Keywords make finding what we want easy. Telling a clerk for what we search makes it simpler for us to get help finding it. What happens when we have no idea how to describe what we want?
Single people, even those who have sworn off marriage, will tell you they want a relationship. When pressed, they can provide no other desires, as though all relationships were identical and can fulfill their needs. It is a lot like ordering a human from the menu.
Specificity is the rule.” ~ Red Dwyer
“Relationship” is defined by our go-to source.
: the way in which two or more people, groups, countries, etc., talk to, behave toward, and deal with each other
: a romantic or sexual friendship between two people
Frankly, we all have the first and third definitions with nearly every person we have in our lives. “Nearly” because others connect with us only in the moment before they are gone for long periods, including forever. Their fleeting nature does not make our connections to them less poignant.
Romance is definitely not “one size fits all”. No one will ever be truthful saying sexual predilection is uniform in any two random people on the face of the planet. So why do we ask for something which comes in so many variations as to never have the same combination twice?
While we can look at ourselves and see how we are the same person now as we were other relationships, we need to be mindful of the changes we make, consciously and unconsciously, with every encounter we have. We adapt. We learn. We perfect. In those changes are the differences we bring to our next relationship.
We have to look at who we are right this minute. Who are we in a relationship? The storybook romantic. The stoic. The pragmatist. The forever child. The clown. The provider.
Chances are good we embody more than one definition because when we try to be solely one character we are neglecting large portions of our core identity. Stand in front of the proverbial mirror and really assess. If it helps, let’s stand in front of a true mirror and take positive notes. Begin with all of the strengths. Not most, all of the strengths.
Before we step away, make note of up to three weaknesses. Why limit the weaknesses? By identifying our strengths, we see the asset we are in a relationship. In that confidence, we are more willing and capable of pursuit of the relationship we are going to define next.
Place Your Ad
Whether we decide to put up a profile online or sit across the table from a FAB person, we need to be able to describe ourselves for someone else. While most everyone would like to know of all the pitfalls to avoid, before we can get that far, we want to know what will make trying worthwhile. We need to portray ourselves as attractive and valuable.
Tossing out a single weakness creates the caveat we are not perfect without seeming like we are shooting ourselves in the foot or assuming the way the relationship will turn. We face adversity everyday in one form or another. It could be our own or that of someone for whom we care or love. We do not realize how it will change us. Things we thought we would never survive become the scars we are proud to show in the future. It is unreasonable to determine the end of a relationship before it has a chance to begin.
Read the Menu
If our scripts are secure for the questions we can safely assume will be asked, we are halfway there. What is it we really want to know about someone else? We know what we want. We need to put it in an interview form.
Hold the phone! The person sitting across the table is human, foibles and all. Their answers may not be considered as “right” or “wrong”. What we may have thought was a “wrong” answer may be the situation which will help us grow and become a better person.
If the person you meet has circumstances which are outside your wheelhouse, are you really going to turn down the opportunity to learn and strengthen your character? It may not be your chosen cup of tea, but no one can say for certain it will not be just as satisfying.
When your favorite dish is not on the menu, how do you reconcile still being full? Knowing what the meal will do for you. If you know what you want in a relationship, you will discover your favorite dish may not be the best choice to fulfill your needs.
So, what is it you really want from a relationship?
What are the top three things you want from a relationship? How do they compare to the things you need from a relationship?
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