I have been mugged.

Yep, mugged.

Some of you read all about it on Facebook. Others of you got the news on Google Plus. I have decided to wait to pass the information to Twitter or Linked In until I tell my faithful M3 Readers. I have been mugged.

It is just one of those things you do not expect on a blustery Saturday afternoon. There you are, minding your own business and WHAM! Mugged. Then, there’s report this. Paperwork that. What a nightmare. At least, I am pretty sure it will not leave any permanent marks. Scars happen to suck.

So, I shake it off and grab some dinner with the shortest people in the house. Toss them in the tub to drown them bathe them, and then have a 12-minute wrestling match to get them into pajamas. Everyone got two turns on the trampoline (It makes them sleep better.), and I issued the edict: Time for bed.

After the fourth threat of duct tape, a yard stick and the staple gun, they got into the bed. I made the switch from coffee to Merlot and sat down to see what the M3 Readers and my social media addicts had been doing.

You’ve Got Mail

As the Saturday Evening Post went live, I got the news. You know, that irritating red notification square on your Google screen. One was the number in the box. Hades’ fire! I had just been there not four minutes ago for cripes’ sake.

It was certainly not where I was expecting to get a return on my reporting and paperwork filling out adventure. But at least it was a notification telling me there was a composite sketch of the mugger. I need your help with this one. Have you seen this man?

Bearman...no relation.

Bearman…no relation.

This man is the maniacal caricature artist, savvy political satirist and the head loony for Bearman Cartoons. He is the one who does caricatures of the famous and infamous. And guess who he mugged? Yes, he mugged me.

He got Red.

He got Red.

I have been added to the Bearman collection with such other notable characters as Pamela Anderson, Barack Obama, Ron Jeremy, Ashton Kutcher, Sarah Palin, Donald Trump and Charlie Sheen. Somehow, I feel like a butterfly with a pin through my thorax. Makes me wonder what kind of wine to serve with me under glass.

All I can tell you is you best watch which neighborhoods you haunt and which circles you hang out in on Google Plus. There are Bearman in them thar woods…and he’s a professional mugger.

© Red Dwyer 2012
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  1. That’s the same guy who mugged me!

  2. Okay – hate mail and now a mugging! You have reached Valhalla, my dear Red! Grasp that money spigot and turn it into thy attic!

  3. From concerned to laughing.
    From what I’ve heard, a Bearman mugging is a high honor. Congratulations!

    And I think you should be served with perhaps a nice Night train, or perhaps a vintage Mad Dog 2020…

    • It is, and O.M.G. I have not even heard the words Night Train or Mad Dog 2020 in decades…plural. Do they even still make that rot gut?



    Having been mugged three times (OK once I had nothing, the second time I blacked his eye and the third time I chased him halfway across town and was too knackered to hit him when I caught him, though on a plus side he DID wet himself!) I had horrible images flashing before my mind’s eye – my Red had been mugged!!! 😮

    Now I find it’s a picture.

    Thank God for small mercies!!! 🙂

    Love and hugs!


  5. Great photo Red, you are mugged in a good way!

  6. Ted

     /  February 19, 2012

    Ah you also had me filled with concern and finished with laughter. Thanks, and they do still make Mad Dog 20 20 in multiple flavors.

    • I will not begin to tell you now scary it is you know that, Ted. ROFL!

      • Ted

         /  February 19, 2012

        It is in all the convenience stores next to the beer. Many a picture has been taken in my groups of friends with a staged bottle of Mad Dog in hand or strategically placed in the area. One of me when I sat down saw it sitting there and picked it up to see what it was. Evidently it is making a come back here in the Ozarks anyway. Now I just may buy a bottle and try it. I have never even tasted it.

        • ROFL!

          • A. I do not drink beer.
          • B. I do not shop in convenience stores.
          • C. Does “Ozarks” scream some socially repugnant connotation to you?


  7. Oh my goodness, I was about gather up my gang of torchbearers! You had me going there for a moment Red! Oh and by the way, my last name is Berman…does that make me eligible for a mugging too?

  8. Love your style (humor, writing and other)!!!! You always brighten my day and provide a much needed laugh.

    • Good to see you today, Rob! Glad you could join us. Grab a cuppa and make yourself at home 😉

  9. Hilarious! I needed that today 🙂


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