Bear's RedI am finished.

Over the course of my life, I have accepted what was on offer because it was the only thing on offer. In that acceptance, I have always realized my needs and desires were not in anyone else’s mind; ergo, no one would proffer anything to my specifications. In coping with OCD in a world where good enough is the status quo, coming to that realization was a triumph.

I have been labelled as a bitch because I expect those who are employed to do their jobs. I have been called unreasonable because I expect proficiency from those who are paid to be experts in their fields. I have been described to others as overbearing for expecting logic, or in the very least common sense, to apply to job processes. I have been called a horrible customer because I expect products to perform as advertised when purchased.

I am none of those things. I am insane.


Everyday, I get up with the hope my fellow members of the human race forwent the heaping bowl of stupid for breakfast, made the conscious effort to engage brain cells before committing rote stupidity and decided to employ compassion, empathy and/or integrity.

Why do I do it? I want to believe people in this world, especially those in my life, care enough about me not to reinforce my increasing lack of faith in humanity.

Days of the Week

Every single day, I am disappointed. My island drifts further away from my peers, those who inhabit my daily life, those on whom I have come to depend. I am taking my rightful place of solitude where the only person I rely upon is me because I know I will be certain to know my needs before I attempt to fill them. I will not choose what others have because it works for them; instead, I will choose what is right for me.

No longer will I go without so others may have, especially when their poverty comes as a direct result of voluntary inaction. No longer will I downplay my own needs; instead I will give them the attention they deserve. If I do not, no one else will. History proves, when given the opportunity, people merely evaluate my needs as something they are glad I have and they do not; most are overwhelmed and cannot offer a way to help.

Regardless of the press releases, not everything in my life with which I need assistance is insurmountable. I have a good general idea of how to overcome it. More often than not, I only need someone to hand me the appropriate implements or loan me the tools I may not have in my arsenal.

Since that assistance is not on offer, it is time for me to don my red feathers… again.

© Red Dwyer 2013
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  1. Well, it’s official I’m insane too. I have to wake up without the hope that those who have had a bowl of stupidity for breakfast will not enter my orbit; everyday I am disappointed.

    Not relying on someone else to meet your needs does reduce disappointment, we live in a world where no one cares if you do without as long as their needs are met. I only willingly do without for my children; they at least have an understanding that the well is not filled with an endless supply of instafix.

    The really sad part, the children are smarter than the adults that orbit around proclaiming expertise in all areas whether they possess it or not.

    But then again what would I know, I have this silly belief that skills should speak for themselves instead of whose ass people have kissed to get where they are. Oh well, looks like I’ll keep the less than desirable for a little while longer, ass kissing is not something I can do and I refuse to add it to my skill set.

    May you find sanity, or at least not find any idiots today.
    Laurie recently posted..Flash in the Pan: EgressMy Profile

  2. Ah, yes, expectations… that is where we all go wrong – expecting that Joe Blow, over there, gives a damn. Or Cathy Cookie-Cutter really wants to be of service to those who need it.
    But wait – we forgot to clarify the expectations, to define integrity, otherwise how can we hold them to it?
    OK, now that’s just ridiculous. Expecting products that outperform their hype, or friends who proactively respond to my needs, even if they have to be said in slow. simple. words.
    We wish for the good old days when honesty and integrity were the order of the day – think again, silly, there has always been deceit and undermining to forestall my needs for yours.
    It’s not about the quality of the product, the knowledge of the experts, words given and words broken. It’s about what makes you feel superior, despite your extraordinary inferiority. It’s about what you can get out of my pocket before I realize you’ve drained me dry!
    I too, am insane, and plan to keep my expectations high. I will not “settle” for what little may be available, that only speaks to 0.01% of my need.
    And if you, the expert, the manufacturer, can’t provide what I need, why then I guess I’ll just have to take that on too.
    And I wonder why I get so little done?!?!?
    Thanks for reminding us, Red that, even in insanity, we are still looking for the uncompromising solution. I know I will continue this way. And I know I am not alone!

    BuddhaKat recently posted..For a Few Fractals…My Profile

  3. Dearest Red,
    For one time I am not going to talk about me in response to your blog post. I feel your disappointment in more ways than one. Your frustration (insanity) is palpable. I have compassion, though I may not have what you need. I want to reach out to you, but it would be inadequate, not because of your needs, but because of me.
    Thinking of you and hoping your solitude heals you.
    Gail Thornton recently posted..An Interview with Poet Laurie ChildreeMy Profile

    • Each of us has something to offer. What may not seem to be a fit in the moment, often turns out to be what we needed all along. (KUS) xxx

  4. Yep.

    If there’s anyway I can help you (or any way you think I might be useful in helping) to meet the ends, let me know.

    And give em hell!
    El Guapo recently posted..How to Make A Guap: FireMy Profile

  5. Its not insanity. Its optimism. Eternal optimism. Somewhere one day…someone didn’t let you down. And of course you do not let others down, even at your own expense..and so you at one time had a different result and you are optimistic . I happen to know I am one of the smucks who let you down..doesnt matter why ..anything I could have as an excuse I know ypu deal with times gazillions ..there is no
    excuse but.. I come through sometimes at the most needed times..lately not enough at all.. I forgot where that was going. Your optimism or insanity if ypu prefer..inspires people. Some do things they never would and you may not even know it. I am glad yo hear you say you are putting your needs first finally. To put them on the back burner is what is insanity. We teach people how to treat us.. its a life law. Often it is not in how we treat them we teach this lesson but how we treat ourselves. . if we do not meet our needs then there are few who will. Our friends love us and care but it may not be what we need of them only if in the past they have failed you and bad behavior and dissappointment is waved off..then they learn you will always forgive which is a beautiful thing but then they put ypur needs where you put them… not first. It’s not selfish..its survival without bitterness or cynacism for how many times can one person be disappointed before even holding the belief in humanity they deeo down know they will not see it. BRAVO! I LOVE YOU .. and I dont know how you function with some of the shit you deal with.. I having a mere taste of the walls you climb.. sat on my ass and licked my wounds. I suck sometimes but ypu inspire me to try again and be better and try agsin. I have never returned to something I have bombed so many imes to rry to find a better me.. and be a better friend. Ijs.
    Lizzie Cracked recently posted..As if Birds With the Freaky Eyebrows Weren’t Enough… Now It’s Candy, and I am a SUCKER!My Profile

  6. String that bow and sharpen those arrow heads. In a land populated by the regular insane and governed (oxymoron) by the criminally insane, us normal people are considered insane. As if they are qualified to judge.

    They are the people (actually inmates) who repeat the same action over and over expecting a different result. I’m betting that you don’t quite qualify Red because you make adjustments each time you try something. This is the way a torpedo hits its target. It continuously adjusts until boom.
    John McDevitt recently posted..Saigon Streets 1966: A 58 ChevyMy Profile

    • I am looking forward to the boom and the shrapnel in its wake. You are right: I do adjust and adapt to refine my performance. Thank you, John.

  7. I always hope for the best too, and am usually disappointed. Few people do what they can or should. And most are just concerned with themselves and their own needs.
    Binky recently posted..Launch Pad LunaticsMy Profile

  8. Red…. I empathize with your conundrum completely, and can only offer my own observation, which is this: Yes, they’re all stupid, and no, they won’t change, not for me, not even for themselves. I can either look at it with humor and compassion, or with impatience and frustration, and THAT choice is always mine…. Sometimes I choose to chew on them, other times I choose to help… most of the time, I spend figuring out how to avoid them altogether, mostly by bullying everyone, metaphorically speaking, and making friends with those who talk back…. And, deciding to take control of that which can be controlled, i.e., our own state of mind, is never a bad idea…. Makes for long days, though, doesn’t it?…. 😆
    gigoid recently posted..Yet another display of consistently obscene pathology….My Profile

    • It does make for long days, Ned. I prefer sarcasm to humor, as in your metaphorical bullying. This time my shitometer is overflowing. As with all things, it will pass. I am very glad to see you.

  9. Out of all of this what I read is your strength, abilities and capabilities. Above the frustration and disappointment with all others I read that you can deal with this.

    What others think of you (or think of anyone) is usually a reflection of their own fears and inabilities. How many times I have heard someone say “they make us look bad” in talking of another person’s striving and achieving. Your striving and expectations don’t make them what they are. But it’s like holding up a mirror for them to see what it is you see. Many (self included) have a difficult time accepting how we are vs. what we think we are.

    Powerful stuff Red.
    C. Brown recently posted..An Atomic Spark from a 1937 YearbookMy Profile

    • Thank you, Colleen. I am dealing with it much better. My refinement of my targeting (see my comment to John) has begun to yield better results.

      You are right about the self-reflection. Most everyone projects themselves onto others. Some people believe the best in others through their own inner light. Others see their own darkness in others. In both cases, they are unable to see it in themselves.

  10. People fail us constantly, not from a desire to fail us but from an inability to live up to expectations; which is too often something within the other person. Sometimes the best the other person has to give isn’t enough, they know it and thus they fail both you and even themselves. It is a harsh judgment, to know even our best isn’t enough.

    I am sorry.
    Valentine Logar recently posted..Fall Flash – IIIMy Profile

    • I believe very few people desire to fail. Makes me wonder why we do not give ourselves enough credit for the gifts we have to offer or our recipients ability to pick our gems from the rough. I love you. Please do not be sorry. xxx


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