The Leaving



Three Strikes

Either I will strike out or this post will be born. This is a third attempt. It is not a matter of writer’s block, which is a trick of the mind. I think the prohibition is one which springs from my soul. What I am going to share was not something which sprang to life in a matter of minutes.

I have not anything poignant or pithy to say first. Perhaps, nothing at all is sufficient.

The Leaving

More than anything I want
to hold you in my arms,
to feel your hand wrapped
around the tip of my finger.

To sniff the top of your head
and feel the silken strands
against my nose. They tickle
and ensure the smell lingers.

How quickly your breaths come.
Even your sigh is small.
A little coo signals a nap
where you will gather your strength.

I touch your back, and you
snuggle into my gentle palm.
Fingers gently rub your leg
running softly down its length.

My thumb in your tiny arch
makes your toes curl, hold tight.
Silently, my hand draws away.
My heart feels the distance grow.

The night turns cold and the stars
hide behind clouds shrouding the moon.
My eyes snap open without focus
as bolt upright I sit in the bed.

The “Go back to sleep” sounds like it
emerges from somewhere underwater.
The words do not register, but instead
they rattle around in my head.

Quietly, I rise in search of the phone.
I stand and look at it. One, two, three,
before it rings beneath my trembling touch.
It isn’t my voice echoing, “Who’s this?”

I can’t see the clothes as I slide them
onto my skin in the closeted darkness,
but I feel the pull as I lean down
with “I’ll be back” and the lightest kiss.

I fumble for keys, stumble into the night.
The drive is so long, I see the faint dawn
crawl in through the window and splash
on your little left cheek, all aglow.

They scurry around you with all their
tools, and I stand shrinking away.
“Get her out of here.” Someone mercifully
complies, taking me out by the hand.

I do not want to see, but my gaze
is transfixed by the lights and the
flash of surgical steel. I feel the pull
though my feet sink in quicksand.

They bring you to me. I know why
you’ve come, to let me hold you one
last time. You must go, but I wish you
could have stayed, for I love you so.



Hold my hand.

© Red Dwyer 2006-2012
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  1. Hi Red! 🙂

    Yeah Keith is a decorated veteran so he’s seen a lot of crap, but writing off the car was the luckiest break anyone could have!

    All he got were a few minor facial cuts and a few bruises from hitting himself in the face as the car rolled! 🙂

    What is worrying is that BOTH airbags failed to deploy, so the AA are checking them out for the problem.

    It could have been a LOT worse…

    Love and hugs!


  2. Just caught your second comment! 🙂

    Beware of gaming – it is addictive and affects your time sense to the point a whole day can fly by and you’d not notice! 🙂

    Love and hugs my friend!


  3. I found this poem to be powerful, beautiful, and sad. Beautiful writing, Red. I’m not sure I want to know the background. ~R

  4. Just read the poem hun and I’m crying.

    The loss of such a tiny life is too much for me – I guess I’m too soft for my own good…

    Love and hugs.


  5. You are the heart I think I don’t have sometimes. I am glad you remind me to breath, thank you. I love you sister.

  6. Beautiful.
    Thank you.

  7. authormjlogan

     /  February 18, 2012

    Dear God. Talk about heart wrenching.

    • It always will be.

      • authormjlogan

         /  February 18, 2012

        Of that I have no doubt. I can only say I’m sorry and even that seems of little worth.

      • authormjlogan

         /  February 19, 2012

        I have read it several times, and just read it again.

        My brother and his wife lost their son when he was 15. He was a football player and just turned to his friend and said, “I feel dizzy.” And then he was gone. Just like that. They were waiting to get a drink of water at the fountain just before practice. I can’t fully understand the pain, he was not my child, but we are a close family and I see my brother’s pain, and that of his wife. And there is a hole in my heart as well.

        I know there’s nothing I can say that hasn’t been said. I can only offer the simple ‘I’m sorry’ and know it is inadequate.

        Red…My thoughts are with you this evening ~MJ

  8. Your words just broke my heart. I ache for your loss.

  9. I first read about this
    posting on your hub pages…


    It is such a sad and incredibly heartbreaking piece of poetry that touches upon the very strands of humanity, your baby Virginia, such a lovely child and your poem that expresses the love and wanting of her fills my heart with sorrow, as for both you and she had the briefest of time together, and yet a bonding that will last a lifetime.

    Thank you for sharing
    your most personal poem…

    Androgoth XXx

    • Audience willingness be damned, I will post about her occasionally. She changed the way I look at a lot of things.

      • I think that posting this poem is a very good idea and why not add more as and whenever you wish it, I guess some readers of this just do not have the words to express their sadness, but I am sure that it touches upon their inner feelings, as it surely did with mine…

        Have a lovely rest of evening Red…

        Androgoth XXx

        • It is not the silence. It makes some uncomfortable. So much of what I write makes people uncomfortable. Then, again, it is why they come. I hope your morning is off to a good start, Andro.

      • I for one enjoy your postings Red as they offer such a bright and creative energy, and life is all about learning…

        At M3 you always add something worth reading…

        It is rather shocking but sometimes what I write makes peeps uncomfortable and I have been told that on quite a few occasions, even e mails to let me know that my scripts are too scary for WordPress but the thing is, I never add scary postings so I have no idea what the hell they are talking about…

        My morning is okay I guess,
        nothing remotely exciting, but okay 🙂

        I hope that your weekend is
        a very happy and exciting one 🙂

        Androgoth XXx

        • There are those who frighten at their own shadows. Pish tosh. As they say, if someone hates you, good. It means you stood up for something. 😉

  10. bear

     /  February 20, 2012

    I have been with Red 2 years and am amazed at her strength. I don’t know what it’s like to lose a child especially a newborn, but I can tell you that she is like no other woman that I know..and that loss leaves a mark on all of us who follow her.


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