The time of year has come when cards are the standard fare in the letter box. Some of them are what we expect: glittery, shiny, cheerful tidings of holiday merriment. Then, there is the card Mantra sent.
Like most muses, she is more interested in the integrious portions of our interactions. She has crafted a card sure to be rejected by Hallmark, despite its meter.
Aptly titled A Card, we realize it could have been delivered at Valentine’s Day, Arbor Day or any other made up occasion where we exchange cards. It could have come on any random Tuesday. It just so happens, this one is delivered on a Monday before the end of the year.
I picked up an envelope today.
I recognized the handwriting.
It made me smile before I opened it.
The stock was cool to the touch.
It reminded me of you.
“It has been a very long year,
But it is coming to a close.
I’ve learned a lot about me
Through the things I chose.
Although in all of them
Your counsel was needed
And offered only when asked.
Now, I wish I had heeded.
You’d have kept me from heartache
And pain I brought upon myself again.
I saw it in your eyes every time
You watched me bang my shin
On furniture I had rearranged.
Never did the words cross your lips,
But you would’ve been right to say
I was a dolt for any of my slips.
If I had had the sense to ask you
For the advice you had on offer,
Today would not have had to been
One I will not spend with another.
Being alone is the price I deserve to pay
For all the times I wasn’t there.
You deserve better, someone who
Will always show love and care.
One day, I hope, I will come to you
And ask for something you never took:
Your friendship. You willingly gave it
Even when the ground beneath me shook
Until my fear was all that was left.
I cowered away from who you are.
Even though I love your soul,
I couldn’t compete with a star.
A light shines from you,
Breaking the dark’s spine.
I wasn’t ready to bask my flaws,
But, maybe, with enough time
I will find the forgiveness place
Where I can let the fear go.
When I do, I will come to you;
I really should let you know
I shed the carapace, which
Has weighed me down;
Stopped listening to the whispers,
With their judgmental sounds;
Gave up doing things the way
Only I know how, because
There is a better way than mine.
I will beg you to pause
From your causes and missions
To give me the moment I never
Spared for you, in my folly.
I wish we could be together.”
Your name is scrawled beneath
The crooked heart I have come
To associate with you.
I close the card and put it back
In the envelope for safe keeping.
It will remind me of you
When the months roll past
Without the slightest word
Uttered from you.
They will be much like now
When I am nearby,
But an ocean away from you.
Perhaps, that day will come
When you do appear and show
You became the best you.
The one I always knew.
The one I always loved.
The real you.
Have you ever gotten a letter explaining a break up with a friend or Mate? Are you one who holds your advice until bidden? What is the card you have gotten with the best handwritten contents (IOW, do not answer “one with a check”)?
Hashtags: #poetry, #relationships
Merry Christmas from our family to you and yours.
© Red Dwyer 2012
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