What you see is what you get.
Is this real or “simulated”?
Very rarely is this the case. More often than not, what meets the eye at first blush is far from the true contents of the package. Whether we are talking about products or people, what the box looks like is often deceptive. It is the bane of the first impression.
On Purpose?
People can, but do not always, portray themselves very differently than they really are. Over the course of this series we are going to look at some of the reasons why. Before we are finished, we will look at the reasons why people are not received in the way they present themselves, despite the honesty of the representation.
Why does it matter?
Our survey showed most people choose to limit the information they share at a first meeting to preserve their sense of self or to change the way their acquaintances judge them. It turns out, the judgment of our peers is a reality, even when we choose not to judge them in return. Where does all this judgment really begin?
The Box the Package Comes In
What is your mental picture?
What preconceived notions do you carry with you? Think of the following instances and tell me what the first thing to come to your mind is:
- Blonde
- Obese
- Overalls
- 3-piece suit
- A dirty uniform
- Woman with 3+ small children
- Unshaven, elderly man
Diamonds in the Rough
Humans are visual creatures. Our first input is through our eyes. How do we use what we see to determine worth? When we look at a diamond, we judge it on its appearance only. The color and size show its rarity. The cut gives it quality. Its flaws (or lack of them) assigns character. At the end of the day, how the diamond looks is important. But is it worth any less than the equal diamond still in the rough?
Mining
When we meet a new acquaintance, we are presented with the diamond in a setting. Quaint may look polished on the outside with a pretty setting, but until we delve into the inner character, we have no idea of Quaint’s worth. Is Quaint a true blue or canary yellow? Is Quaint riddled with flaws? Maybe, Quaint is cut and polished on top, but truly rough on the underside, hidden behind the setting… or the opposite may be true.
Playing with Light
Shining a light into a diamond shows more than a jeweler’s loop can. The light shines through, is refracted by the cuts or surfaces and reflected off (or absorbed by) the flaws. What is the light? Our own vision into Quaint’s true character.
Small Appliance or Q-Beam
When we are first introduced, Quaint may not give us anything but a name, as many are wont to do. Before we get to deciding how much Quaint can bring to our lives based solely on devilish good looks and snappy clothes, we need to decide how much light we are going to shine… and if we are willing to let Quaint shine into us.
Dirt on the Lens
If the light tends to bend in a strange direction, do not write Quaint off as not worth the vinegar. The dirt may just be on your corneas. We gauge people according to our experiences and knowledge. Some days, one or both may be lacking to give us a full picture of Quaint’s abilities and characteristics, especially given only a first impression.
Be Still
Listen with an open mind. What seems implausible in the beginning may well become sound when you hear the reasons why. What you guess was the reason (which makes you think badly of Quaint) may not be the real reason. Why have to wipe egg off your face?
If you have missed the first three installments of the Identity Series, please visit the posts below:
The comments are key to how we got to this post.
In the interest of this series: Give me your first thoughts to this list:
- Blonde
- Obese
- Overalls
- 3-piece suit
- A dirty uniform
- Woman with 3+ small children
- Unshaven, elderly man
valentinelogar
/ December 27, 2011Blonde – been there done that, immediately lowered my IQ in combination with my other assets.
Obese – been there still doing that, all I can say no longer judge as I know the underlying issues. To bad others don’t think it through.
Overalls – I live in Texas, come on this is standard day wear
3-piece suit – liar
Women with 3 children – really depends, are they well behaved or screaming at the top of their lungs and making a scene?
Unshaven elderly man – again really depends, my dad hated shaving toward the end of his life so who is to judge.
Red
/ December 27, 2011I have always said the reason I did not stay a blonde was because people talked to me s.l.o.w.e.r. Thank you for the honest answers, Val. Good exception points, as always. Curious to see what others will say as well. Red.
PS Would it have made a difference?…I was toying with the idea of making it “Pregnant woman with 3+ small children”.
valentinelogar
/ December 27, 2011No doesn’t make a difference. I don’t care if you have 15 children if they are well behaved. I might wonder at your good sense, but then I am me and don’t know how to deal with little human beings.
prenin
/ December 27, 2011Blonde?
Young, usually pretty and in good health – I was blonde as a kid until I went to School when my hair gradually became brown.
Obese?
I am overweight and on a constant diet, so overweight people have my understanding! 🙂
Overalls?
A worker – usually oily, dirty and rough handed.
3 piece suit – either going to church or on their way to Hell! 🙂
Dirty Uniform?
Depends on what the Uniform is.
A dirty Policeman is a busy one – they usually take good care of their appearance unless they have to deal with a criminal who fights back!
A dirty soldier has been at the sharp end and has had no access to the luxuries.
Woman with three small children?
My God daughter has three kids and they are a handful, but not nasty with it…
Unshaven, elderly man?
I know a few like that! 🙂
I shave once a week because I have a soap allergy and wash my hair weekly too – what remains of it…
Happy New Year and Best wishes for 2012!!! 🙂
Love and hugs!
Prenin.
Red
/ December 27, 2011Love the assessment of the suit!!! Very interesting observations, Pren! And a very Happy New Year to you as well! Red.
prenin
/ December 27, 2011Hi hun! 🙂
Just caught your comment! 🙂
I spent 35 years of my life looking after Pat’s four kids, Emily and God daughter Becky from birth, so they are the family dad denied me.
When there was money to be had from investigative journalists (Bottom feeding scum) the family turned on me and helped them drive me to a nervous breakdown and attempted suicide.
After I came out of hospital Becky was used as bait in a honey trap, but there’s no way I’d harm a child and I was sworn to care for her as her Godfather.
Needless to say I was cleared of all the allegations, so they threatened to burgle my home because I wasn’t co-operating.
Thirteen years on the family treat me as if my every orifice is solar powered, but I can’t forget because my insanity is a constant reminder…
Love and hugs!
Prenin.
Red
/ December 27, 2011As long as you have reached a place where you can cope, even with the reminders, all can be tolerated. Overall, though, it did appear you enjoyed your visit! Red.
prenin
/ December 27, 2011Of course – despite everything I love them all, but it will take a while before I learn to trust them again.
Paranoid Schizophrenia doesn’t help…
Love and hugs!
Prenin.
prenin
/ December 27, 2011Hi Red! 🙂
Yes, unpleasant but necessary – there are no bald patches thank goodness!!! 🙂
I’ve been having problems off and on for about a week now, so I’ve boil washed all my plates and utensils just in case.
You could be right of course – the home made soup had chopped fresh greens in it – but if it IS the source of my latest problem, then it was well worth it!!! 😛
You have a great Tuesday too my friend and God Bless!!! 🙂
Prenin.
Raymond Alexander Kukkee
/ December 27, 2011Red, first impressions are critical and often misleading –even prejudicial (there’s that word again!) and further examination under a jeweler’s loupe does reveal both the usual and the unexpected. First impressions, pre-analysis are:
Blonde: female Scandinavian
Obese: unhealthy, high degree of obesity suggests even slovenly ?
Overalls? Determined, honest work
3 piece suit? Arrogance, putting on airs, dishonesty
Dirty uniform? lack of dignity
Woman with 3+ children? Giving of herself, Salt of the earth
Unshaven elderly man? Dignity, identity established.
IN these categories alone there is much to be revealed with further analysis –enough for a book of life…
Red
/ December 27, 2011Suits really do get a bad name, do they not?
worrywarts-guide-to-weight-sex-and-marriage
/ December 27, 2011I haven’t read any of the comments yet, but will. First of all, GREAT post!
My Rorschach reaction:
Blonde – Probably not.
Obese – Overachiever who doesn’t take time for self.
Overalls – Enjoys comfort, doesn’t care about fashion or what people think. Unless the person wearing the overalls is a teenage girl then clearly she understands what it is to be on the cutting edge of retro fashion.
3-piece suit – Works in an industry where first impressions are important (sales).
A dirty uniform – Has a dirty job.
Woman with 3+ small children – Has a dirty, exhausting job.
Unshaven, elderly man – Retired.
Red
/ December 27, 2011Why thank you, Madame! I do so L.O.V.E. your blonde! Enjoy the comments. Hope you and the brood and the dog had a grand Christmas, Red.
grantahelms
/ December 27, 2011Thanks Red. This was just what I needed. Being a middle-aged, unshaven, obese man, with a new pair of over-all’s and 4 young children and 3 teenage children at home and typically dirty” work clothes”, I resemble this remark. Though I’m not blonde, I have ” blonde moments” and the only time you’ll catch me in a suit is Junior prom, my wedding and various funerals. When I die, PLEASE bury me in my over-all’s, I need something to make me feel at home when I get to Heaven. God Bless You and I love you, Grant
P.S. Also make sure that they bury me up-side-down so everyone can kiss my back-side. Haha. Love Ya !
Red
/ December 27, 2011*giggles* So, Grant, your answer is in the mirror! Love you too, and glad you got a laugh out of this one 😉 I will be sure the Bakers or the Cauthrens get it right! Red.
ansuyo
/ December 28, 2011I absolutely loved this post Ann Marie! Very true and goes with the ‘why do you seek to help your brother get the speck out of his eye when you have a beam in yours..’ thing.
1.Blonde– was one till I was 4. My first thought is “is it real?”
2.Obese — I am very obese, and I can tell you that some others assume: lazy, overeating pig, doesn’t care about herself, … They would be wrong on all counts (although I have moments of each of those).
3.Overalls — farmer comes to mind, or someone who enjoys being comfortable and has work to do.
4.3-piece suit — stuffy? OR – my dad is a pastor who ALWAYS wore a 3-piece suit – even when working on cars… because he wanted to appear professional. He wears cowboy shirts now lol. So impression of dressed up either way.
5.A dirty uniform — someone who has been at work. A clean uniform means you haven’t done anything, because work comes with dirt. This is true no matter what type of uniform you wear.
6.Woman with 3+ small children — I bet she’s tired!
7.Unshaven, elderly man — A man who needs someone to take care of him.
Red
/ December 28, 2011The splinter/plank is a theme for quite a few posts this week. And I LOVE #7. Red.