This week has been long and really is not over yet. Grab a cuppa and snuggle into a rocker. The fire is roaring, and the lights are glowing. Let’s talk.
The M3 Blog
Some of you may have noticed a plethora of posts this week. I am doing everything in my power to return to some semblance of a real schedule around here. I am caught up on flash. Clyde has a backlog a mile long. We will be getting to it sooner than I would have otherwise planned.
Right Turn, Clyde!
Over the course of the last few weeks, Clyde has observed the dumbing down of the language in a large degree. Rather than explain in other words which would bring up the exposure rate for the listener, most people drop to monosyllabic terms, hand gestures and the silent treatment.
For instance, when a child does not understand a direction, instead of stating the same direction in different words, temper is lost and the task is completed by the adult charged with (raising, educating, edifying) the child.
Another example is the Mate who has been given the ultimatum in the denouement of a relationship. Rather than expressing feelings, the silence grows deafening before Mate’s final abdication.
How many times has the only recourse for showing your anger been a one-finger salute?
Is it really easier?
The excuse is routinely:
It is just easier to do it myself.
Psst. No. It is not.
How many times have you heard the adage? Better to teach a man to fish than give him a fish. With the latter he will not be hungry today; with the former, he will never be hungry again. Let’s call a spade a spade: This is the truth. Unvarnished, unadulterated truth.
Humans allegedly possess highly developed communication skills. They are able to enunciate their feelings to the best of their understanding. Yet still, they decide it is far simpler to ignore their feelings and merely stay mute.
If you walked into a grocery store and could not find the single ingredient you drove 15 miles to purchase, would you merely walk out of the store and pick up drive-thru on the way home?
If you were in a department store who sold the perfect outfit in the exact size you needed for your significant other but could not find the rack, would you leave without purchasing anything and settle for something you know will disappoint Mate?
If you were being abused by someone who claimed to love you, would you suffer in silence?
The average adult possesses a vocabulary of 17-20,000 words. How is it the most common communication between adults is silence?
Topping the list is the speaker does not want to be judged by the listener as ignorant, uninformed, uneducated. Closely following these are the judgments of the listener:
- The question is a waste of time.
- The question should have been asked of someone else.
- The question is not relevant to the relationship.
Humans toil under the adage:
In fact, this is anything but true. Many genuine questions are declared stupid by the listener for a number of reasons, including those listed above.
One part of the adage is painfully true:
If you base your actions on an answer you never sought, you are likely to blunder in a way far worse than asking what others think should have been obvious.
We routinely hold onto our (abuse, ignorance, needs) rather than share them with anyone else. We do not want to seem weak. It is not the judgment we fear but the vulnerability of exposing the evidence we are not wholly self-sufficient.
Regardless of how evolved we become, we are not designed to live solitary existences. We are social animals who need the talents and skills of others to complement our own. This is not a conviction of weakness.
For every help we need from another, we possess a strength. While the need-strength solution is rarely equally shared between two people, it exists nonetheless. In other words, the person who helps you may not need your help, but there is someone who does.
Based on our need for societal bonds we are often unwilling to expose ourselves for fear of rejection. Be it in the corporate arena, the realm of the heart or in a familial setting, we hold to our vest the things which will make us contributory members of our own societies, the very ones we choose.
Many before us have proven society is unwilling to accept new ideas, conventions, concepts, ideologies, belief systems and facts. Societies often persecute those who offer news because it upsets the tenuous hold they have on reality. Changing the base ideals on which the society was founded can shake it to its core.
The first line of defense is to research to disprove. More often than is admitted, the proof comes after the persecution. Posthumous revelation and support of truths is of no comfort to the decedent.
It is enough to make an ape wonder.
Until the next time the ape takes the reins,
Can you name one arena where you have chosen not to remain silent? What makes us fear the unknown? Is it possible to create a more tolerant society? Could it begin with you?
Hashtags: #tolerance #breakthesilence
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© Red Dwyer 2013
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