And then there were none.

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When examining who qualifies as a friend and who should never have been offered the position in the first place, some very difficult truths come to light. Common issues arise when friends do not meet the standard of qualities all friends need to possess. Before applying the standard to Mate, look at Quaint. How you conduct friendships is indicative of the way you will conduct marriage.

Honesty

Honesty is the basis of truth. Truth is the foundation of trust. No friendship can survive without trust. Honesty must be reciprocal. Not only must both friends be honest to one another, but they must also being willing to accept the truth, no matter how harsh it may sound. Quaint truly does not want you to leave the house dressed like that or with spinach between your teeth.

Compassion

teardropWhen feelings have been hurt, a good friend should always have a dry, strong shoulder on which Quaint’s tears are more than welcomed. The compassion must also extend to include to tending your hurt feelings which Quaint is guilty of the hurting.

Loyalty

A friend is a confidante. You expect Quaint to keep your confidences. When you find Quaint has aired an item which was either solely between you or strictly yours, the damage can be deep. Quaint should never desert you in your hour of need, when your foot is firmly wedged in your mouth or when someone else is rumor-mongering.

Good friends will turn down tickets to the big game or concert to stay home with you, a bowl of popcorn, a box of tissues and the 400th showing of a tearjerker or horror classic when you are blue.

Understanding

When your last move was as well planned as a Chinese fire drill, Quaint understands you were so impassioned by the lure of a new partner as to render your judgment a complete illusion.

A good friend loves you regardless of the decisions you make, even if using tough love by asking you if you were thinking at all. If not advising you against it in advance, a true friend will comfort you and help you rectify when you make poor choices.

Empathy

Quaint will pat you on the back and tell you everything will be all right when you come home from the beauty parlor with a haircut best fitting Bozo the clown. Quaint will sit beside you on the side of the road to wait for a wrecker when you discover your shiny, brand new Chopper is a lemon. Without ever having been there, a good friend will hurt for you when you hurt.

Forgiveness

When you have done something truly crass and thoughtless, Quaint will forgive you for both your impertinence and thoughtlessness. Good friends do not judge you for the terrible choices you may have made in your past and appreciate without those bad decisions you would not be the person you are today.

This quality should not be an ongoing request of either friend. As the friendship grows, you learn each other’s boundaries better and should stop stepping on the other’s toes.

Listening Skills

pierced earA good friend will listen to a rant about how thoroughly perfect a dingbat your, as yet unannounced ex, Mate is and will not hold it against you. 99 times out of 100, Quaint will repeat exactly what you said; it will make perfect sense; and you both find out you knew exactly how to fix all along.

Quaint will also listen to laments, psalms, anecdotes and soliloquies. A good friend knows when to participate and when to just listen wordlessly. Sometimes, conversation is not necessary.

Integrity

Good friends will never defy or deny you for their own gain. This is Quaint come rain or shine, snow or sleet, blazing sun or dark of night. Good friends never have 30 pieces of silver.

Commitment

After two divorces, three dogs and six significant others, Quaint is the constant in your life. Relationships may come and go, but friendship is forever.

Camaraderie

When what you need is a laugh, a cry, a sigh, a hug or a thump in the forehead, there is Quaint. Good friends enjoy each other’s company, even if they cannot remember what they talk about for four hours over margaritas or have come to the end of a some assembly required project with only three extra screws.

?/10

Before you go scoring Quaint, how did you score on the ten characteristics every friend must have? How does that weigh against Quaint’s score? Hmm. Did you both fall short? Where do you go from here?

Make

10/10 & 10/10

When you come to Quaint with a heartfelt apology and a sincere plan to rectify identified shortcomings in your performance as a friend, with Quaint’s help, you can make a go of the friendship. If Quaint missed the mark as well, this is the time to discuss the absolute reciprocity of a healthy friendship.

Break

If one or the other of you scored less than 50%, more time for self-discovery is necessary. Before offering your friendship to Quaint, you should be prepared to give 100%.

Have you had a 10? Have you been a 10? Which characteristic is the hardest to find? Which one is the hardest for you to give?


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39 Comments

  1. Red I simply loved this advice Ted

    Reply
    • Thank you, Ted. I am seeing more people who are presenting with basic building block problems. Some days, the basics are in order. Glad to see you tonight,
      Red.

      Reply
  2. My wife is a perfect 10.In more ways than one.
    I haven;t had a hard time finding any one characteristic. But all 10 together? Yeah, that’s hard…

    Reply
    • I think it is why more people are not building the life long relationships as often. Being all ten is difficult enough. Finding someone else willing to go that far is even tougher. Good to see you tonight, EG. Red.

      Reply
  3. I have 30 pieces of gold, do you want them? They are always yours for the asking.

    Well done my sister! I can count on one hand my friends, I won’t use all my fingers to do it either. I think we all fall short at times, the trick is to acknowledge our shortcomings (we are after all human) and be willing to correct them.

    Reply
    • Willing is the part most often overlooked. Shy sociopaths, we all have the ability to be a friend. It takes willpower to be a good friend. Thank you, sis. Red.

      Reply
  4. Sorry hun, I’m damaged goods… 🙁

    I have nobody around me who hasn’t sold me out and yet despite the frequent kickings I’m still ticking… 🙂

    One thing i have learned is that friendship only lasts until the paycheck is offered – then all bets are off…

    Love and hugs! 🙂

    Prenin.

    Reply
    • Pren, I have not the first doubt you are capable of being a friend and possess these qualities in some measure. As to those who like to be paid…they are prostitutes. Yes, I said it. They are not friends. They are prostitutes. Fair weather friends are excellent actors who feign friendship whilst there is something valuable in the offering, but lose the talent when the wellspring runs dry.
      {HUGZ}
      Red.

      Reply
      • Hoo BOY ain’t that the truth!!! 🙁

        First they rip my life apart for money, then I fall off the planet and attempt suicide only for them to blame everything on my illness and tell me “it’s all in your mind.”

        Trouble is that I am now dependent on them for support and they are trying to get me back in the family fold to look after the next generation.

        If somebody sold YOU to whoever would pay them only to be PROVEN innocent (I’m now CRB checked and have proof of a pristine criminal record with clearance to work with the elderly, disabled, vulnerable adults and children) and be accused of every crime they could think of only to destroy you because you wouldn’t take their blood money or co-operate in your violation, so they poison you to force you to go to hospital so you could be examined by a doctor for the injuries you suffered when you were raped at the age of eleven – would YOU trust anyone ever again???

        My father and my abuser made me a survivor – the Police, Press and Media made me a victim and now I have nobody around me who didn’t sell me out including my ex-Police Officer step-father and my doormat of a mother who has never stood up for anything in her life.

        And yet it’s “All in my mind”.

        Yeah. Right…

        Love and hugs!

        Prenin.

        Reply
        • I think your answer to would I ever trust anyone again can be found in my posts on forgiveness and the ones which will come live over the course of this week.

          {HUGZ}
          Red.

          Reply
          • Thanks Red – let’s hope I can use it, anything would be better than the despair and depression I am saddled with so often…

            love and hugs!

            Prenin.

          • It is a step-by-step, but holding hands along the way makes for a smoother walk.
            {HUGZ}
            Red.

  5. Friendships are just as important as relationships with significant others. Friends can be put into a difficult place when they disagree with your actions but want to show you support as well. Trust is truly the basis for any relationship.

    Reply
  6. Bear

     /  February 6, 2012

    I like Linda can count my friends on one hand, less than 3 fingers. These guys would walk through fire for me, and I would do the same.

    We have been friends since our early teens and have been through a lot together, and I do have someone who is perfect 10 and I love them all.

    Reply
  7. Looks like you’ve hit the nail on the head yet again.

    Reply
  8. Sore subject for me at the moment. In the past two years….I have had 3 people, who I thought were friends go so of course, it could be a book. I think my friend radar is broken.

    Reply
  9. I try to be all these things. I don’t always let people get that close though. Been burnt? Yup. I am more than willing to make friends, but I am slower and more selective at it than I once was.

    Reply
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