Mystery Coach has been an M3 Reader for a long time. At her blog, Mystery Coach DSI, she ponders everything from the deep to the deeply absurd. I asked her to guest blog and gave her nothing more to go on than caring for others. As I expected, her take on the matter is novel. Grab a cuppa.
Overprotective Nature ~ Good or Bad
Is being overprotective a good thing? It makes perfect sense to me to stand up for what we believe in or for someone we know and/or love for that matter.
Personally, if I see something that is hurtful to another human being I try to address it. Especially if it’s about manipulation, abuse or any other cruelty one person can do to another wherein they’re taking away from that person to serve themselves in some way. Some things I react to rather quickly and other things I try and get more information about before making any assumptions. The severity of the behavior can and has always dictated my reaction to whatever it is that’s going on.
Regardless of your good intentions, it’s important to learn where to insert the pause in how you react to a situation. Sometimes we don’t have the whole story and we’re reacting based on our life experiences up through to that point. Meaning, to temper your reaction until you have the whole story is the smart thing to do and one of the best bits of pearly wisdom I can give you, and I’ll tell you why.
If you’re overprotective and something strikes a nerve for you, particularly if it’s something you’ve been through in the past, you’re not only combating what’s going on now but all the old emotions from your past experiences. The two combined can make what’s going on in the present worse versus (perhaps resolving it could have been smoother) something that can escalate unnecessarily.
The other times being overprotective can be used against you is when one person knows your emotional triggers on the matter and uses you to fight their battles. This one is insidious and can sneak up on you. There you are figuring you’re doing the right thing and all that’s happening is, you are officially being manipulated into defending someone or some thing without having all the facts. It’s like being goaded into doing something really stupid without your consent because the reality is, if you’re that overprotective, you may not pay attention to the entire situation. This goes back to tempering how you react to things, stop and think before you do something you’ll regret.
I remember a time where a man who ran a network was lying, stealing, cheating and sleeping with at least one of his members. One after the other people told me their stories privately and none of them wanted to do anything about it: they were afraid, they felt foolish and they just wanted to tell someone. I believe a few months went by and someone pointed out to me specifically that this man had taken advantage of someone else and she had posted on the network and directed me to the network and the post made by this other woman.
Within fifteen minutes of seeing this woman’s post about what he did to her and armed with all this other information of things he had done to everyone else, I confronted him myself and I listed all the things he had done, minus the individuals names of course and shortly thereafter the network was closed down.
My point here is that this person who pointed it out to me wasn’t going to do it themselves and I understand we all need a hand now and then, this much is true. She also knew, in good conscience, I would not allow these things to continue. Instead of confronting it herself, she used me because she knew I would address it.
In this case I had a lot of information from many other people directly, it wasn’t based on speculation. Always have facts, information and try to get the whole story. We tell stories primarily to sooth our side of things and that’s not always the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
Sometimes too, we hear a story from our friends about someone, a portion of it can make you glaze over because you can’t do that to friend, but in doing this, we block out all the other information in the story, except for what? The truth.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with sticking up for what you believe. At the same time stop and think about what you’re doing, what the whole picture entails and how things go to that point. I’m not talking about abusive relationships where it’s obvious and even then, you may not get anywhere due to the dynamics of that relationship anyway.
Sometimes when we’re overprotective to an extreme, (i.e., we react quickly and with anger) our reaction will stop people from coming to us because they’re afraid of what you may do, even if it’s helpful to them. If you’re explosive or confrontation instantaneously over something you hear, you could make the situation worse, we don’t want that. We want that pause inserted, where you take a step back, breath, think something through and find the best solution for that particular situation.
I mean really, some things are obvious, like seeing someone kick a puppy. By all means do something. When we hear an argument escalating between people and you step in to calm things down so it doesn’t go to an extreme, excellent idea. Sometimes though, we could potentially feed into something unnecessarily which doesn’t do anyone any good.
So what am I saying? Wait and gather all the information as to how things evolved. Stop and pause to determine the best course of action for that particular situation. There is nothing wrong with being protective of others, the people we care about and having strong feelings about what people are doing to one another. How we handle it can make all the difference.
Take it from me because I am one of those people who gets involved and over the years you learn, you have to pause and temper what you’re doing so you can see the whole picture and so someone else can’t something that’s a part of your nature to their benefit. Your reaction to things can and will create blind spots in a situation, so I suggest you learn what sets you off and learn to temper your reactions.
Are you overprotective? If so, of whom? Have you ever stepped in with your own emotional baggage? What is your aboslute I am going to step in scenario or person?
Many thanks to Mystery Coach for guest posting. Be sure to show your thanks for giving you a break from Red. See you in the comments!
(c) Red Dwyer 2012
Original post text (c) Mystery Coach.
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