Perhaps, you can take your own advice and get a life. All of the people you accuse in this post of harming you have done no such thing. In fact, Valentine Logar was correct. You are very jealous. Otherwise, you would not have chosen to “erect” this blog to air your grievances. Perhaps, you do not have the chutzpah to write a book.

Either way, you are the Internet riffraff which makes my job so enjoyable.

A bientot!

Yes, indeed, it is not just I who have been summoned to her diatribe. She douses all bloggers with gasoline and lights them ablaze in her condemnation of the “WWW”. You see, in Troll’s estimation, we all are unable to “form friendships and human bonds in the ‘natural way’ ” and are attention-seeking imbeciles in need of “internet fame”.

(Pardon me for the slight delay in our programming. I needed to pick myself back up off the floor. Bwahahaha!)

Not done yet!

She responded that I was an ass for assuming, yet follows that statement with the following gem:

I assumed that all comments would be posted instantly to my blog, but, surprisingly, they were not. I had to log in to my blog and “approve” the comments before they were posted.”

Wow! Perhaps, if she had read this “imbecilic site”, she would have known to read the directions. (Only the latest link to the long line of posts about time management and life fulfillment)

Want one better?

She suggested I (Red Dwyer, fellow of Merriam Webster) read the dictionary.

(I will now pause our programming to allow you to pick yourself back up off the floor! Take a sip, and set the drink back off to the side. We are moving on…)

Okay, NOW!!!

We are going on a field trip to her erection. Let’s go invade trolldom. You will find many bloggers who are part of the M3 Readers and members on your own blogs and those you visit. Even my sister was not above being flamed on this troll’s blog.

Be aware of these things: 

  1. Troll is redacting and changing her flaming according to the intelligent (and snarky) responses she has gotten so far from those of us unwilling to be a victim.
  2. Troll has no concept of the difference between rights and privileges, nor any sense of publishing protocol or ettiquette.
  3. Troll is a name-caller. (Shudder in your boots…hurry.)
  4. Troll is (also) a contestant because she only reads titles.


  • The first post is irrelevant. It is her refutation of items which are truly none of our concern. They are a family matter. Please ignore it.
  • If you do choose to read the first post, please skip to the portions where she disparages all bloggers as mentally defective, addicted and so forth.
  • Read her threats and accusations on the second post.

And best suggestion of all….

Speak out against cyberbullying and censorship!

No need to bring flame retardant or pepper spray, but let’s give her a crash course in minding her manners. She came to M3 to get you to come to her “blog” and thinks all of the M3 audience should know Red is a threat to her physically, mentally, emotionally and a threat to her pristine, peaceful, private personal reputation.

They are quite sharp.

All I can say is this:

When you tangle with the beast, do not be surprised when you get the horns and the hooves.”

I would never bite her. I am certain she is an inbox crazy who has not had her shots.


I hope your week has been free of hatemail, shotless crazies, trolls and cyber bullies. Thank you for joining me for the 35th edition of the Friday Follies from the stupidest inbox in the blogosphere. Until next week, I hope you have a terrific weekend!

Leave me a description of this troll in 50 words or less. What do you think of censoring memoirs? Can some Internet savvy M3 Reader please explain to me the “right of response”, especially given there is no due process in the blogosphere?

When you tweet and +1 this post, please use the hashtags #censorship and #cyberbullying. Many thanks to my SM fans!

(c) Red Dwyer 2012
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  1. Tried to calmly help her, have noted she didn’t respond. Clearly she is not capable of literacy or has not been exposed previously to calm explanations of why her bad behavior is unacceptable.

    Oh well.
    Valentine Logar recently posted..The D.C. QuagmireMy Profile

    • You and quite a few others tried. I will never understand a screaming meme…not even a WEBSCREAMing one.

  2. I got an invite from this Troll to view her web page and dumped it in the spam box!

    No doubt when faced with anything she doesn’t like she’ll simply delete – personally I wouldn’t give her the satisfaction.

    Love and hugs!

    prenin recently posted..Thursday – Another Phishing email…My Profile

    • P.S: I went, I saw – and she has made a comment to me which was a surprise, but her reaction was… disturbing as she seems so obsessed with Noeleen’s writing to verge on the mentally ill.

      I read both entries and noticed she seemed to repeat herself in her page after page of complaints.

      Looks like Noeleen isn’t the only one to suffer emotional damage in that family…

      I hope she gets help before she does something stupid – her comments and efforts to do down a so-called much loved sister over such a minor matter is kind of scary…

      Love and hugs!

      prenin recently posted..Thursday – Another Phishing email…My Profile

      • That is the most poignant part to me, Pren. She claims no animosity, yet her pages are filled with vitriol and screaming and hate. I pray my sight never grows so bad as to not see the effect my words have on others.

        I also think her fear we (on the other side of the world) are going to harm her…really? Ugh.

    • Since so many expressed they were certain she was deleting comments (her failure to understand the platform), she has been putting up all (from what I can tell) of the ones who do comment. She feels the need to reply to them all with her refrain of having rights. *shrug*

  3. I think she needs to be exposed to a dictionary (particularly the Oxford one she mentioned) before she can be exposed to calm explanations. I would suggest she take a semantics course, but I think it would go completely over her head.

    I was contemplating on using Dogberry quotes from Shakespeare’s “Much Ado About Nothing”, but highly doubt she would get the references either way.

  4. I originally asked which doctor was treating her psychosis as I didn’t want to recommend them to anyone else. After a bit of thought, I erased that.

    Instead, I left her blogging advice… O.o

    We do try to have some creative fun once in a while.

    As noted, her comments are set for moderation so you’ll have to wait to read that.
    MJ Logan recently posted..Merry Go RoundMy Profile

  5. You seem to get all the best crazies. I wonder if you can market that skill?
    Binky recently posted..Checkers CheckmateMy Profile

  6. My oh my… family drama is such a sad situation, especially when there have been years for the ugliness to fester. In fairness to “eldest sister”, I did read a bit of her diatribe, but early on a major headache developed, so I left well enough alone. I felt bullied, even for the short amount I read.
    I have a few manipulative masters in my life too, and my only solution, for my own health and welfare is separation. Period. But I know how that can’t always be achieved, especially when stalking behavior is obvious.
    Noeleen, I hope you are able to create a peaceful life for yourself and those you choose to keep in your life. And know that for every passive aggressive attack, there is an equal or better support system.
    Now I understand why I was so worked up, Red, over your earlier posts relating to this hurtfulness for its own sake.
    peace and hugs and more hugs from this supportsystemspecialist… (sometimes called the escape foundation)…


    BuddhaKat recently posted..The fullness of Friday is filled with Fractals…My Profile

    • I know I deal a lot in telling people it is okay to divorce your headaches. Something I told Noeleen when this all began is: Blood makes relatives. Loyalty makes family. Family loves you. There are so very many supportive people in the blogosphere. What I love the most about them is their warmth has a reciprocal for freezing trolls beneath their bridges. <3 Off to see what you have done which will make my eyes swim <3 Much love and {HUGZ} xxx

  7. Well, I don’t even know what to say. This is so absurd on so many levels. This person is just a bully, you are right. The comments are really bizarre.
    Derek Mansker recently posted..Sounds Like Cheating to MeMy Profile

    • Utter troll. And to think she is doing this to her sister and believes she is the victim. Ugh. Great to see you tonight, Derek.

  8. i think the venom lady needs some shots of dhatura or bhang ( Datura belongs to the classic “witches’ weeds,” along with deadly nightshade, henbane, and mandrake. It was well known as an essential ingredient of love potions and witches’ brews.)
    she does she does she does..someone give her a ticket to India .
    Soma Mukherjee recently posted..It’s all about the giraffesMy Profile

    • Oh, my darling! I know about Datura! My mother has grow brilliant examples of it all my life. They are truly beautiful, as most poisons are. Trolls. We find the best of them 🙂 So very good to see you today, sweet Soma <3 xxx

  9. Blimey Red! What have I missed?
    I’ve been away for a couple of weeks, and come back to this – fun post, though, by the way!
    Curiosity got the better of me and I visited the site, saw comments to some of my friends there, and came away again – I shouldn’t think I’ll be going back. I’ve been affected by bullies personally and know they have no place in society yet they still exist. Cyber bullying seems easier for them as they have a platform to hide behind, but if they really thought about what they were doing, they’d realise just how sad they actually are. I’m not going to suggest any ways to help them (for one I wouldn’t know where to begin although I have tried!) but instead, I’ll simply wish them well, and hope they get over whatever issues they have before they end up really damaging themselves.
    On another note, should I have the misfortune of attracting a cyber bully myself, I hope you don’t mind, Red, if I send you round!
    Hope you are having a good weekend, and I’ll be back to read more soon!
    Tom recently posted..Wyvern’s Plea (Repeated)My Profile

    • In all of her blustering, she has not once noticed that even those who are pointing out how she is going about this all wrong are wishing her peace for what is obviously driving her quite mad, literally and figuratively.

      I am very glad to see you today! And equally glad to see you have something from the throwback file. You are more than welcome to send all trolls my way. All of the M3 Readers are. I have an affinity for attracting them, and immense pleasure in destroying them 🙂 Hope you have a fabulous weekend, Tom.


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