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Dear Experts

The Internet is no substitute for real people. Rather than be evil and leave it there, let’s explore.

Dear Experts,

The Internet is rife with gurus and experts in every field from asteroid farm to hemorrhoids. The problem with this is somewhere there is a real, FAB* person who is pounding a keyboard or squawking into a Dictaphone® the drivel which will be translated by an ingenious HTML creator into Internet content. Guess what. This means you.

Lon Chaney Quasimodo

Public domain from the 1923 Universal Pictures “Hunchback of Notre Dame”

In your mother’s basement, you have never been exposed to the facts upon which you based your alleged expertise. With your face for radio, your personality prevents you from showing it in public forum. Ironically, the public is far more genteel to the Quasimodos of the world than they will ever be to you. Why? Sit down.

Your inner ugliness far exceeds whatever body malformation anyone on this planet can conceive. Your blatant disregard for concepts which are universally accepted, and the adamancy with which you pursue your perversion, creates a boundary between you and the remainder of the human race.

I had to ask myself why you exist. The woebegone conclusion saddened me to the point of physical illness. I took the time to ask questions of your cronies, followers and disciples. They answered freely the questions you could not.

Those who buy into, especially with plastic, your cockamamie nonsense are desperate. Some for love. Some for healing. Some merely for human contact, even if it requires a screen and thousands of miles between you.

You, with your half-truths and lies, promise grandiose solutions which no one will ever attain. It is not any shortcoming on their part. They are more than willing to try any and/or everything you suggest. In the end, you have done nothing but preyed on the hope which cannot spring eternal.

See, in the wee hours of the morning when your followers are calculating the cost of your idiocy against the bills which disregard all other costs, they realize you have stolen the resources which could have yielded the real solution.

When you show your signs of affluence as a signal of your success, I roll my eyes. One rolls for the desperation which precludes rational judgment in your followers. The other rolls in disgust at your flaunting your ability to fleece thousands upon millions.

head up assWere you truly altruistic your materials would be offered freely to the betterment of mankind. They would not be at the one-time-only-low-price-of-$99. It is not savings, regardless of what your advertising firm told you. The majority of those who scrape together the money are depriving themselves and their families of electricity, medicine, water, food, shelter, clothing… true necessities.

No, it did not work for you. The only thing in which you are an expert is incitement. You create a dramatic scene in which your victims can easily submerse themselves. Had you any cajones the life preserver would not not have a price tag dangling from it.

There is more I would love to tell you, but alas your email address has bounced for lack of payment. Quelle surprise. The lease on your new mobile must be quite expensive. Even now, you cannot take responsibility for your own actions. Your lack of forethought is covered by the dealership.

Fortunately, Karma has a special ticket for you. You may not elect to cash it in on this plane. When you do, and the façade crumbles to reveal the lies, you shall begin your penance. Pity it cannot last as long as all the days and nights you’ve wasted in other’s lives.

Now for some meditation so you rob me of not one more moment.

Red Signature


A Month of Letters

Month of Letters https://www.facebook.com/LetterMo

This year I participated in the Month of Letters. I was not entirely successful, as I found the challenge after it had already begun.

For an M3 twist, I am writing a letter a day for the month of May.

*FAB = Flesh And Blood

Which is the most egregious snake oil salesman on the Internet? How do we stem the ignorance of those who fall for these schemes?

Hashtags: #amwriting #letters #experts

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© Red Dwyer 2014
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7 Comments

  1. Snake oil salesmen thrive because humans are either desperate or greedy. Catch a poor soul in dire circumstances / need and he swoops down. Everyone is looking for magic, but not everyone has the sense to stop to think about what sounds too good to be true most likely is.

    Nice to see you back, Red. <3
    Tess recently posted..100-Word Challenge for Grownups #135My Profile

    Reply
  2. Perhaps I should have cut my price to $49.99?

    Reply
  3. I studied copywriting when I was laid off back in 2005. I made a grand total of $300 for one piece. I realized that I’m not cut out to be a lying snake oil salesman. But I learned a lot about how the system works.

    One way these parasites work is to ‘borrow’ the research of others, jam it into a so called e-book and sell it for $57 “better hurry before the price goes up to $97.”

    Tess called this one: Desperation or greed. Mostly it’s greed. People fall for the something for nothing trick all the time. Desperation drives people to look for answers in lots of wrong places. The Internet is a wonderful resource but you gotta know how to use it.

    Self proclaimed experts? Learn to ignore them. If it’s too good to be true, it is.

    Unfortunately you can’t stem the ignorance of the ignorant. These are the same people that send money to Nigeria (shaking his head sadly).
    John McDevitt recently posted..Back to the Horsepistol (again)My Profile

    Reply
  4. You are so precise, I love that you are back telling the truth and calling it.

    Ignorance, greed and just plain ugly has a way of sneaking in and killing our hearts. The only way to combat this? Simply, as you say, knowing Karma will always take care of it in the end.

    I love you my sister.
    Valentine Logar recently posted..Tell Me, Claim MeMy Profile

    Reply
    • I certainly hope the Karma bus is full when it runs over them. I love you, too.

      Reply
  5. Gray Dawster

     /  June 28, 2014

    It is great to see you back posting Red and with a marvellous posting too, you know it is said that what goes around comes around and I am a firm believer of that.

    I hope that your weekend is
    going smoothly my dear friend 🙂

    Andro xxxx

    Reply
    • Enjoying the best of our Independence Day weekend. 🙂 Glad to see you, sweet friend. xxx

      Reply

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