Housework for the Idle Bloke

The old concept of a woman’s place is in the home has long gone for the modern day female and this study gives a short outline of how to get the narrow-minded male into the knack of doing household chores without tearing your hair out in the process.

vacuumThe first step for the female is to entice her man gently into some washing up duties; this can be just a few plates after lunch or perhaps try throwing him in at the deep end, after a party for instance. The average bloke will automatically raise his ‘I Hate Housework Shield’, which is fine if you are prepared to do all the work yourself?

However, this lesson is a crucial starting point and if necessary, force should be adhered to reach the best results. Bedtime treats are definitely out until your man is sufficiently domesticated or at least has shown some initial progress on the basics, of course if you are in the mood for a long sex session yourself then this is acceptable, but do not let him think it is a housework good boy treat otherwise he will expect to get some you know what every time he empties the bin, buys you some flowers or makes you that seldom cup of tea.

Teaching your man the complex skills of vacuuming can be rather tricky as he would rather just sit and moan while you do this around his feet. Confiscate his daily paper and his favorite magazine; no, not the girlie pornographic ones that he has stashed in his underpants and socks drawer thinking that you know nothing about them.

Mopping the Floors can be a nice trial period for him but if he starts moaning feel free to add the toilet cleaning duties, which should control his filthy habit of missing the target after a few beers. Basic chores are best developed with a steady learning curve incorporated so as not to complicate his uninspiring thinking abilities, remember he is not used to being disciplined in this manner and can be prone to sulking if he does not get his own way on things.

After a period of around three to four weeks his housework proficiency should be earning him some treats but as before, do not give in on the sex related pleasures unless you are in a passionate mood.

By now you should be enjoying the idea of your man taking part in everyday chores around the house, like washing the floors, taking the dog out, making the bed, doing all the vacuuming and generally kissing your feet for sexual favors. He will be less inclined to make a mess around the house now and this will enhance all of your other pleasures, providing that he has the energy left to satisfy you. Even his foreplay and lovemaking skills will vastly improve, well you can dream anyway. Okay, so apart from the obvious it has been a really excellent study, one tip though, if he does get out of line, use the ‘Sting Method’, which is just a mousetrap attached to his…


Just a touch of levity in a wild week! Talk back for tonight’s guest poster, Gray!

Hashtags: #humor #marriage #sex

© Red Dwyer 2013
Original blog post © Gray Dawster 2013
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70 Comments

  1. I was halfway through this piece before I realized who wrote it. I thought this was what kids were for.
    Binky recently posted..Optional AccessoriesMy Profile

    Reply
    • Gray Dawster

       /  February 28, 2013

      Thank you Binky, I guess that kid’s do some of the chores around the house, perhaps for pocket money or just because they like to help mum out but this one is a neck breaking (metaphorically speaking of course :)) new idea that could really start to catch on, well possibly? 🙂 lol

      Gray Dawster

      Reply
    • It is the children’s third largest function in the house.

      Reply
      • I would’ve thought first.
        Binky recently posted..Optional AccessoriesMy Profile

        Reply
        • Oh, no. Play is their first job in the house. It is that mirth which keeps me from looking like everyone assumes I should when I tell them my age and how many I have.

          Reply
          • I would exploit mine more than you do yours!
            Binky recently posted..Optional AccessoriesMy Profile

          • You are not the first to tell me that. The only bene I really like is the times when I still had built in babysitters. Alas, those children have their own children now…and want me to babysit.

          • It never ends! Of course, those are some of the real joys of life. Being a grandparent means you can have more fun with less responsibility, which is a great experience for most.
            Binky recently posted..Optional AccessoriesMy Profile

          • Sugar them up and send them home with toys which make noise. *wicked laughter*

  2. Gray Dawster

     /  February 28, 2013

    At first I wasn’t sure which script you would choose but this one should lift a few eyebrows, sorry guys the ladies need your support around the house and this is your guide into helping them out, just watch out for the dreaded mouse traps should you fail miserably 🙁 lol

    Thank you for adding this one as your Guest Post Red I am honoured to see it here my great friend and I certainly do appreciate it 🙂

    Have a lovely rest of evening 🙂

    Gray Dawster xxxx

    Reply
    • Thank you for giving me a break this afternoon. 😉 I hope it raises the corners of some lips!

      Reply
      • Gray Dawster

         /  March 1, 2013

        It is always a pleasure to help you out wherever I can Red and I am pleased that it gave you an opportunity to chill out a little 🙂

        I wonder who is going to
        adopt this new craze? 🙂 lol

        Gray Dawster xxxx

        Reply
  3. OK, confession time. I love to clean the house. I love to vacuum, I love to bleach tile, blah blah blah. What’s wrong with me? And once again, no, I do not want to clean your house or anyone’s unless I’ve given birth to you or you’ve gifted me with a Chanel. So… why do I love to dust and organize the china cabinet? (My DIL wanted me to start a biz called Princess Rosebud Cleaning Service, but I’ve owned small businesses before, and there are too many rules and regs in Cali and takes all the fun out of it!) You really got me thinking!
    enchantedseashells recently posted..Confessions and ClarificationsMy Profile

    Reply
  4. Delightfully light-hearted, but I fear the jokes may be hiding some of the authors’ bitter, bitter experiences…. 😉
    El Guapo recently posted..Trifecta – But What Kind Of Doctor?!?My Profile

    Reply
    • I mite heavy on the tenor of experience?

      Reply
    • Gray Dawster

       /  March 1, 2013

      Thank you El Guapo, but you do realise that I have had to stop hoovering and cleaning out the oven to reply to you on this one 😉 lmao

      Remember it takes two to tango but only one to be a couch potato 🙂 Blimey my quotes are definitely a lot worse than my writing skills 🙂

      Have a fun day Guap 🙂

      Gray Dawster

      Reply
  5. Bearman

     /  February 28, 2013

    My wife heard one of those relationships experts say you shouldn’t nag your husband to do chores but encourage him. Now she says things like “you look sexy when you clean the cat litter”

    Reply
    • Nothing is as hot as a man with a pooper scooper. Except maybe one in dish gloves.

      Reply
    • Gray Dawster

       /  March 1, 2013

      Cat litter today and scrubbing the bath and water closet tomorrow, now how sexy does your wife need you Bearman? 🙂 lol

      Mind you once you finish those chores there are plenty of others to be getting on with but with sweet delights as a bonus I figure your expertise will broaden more than just the housework experiences but that is definitely for another story 😉

      Have a fun Friday Bearman and thank you for offering your thoughts on this one 🙂

      Gray Dawster

      Reply
  6. This was great! I live alone and love to see the housekeeper come, too. I spent many younger years doing the thankless household stuff, now I’d rather play.
    Gail Thornton recently posted..Gail Thornton – Unique Artisan JewelryMy Profile

    Reply
    • Gray Dawster

       /  March 1, 2013

      Thank you for your thoughts on my nonsensical but hopefully useful twist on Housework for the Idle Bloke, if only every woman had one, nooooo not an idle bloke, I mean a guy willing to help out around the house and not be a lazy… Well you know? 🙂

      Have a lovely rest of Friday Gail 🙂

      Gray Dawster

      Reply
    • I am so glad I did not do that! 😛

      Reply
  7. Oh pooh, I skipped the mousetrap and went straight to the meat clever.

    Reply
    • See, the appendages are necessary…

      Reply
    • Gray Dawster

       /  March 2, 2013

      The mousetrap is always a handy tool but then the cleaver would definitely add an incentive for any idle bloke to please and might even help his flagging responsibilities in other departments 🙂 lol

      Yes I am jesting but I did have a giggle at your comment 🙂 Thank you Laurie.

      Gray Dawster

      Reply
  8. Given I’m a crusty old bachelor I find the household chores are less if I keep tidying up as I go.

    Needless to say my work environment is a little untidy, but nobodies perfect, right? 🙂

    Love and squishy hugs!

    Prenin.
    prenin recently posted..Thursday – I contact repairs.My Profile

    Reply
    • Methinks good housekeeping skills would cut down on the crust. IJS. o.O

      Reply
    • Gray Dawster

       /  March 2, 2013

      When one lives alone then anything that is acted upon regarding household chores is a must, I mean how can one function in a tip?

      Okay so your work station might be a tad untidy at times but then I guess everyone that is busy creating needs to enjoy their surroundings and not sit in a clinical unlived part of the home. Now grab a duster, spray on some polish and get your polishing done laddie or else? 🙂 lol

      Seriously now, even guys need to have the drive towards cleanliness even if cleaning up is boring and humdrum. Thank you for joining in on this one Prenin.

      Gray Dawster

      Reply
      • I have often wondered what I would do if I ever lived alone. My guess is I would have the housekeeper do everything and never be home to make a mess. Just musing, mind you. As the next generation is already begun, I do not see it happening in my lifetime.

        Reply
  9. Until my dryer quit, laundry was just another chore. Now I find I’m looking forward to those sunny breezy days when I can hang stuff on the line and take it in all fresh and ironed by the wind.

    Reply
    • I love line-dried items…especially towels and sheets. I could tell a story, but I prefer to just remember the smell of sunshine 🙂 Glad you stopped by for this one.

      Reply
    • Gray Dawster

       /  March 2, 2013

      Yes getting the washing on the line and chilling out a bit helps to improve the daily chores list, perhaps even add some enjoyable elements such as shopping, noooooo I mean some of your girlie shopping as I know you girls really enjoy that 🙂

      Thank you for adding your thoughts RLB 🙂

      Gray Dawster

      Reply
  10. if a man doesnt go to work or bring in any wage to the household im sure he needs to to lots of housework many stay in bed most of the day musing over their ego then the computor calls on a night id much rather have a truthful relationship and know what my other half is up too then maybe id laugh at nude dusting ect
    jennygoth recently posted..Freshly Pressed: Friday FavesMy Profile

    Reply
    • I am in the opposite camp. I do not want my man slaving away somewhere away from home. I am the sugar momma…always have been. He must stay home, be a good husband and father. I appreciate the buff hoovering 🙂 Great to see you today, Jen. xxx

      Reply
    • Gray Dawster

       /  March 1, 2013

      It is true that there are those kinds of men that do not seek work out of choice but there are also those that spent decades looking after their parents, even more so when the need was great, and afterwards found that finding work was not an easy thing to accomplish once the years had ticked by, which is not the same thing as not wishing to find work in the first place.

      This comment is aimed at me personally…

      Life is never simplistic; one has to make choices based on many factors and once that choice has been selected there is no turning back no matter how the dice falls.

      This is a live arena and I am here to add my thoughts upon a personal subject, I feel forced into adding something that I have never spoken about but I know from experience that looking after an elderly parent is not easy and my mother needed someone, she was tired and had little time to do what she wanted, looking after my father for over thirty five years after a stroke nearly killed him took its toll on her so much later when my father deteriorated I decided enough was enough and offered to sit with my dad while she had a bit of a life, how he declined over that five year period was something that almost crushed me and my mum and I know that she was under a great deal of pressure, she needed the space and I freely gave it to her by looking after my father through the days and evenings or whenever she needed me.

      Yes currently I am not in employment, but I am not a lazy person, in the time that I have been out of work I have written two books, one of which is sat gathering dust somewhere on a publishers desk and another that is of a far lesser quality than I would offer packed away in the loft, and then there is the novel that I am writing at the moment so yes I am without a full time job but not through choice.

      I know that you did some truly lovely things for your mum when she needed you and how she must have been so happy that she had you by her side when she needed you the most. From what you told me of her I know that she was a loving woman and very special.

      I know that I am not perfect, far from it is more to the point but I am trying to make sense of everything. Time is so precious Jen but I do not regret helping my mum even though the consequences of doing so have impacted heavily on my life.

      This script that I have offered Red is just fictional but I know that there are a lot of men like this in reality, who choose not to be helpful or indeed cannot be bothered to find any kind of paid work.

      Thank you for adding your thoughts on my guest posting but I would much rather have not spoken of this here or anywhere else on the Internet, it is just too personal for me but alas I guess I am just not worth it and so it does not matter what you or anyone else thinks of me.

      Is life so unjust that I need to explain myself here? That is all I have to say on this and I would prefer not to have any kind of feedback from anyone on what I have just written as I just cannot do with it…

      Thank you.

      Reply
      • I shan’t abide your prohibition, as well you should know. Your revelation is not going to garner the reaction you may have posited when you wrote it.

        There is much of the world deluded into believing the theory of the man being the head of the household and the designated wage earner by virtue of his penis. I, and quite a few of my personal contacts, know this is where the adage Money is the root of all evil, springs.

        The men turned out merely to bring home a paycheck to a self-righteous wife feeling deserved of support by virtue of occasional use of her genitalia is the breeding ground for infidelity. Being in a relationship where both partners mutually benefit the household is a far better solution than dividing the world into his and hers, which, incidentally, belies the point of relationships in the first place.

        I would love to see more people taking care of their elders rather than warehousing them in facilities with minimum wage earners as caretakers with the collected knowledge insufficient to care for houseplants.

        Thank you both for the introduction to what may well become a long series on the fallacies of marriage and gender bias.

        Reply
        • My mother took care of both her aging parents until they died, and held down a full time job with horrendous overtime simply by its nature. It is possible to do so.

          The relationships that work are not the ones where gender roles are clearly defined but the ones where both parties agree on the roles they play.

          The sugar momma angle is simply a reversal of traditional gender roles. A man has to be secure in his own manhood to take the role traditionally thought of as a woman’s role and not feel as if his genitalia has shrunk as a result.

          Being the pampered house wife only works for women that are built that way. Not all of us are, and prefer it that way. Our children are happy, our daughters learn they do not have to bow down or defer to anyone.

          Outside looking in appearances can be deceiving, having a penis does not make one mechanically inclined, intelligent or the one to take care of things including but not limited to managing a household.

          I have yet to find a man man enough to “put me in my place” and leave me there.

          Reply
          • I am watching a long missing portion of the M3 line up returning…

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