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Saturday Evening Post

Venti LatteThis week has been long and really is not over yet. Grab a cuppa and snuggle into a rocker. The fire is roaring, and the lights are glowing. Let’s talk.

The M3 Blog

Some of you may have noticed a plethora of posts this week. I am doing everything in my power to return to some semblance of a real schedule around here. I am caught up on flash. Clyde has a backlog a mile long. We will be getting to it sooner than I would have otherwise planned.

Right Turn, Clyde!

Right turn, Clyde.

Right turn, Clyde.

Over the course of the last few weeks, Clyde has observed the dumbing down of the language in a large degree. Rather than explain in other words which would bring up the exposure rate for the listener, most people drop to monosyllabic terms, hand gestures and the silent treatment.

For instance, when a child does not understand a direction, instead of stating the same direction in different words, temper is lost and the task is completed by the adult charged with (raising, educating, edifying) the child.

Another example is the Mate who has been given the ultimatum in the denouement of a relationship. Rather than expressing feelings, the silence grows deafening before Mate’s final abdication.

How many times has the only recourse for showing your anger been a one-finger salute?

Is it really easier?

The excuse is routinely:

It is just easier to do it myself.

Ace of SpadesPsst. No. It is not.

How many times have you heard the adage? Better to teach a man to fish than give him a fish. With the latter he will not be hungry today; with the former, he will never be hungry again. Let’s call a spade a spade: This is the truth. Unvarnished, unadulterated truth.

No Words

Humans allegedly possess highly developed communication skills. They are able to enunciate their feelings to the best of their understanding. Yet still, they decide it is far simpler to ignore their feelings and merely stay mute.

If you walked into a grocery store and could not find the single ingredient you drove 15 miles to purchase, would you merely walk out of the store and pick up drive-thru on the way home?

If you were in a department store who sold the perfect outfit in the exact size you needed for your significant other but could not find the rack, would you leave without purchasing anything and settle for something you know will disappoint Mate?

If you were being abused by someone who claimed to love you, would you suffer in silence?

No Silence

Break the Silence

Enter Ape

The average adult possesses a vocabulary of 17-20,000 words. How is it the most common communication between adults is silence?

1. Judgment

Topping the list is the speaker does not want to be judged by the listener as ignorant, uninformed, uneducated. Closely following these are the judgments of the listener:

  • The question is a waste of time.
  • The question should have been asked of someone else.
  • The question is not relevant to the relationship.

Humans toil under the adage:

stupid question

In fact, this is anything but true. Many genuine questions are declared stupid by the listener for a number of reasons, including those listed above.

One part of the adage is painfully true:

If you base your actions on an answer you never sought, you are likely to blunder in a way far worse than asking what others think should have been obvious.

2. Fear

We routinely hold onto our (abuse, ignorance, needs) rather than share them with anyone else. We do not want to seem weak. It is not the judgment we fear but the vulnerability of exposing the evidence we are not wholly self-sufficient.

Regardless of how evolved we become, we are not designed to live solitary existences. We are social animals who need the talents and skills of others to complement our own. This is not a conviction of weakness.

For every help we need from another, we possess a strength. While the need-strength solution is rarely equally shared between two people, it exists nonetheless. In other words, the person who helps you may not need your help, but there is someone who does.

3. Rejection

Based on our need for societal bonds we are often unwilling to expose ourselves for fear of rejection. Be it in the corporate arena, the realm of the heart or in a familial setting, we hold to our vest the things which will make us contributory members of our own societies, the very ones we choose.

copernicusMany before us have proven society is unwilling to accept new ideas, conventions, concepts, ideologies, belief systems and facts. Societies often persecute those who offer news because it upsets the tenuous hold they have on reality. Changing the base ideals on which the society was founded can shake it to its core.

The first line of defense is to research to disprove. More often than is admitted, the proof comes after the persecution. Posthumous revelation and support of truths is of no comfort to the decedent.

It is enough to make an ape wonder.

Until the next time the ape takes the reins,Red Signature

Can you name one arena where you have chosen not to remain silent? What makes us fear the unknown? Is it possible to create a more tolerant society? Could it begin with you?

Hashtags: #tolerance #breakthesilence

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© Red Dwyer 2013
Re-Blogging of this or any other post on The M3 Blog
is expressly forbidden.
Copyright and Privacy Policy available in The Office.



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14 Comments

  1. I chose and still choose not to remain silent when a close friend of mine started dating an abuser. I had heard his abuse of a former girlfriend upstairs in the apartment above me. I had heard of his abuse of another girlfriend of his from a neighbor. And worse yet, his girlfriend before my friend showed my friend the bruises inflicted on her her back in the abuse I heard from upstairs but was unsure of what I was hearing. She claims he loves her. It is only a matter of time, and I remind her he is an abuser when she waxes romantically about him. 🙁
    Gail Thornton recently posted..On Being an ArtistMy Profile

    Reply
    • I will never be silent about abuse. My own or that inflicted on others is at least criminal. Good on you. xxx

      Reply
  2. We both know, sometimes fear is a driving force in decision-making. Fear might not be realistic, might not even be real, but it is nonetheless what causes us to make bad choices.

    There are times when fear combined with love make terrible bed partners.
    Valentine Logar recently posted..Half a LifetimeMy Profile

    Reply
  3. “The average adult possesses a vocabulary of 17-20,000 words. ”
    That may be true, however I think the average adult’s vocabulary is probably closer to 17 words than 20,000.

    Reply
    • Over the years, the number of words used has dropped significantly even though the total number of known words is increasing. Lazy.

      Reply
  4. I cannot stand for abuse of animal, child or adult. I have wondered who is speaking but it is me. This come without conscious effort.

    On the other hand, when I was the subject long time ago, I was mute because I was afraid of the unknown. What if I spoke up, what then etc.? Of course that’s water under the bridge now and now I am no longer afraid.
    Tess Kann recently posted..Only Two Weeks Until ChristmasMy Profile

    Reply
  5. I think that one of the worst scenarios is where Social Services continue making the same mistakes over and over again whilst busily reciting the old axiom of ‘It Will Never Happen Again’ and yet it continuously does so, which is not something that anyone wants.

    It has been in the news recently regarding this matter but what is the solution? Clearly it is to do something about it, stop the abuse and incarcerate those that are perpetrating these ghastly acts of violence time and time again.

    There is another adage here and if one cannot stand the heat then they should get out of the kitchen, if the protection of children is being squandered on those that do not act upon the signs that they witness then they should let someone else intervene, someone that will put a stop to child cruelty and finally crush those that break the law of humanity.

    It sickens me to see those innocent children being subjected to such brutal tendencies, it has to stop. For those that remain silent, do not follow their instincts, and in doing so allow sadistic criminals to escape the law, then it is time to stop receiving the pay cheques and get the hell out.

    Have a lovely start to your Tuesday Red and thank you for this wonderful posting.

    Andro xxxx

    Reply
    • Agreed. So many stand in the sidelines wringing their hands there is nothing more they can do, when in fact they have done nothing to begin. I truly believe we need to abandon the thousands of useless laws, draft around ten dozen and call it a society. We make the processes unduly complicated and hold to bizarre beliefs which are not proved on any level, especially the one that parents are more suited to their particular children. Genetically, we know this is false, yet SS is founded on the reunification principle (because it saves money housing and educating a child(ren)). xxx

      Reply
  6. Where extended family (relatives) are concerned, when others have stayed silent, Lois and I have spoken up.
    In the last couple of years we’ve have two serious situations occur (on both sides of the in-law divide) concerning sisters and we have spoken up.

    Although I can speculate as to why some may be afraid…I personally don’t have a fear of the unknown.
    Since I was 10, I have always said that I’m the boy in the HCA fairytale “The Emperors new clothes”, the one who will speak out even if everyone else refuses to. 😉
    Phil recently posted..That’s what I doMy Profile

    Reply
  7. I have decided to say what I want if I want. Oddly I feel no.great drive to say much lately. Its not easier to do.it yourself but sometimee its easier to think ..someone would care if they knew then to tell them to their face and realize …they don’t.
    Its not right but its padding from reality..and I choose to fool myself especislly during the holidys.
    I couldn’t keep silemt about like unlike and dislike:-) just blowing off steam
    ♥ LizZie
    Lizzie C recently posted..Dislike Unlike, Like Seriously? …a Mental MomentMy Profile

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