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    • I have more than 5,000 contacts. I have more than 5,000 contacts. Forgiveness cannot be on the personal list because forgiveness can only occur with two people who are willing. I only included the solitary activities. ;) September 30, 2012 16:34
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Saturday Evening Post

Ben Woodard, Gail Thornton liked this post

Red held out on you. Clyde has something up his sleeve. The breeze is a bit stiff tonight, so snuggle into a rocker with a cuppa. Let’s talk.

DL

Thursday was the day the M3 Readers found out I was officially on the disabled list. Last weekend, I managed a second degree burn on my left hand. The debriding continues, but is not painful. What started out as a nearly three inch burn will likely leave less than a two inch scar. I have a mite too much experience in dealing with burns, especially since the last one was a third degree which was all the way to the bone. My Sadist physical therapist did not notice it until I pointed it out to her.

As though there were not enough problems with my left hand, the burn was on immediate advisory for no typing. Not like that really happened… Well, I cut back to email only. (Whistles Dixie whilst sweeping the trash and sent folders out.)

Flash me!

Flash someone!

Last month at this time, there were almost 40 flashes in the pan. As of Friday, there were 70 entries to the first Flash in the Pan book. Do you have an entry? If not, you have until midnight (GMT -5) tomorrow to get your link to me. Click on Flash in the Pan under the header for the inspiration words and the limits.

Have you seen some of the flashes? Awesome, awesome, awesome. If you do not think it is possible to hit a home run on your first at bat, you have not read some of the newcomers to flash fiction.

Books

More books have been returned to authors after the latest round of beta reads. They are on the home stretch. Another one has made its way to the ready for press pile. The short version: Many people are working very hard to make this launch a success. Every last one of them deserves a round of applause. Yes, the zombies, too.

Have you entered to win a copy of Forty Grains of Black Powder yet? Taps foot impatiently. You can enter everyday. If you are already subscribed to email from The M3 Blog, press the Do it! button. It is worth five chances.

Feeling the Love

Have you been to see Cat Forsley’s new blog? With the theme Passion, Fervour & Forever is a happening place. No, that is not a CSS sheet. It is an everyday topic of conversation! She hosted yours truly for a Passion feature. What do you mean you do not know what that means? (It opens in a new tab. Talk to Clyde, then go see what’s what.)

Right Turn, Clyde!

Right turn, Clyde.

Impatient orang! Really? Oh, sure, fine. I did not want to talk about anything else. Seems Clyde thinks I was trying to steal his thunder in the second paragraph. Tonight’s subject from the flippin’ ape is scars.

Now, if we were to sit on the porch and compare scars, you may well get the impression I must be a complete klutz. Nothing could be further from the truth. Since I began walking, I have fallen fewer than an half dozen times; however, that grace does not extend to what has broken my skin over the years.

  • Fights (fist, knife, sword, pellet rifles)
  • MVA (plural)
  • Surgeries
  • E-coli
  • Bites (spider, human, snake)
  • Burns (all degrees, all methods)
  • Fire (as in caught on)

Over the years, I have learned a bit about scars. The first thing is that scar tissue is far stronger than whatever I damaged to cause it. Necessarily, where there was pain, there is gain. While it was a good lesson to learn, albeit the hard way, it likely is not the top of the lesson list.

One of the most important things to learn about scars is how to minimize them. No, this is not going to be a skin care class.

The Aleck in the group will likely raise a hand at this juncture to point out avoiding situations where damage is probably going to occur is the most expedient route to minimizing scars. I am going to be blunt. Put your hand down. You are a Sooner.

None of us wants to the the one with the giant scar sticking out of some piece of clothing which makes people titter and stare and point like a gaggle of social misfits. Still, we walk around with our scars on display like a scarlet A.

I am not talking about the railroad track where the staples were for your last surgery. I am talking about the scars left behind by those we love. You have one…at least one. Choose all which apply, but keep your answer to yourself for now.

  • Broken Mate relationship
  • Lost friendship
  • Betrayal
  • Discrimination
  • Denial
  • Death

Unless you are the inhabitant of a hamster ball, one of these events has occurred in your life. Its effects may have been immediately noticeable or may well have stayed hidden until the next time it occurred. Either way, you did not escape unscathed.

Despite how you may cover your scar (humor, nonchalance, withdrawal), it is noticeable. There is at least one person in your life who saw it, recognized it and… did what? Try to talk to you? Try to get you to talk about it? Tried to get you intervention? Waited patiently by the telephone or on the couch for you to get comfortable enough with yourself to let the pain flow from the wound, so the scarring could begin?

Yes, waiting for you to be ready to heal is one of the hardest things someone who loves you will ever choose to do.

Were you busy pulling down your sleeves to hide it? Were you telling everyone else? Or did you merely crumble and refuse to allow someone to help you rebuild? These are all examples of misery preferring no company. Rather than let the wound scab, get ugly, be debrided, get clean, be medicated and heal, you stuck it right out there in the stream of bacteria to be infected and consume the life you had built.

Why?

None of us are immune to the slings and arrows of friendship and relationships gone awry. Family has no compatibility test. Those people enter your life by sex and genetics. Often, they are far more trusted than those who overtly earn trust. Trust is an extremely sharp, two-edged sword. Whether used to defend or to offend, it holds the power to keep the wound open. Who holds it?

If someone who has stabbed you with it before wields it, what do you use as a shield? Although your mind is more powerful, you often choose your heart. For, were it not for your heart, you never would have handed them the weapon in the first place.

Since the shield is both weak and damaged, employ strategy.

Minimize:

  • Contact
  • Confrontation
  • Concealment

Walking away is the first step to regaining the power to heal and close the wound, so the scar can begin to lend its strength. Stop engaging the one who is hurting you.

Lashing back at those who harm you is a natural instinct. It is governed by hormones. You can resist this urge. Revenge is a dish best served cold. Put it in the refrigerator and let it become a science experiment. From mold comes penicillin.

Not engaging or confronting the one who hurt you is not synonymous with disengaging from life. The very best revenge is living a good life.

Minimizing internal scars is neither easy nor science. It is, however, not complicated. Regardless of how alone your pain may make you feel, there will always be one person who will help you. It may not be the person you want. It may not be the person you trust most. It may just happen to be the last person you would consider an ally.

Who is waiting for you? More importantly, for whom would you wait? Do they know?

Until next time,

Red Signature

~~~~~~~~~~


I hope you are having a restful weekend. See you in the comments and the pan. Answer any of the questions from Clyde.

If you tweet or +1 this post, please use the hashtags #friendship and #healing. Thank you for sharing The M3 Blog.

(c) Red Dwyer 2012
Re-Blogging of this or any other post on The M3 Blog
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in The Office. 



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46 Comments

  1. Pain drains you. I hope you have helping hands around you. Burns are terrible. I’ve had a few in my time, but I don’t think on the same scale.

    Interesting how you went from physical scars to emotional ones. Another awesome read. Hope you’re well on the way to ‘normal’ (whatever that might be).
    Tess Kann recently posted..Flash in the Pan – LighteningMy Profile

    Reply
    • Aye, working well toward normal. I should be back to irritate people by the hundreds by mid-week. <3 Glad you liked the transition. I have the penchant for saying what others are unwilling, and then getting past all of that to what we never give a thought <3 Great to see you today, Tess. xxx

      Reply
  2. YES – GETTING UP LATER !
    GOOD THING :)
    YOUR PASSION POST :) YAY
    XX
    THIS POST OF YOURS WAS VERY SOFT HEARTED AND I LOVE THAT ABOUT YOU
    THAT YOU CAN BE STRONG LIKE A TIGER AND THEN A KITTEN COMES IN :)
    MY FAVE LINE
    “Who is waiting for you? More importantly, for whom would you wait? ”
    WHAT A BEAUTIFUL QUESTION TO PONDER …..
    THANK YOU
    XX
    THAT’S GONNA BE IN MY HEART ALLL DAY XX
    CAT XOXOXOXO
    Cat Forsley recently posted..Refocusing Until . Cat Forsley ©My Profile

    Reply
  3. Red,
    I’m glad your hand is getting better –
    and this was a superbly done post. It ..spoke to me but you probably knew that. :-)
    Love Lizzie
    Lizzie Cracked recently posted..30 Days Condensed, Like SoupMy Profile

    Reply
  4. Hi Red,

    So sorry to hear about your burn, which sounds beyond painful, but I hope you feel better soon! Your bit about scars is really good and so true, unless “we are inhabitants of a hamster ball!” I have to check off lost friendship and death…losing a friend and not really knowing the deep reason is tough and hurtful. In this case, some things are just meant to be, but I am all for communication, either with friends, partners, siblings, children, etc. I have no problem with talking, sometimes, too much! :) Additionally, death has been too abundant in our lives the last decade…young people (40-60) dying of cancer or teens dying of suicide or heart failure; real freak things, which is what I fear the most. I don’t fear death; it is inevitable, but when taken so young, it’s harder to accept. Well, now that I talked your ear off, it’s time to close, but I wish you a lovely day! Hugs! Lauren

    p.s. Re: Flash in the Pan, do we just click on any word to write about it? You are so ahead of me in the tech world! :)
    LScott recently posted..BananasMy Profile

    Reply
    • Yes, ma’am. Click the word and go to town. I would be ecstatic to have you in this one!

      I know about going to soon. My husband was only 45 when he died of cancer. My daughter was only 16 days old. I have a tad of experience in this one.

      So very glad to see you today. Yes, the hand is healing nicely. Hope to be back to myself and out and about soon! I have a website to build!! <3 Much love, Lauren xxx

      Reply
      • Oh, Red, I’m so sorry to hear about your husband and daughter..I’m teary-eyed thinking about it. What I mentioned about my life has been hard, but doesn’t come close to the grief you have experienced…I’m sending hugs your way now…
        I’m glad your hand is getting better and I would love to try flash in the pan…I’m not really a fiction writer, but it sounds fun. This week has been too hot for computer time or anything, and I’ll be away this weekend, so I’ll try next week. Love and hugs! Lauren
        LScott recently posted..♥ One Year of Blogging Anniversary ♥My Profile

        Reply
  5. Red, I meant “heart” failure…typing too fast…
    LScott recently posted..BananasMy Profile

    Reply
  6. It is good to know that your burn is behaving itself and getting better every day, yes a scar will remain but a scar is not something that one should be so conscious of when people stare, and they do stare it is a human trait to be inquisitive, sometimes even unkind but luckily those are not so typical or at least not in my understanding.

    As for emotional scars everyone must deal with those in their own way, some will want to talk it through with a friend or relative whilst others just prefer to keep it to themselves knowing that they can come to terms with whatever is troubling them.

    This is a very good posting my great friend, keep looking after your burn and be good too, if you like of course? :)

    Androgoth xxx

    Reply
    • I have long ignored those who stare. Most are the ones who ask me how I “look like that” after having so many children. I intuitively ask, “What should I look like?” *wicked grins*

      I am planning a good night, including an early screen off. I believe the machine needs a break ;)

      Reply
      • Yes well there are not only those that stare, indeed there are those that are jealous and stare also ;) Well you can’t help looking so incredibly gorgeous now can you Red? :)

        Okay don’t worry that is just a compliment, and nothing more :) Actually I think that I will rest my computer a tad earlier and watch a dvd for a change, something with Vampires in the mix perhaps? :)

        Nothing new
        there then :) lol

        Have a fun rest of evening Red and enjoy your night off, I am sure that Bear will have some wicked plans for later :)

        Androgoth xxx

        Reply
  7. So sorry to hear about your burn, Red. I hope your recovery is as quick as possible. I think your Wombies need to recharge their good luck quotient as they’ve failed to protect you!
    Binky recently posted..When Less Is More, More Or LessMy Profile

    Reply
    • Perhaps, I should allow the Wombies to do a bit more around here ;) I am on the mend quickly. Not but about four or five more treatments and it should be to the place where I can leave it alone.

      Reply
  8. Late as always.
    Hope the recovery is going well, and you’ll have full use to look forward to.

    Sometimes that Hamster Ball doesn’t sound like a bad idea…
    El Guapo recently posted..Friday Foolishness – Gustatory EditionMy Profile

    Reply

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