One of the most popular posts on The M3 Blog is a post where I had no energy to write at all. (Number three on the Most Loved list in the right sidebar.) Today, I have a similar feeling.
The FAB world is often an enigma to me. Despite whatever I learn, I am often confounded by the events which transpire on a daily basis. In this instance, I am not talking about war or pestilence or any other large scale disaster. Instead, I have an abiding inability to grasp something I see on a personal level nearly everyday.
Mine!
Mine is a favorite word of toddlers once they begin to grasp the word means property and right to possession. In the diminutive humans, I find it perfectly plausible and easy to understand. Once teenagerdom arrives, I can still see the prerogative. By the time adulthood is attained, I cannot get there from here with a map, flashlight and seeing-eye-dog.
I’ll take that.
With children, mine is always about material things: toys, clothes, pets. Occasionally, mine refers to people, most often parents and grandparents, rarely siblings.
With teenagers, it is mostly about things. Their budding independence makes their mine refer away from people, instead covering territory (room) and identity-indicative hobbies.
Adults? Mine reverts back to the childish things while adding the trappings of “maturity”: house, collections, cars. In more rounded individuals, mine will mix hobbies with career. Once again, mine will begin to include people, both family and friends.
We use mine to draw our boundaries for personal space and to separate our identities from the people in our circles. Mine is a necessary concept to reveal ourselves to others.
What’s wrong?
Mine is destructive. It becomes a “landmine”. Instead of using our mine as a way to identify others who are similar, we use it to divide and denigrate.
Mate says, “You do not fit in with my friends.” Quaint says, “You do not enjoy my hobby.” Colleague says, “You do not need to worry about my contribution to the project.”
How are these destructive? They each undermine the teamwork necessary for successful relationships. Colleague is not a team player. Quaint does not want you on the team. Mate is playing on the team opposite you.
Just like the toddler who will not share the toy at day care, these adults are holding a part of their lives away from those who would contribute to their success and happiness if given the opportunity. Mine is screaming NO! to voluntary involvement.
Ours
It really is not difficult to share by simply taking the mines away from the boundaries. Letting people into our worlds, jobs and hearts does not make the territory less mine. It actually allows for others to contribute to it, improve it and make it a far less lonely place to be.
Why do we close out the ones who want most to be included? Can you dig up one mine?
Hashtags: #engagement #boundaries
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Candy
/ June 20, 2013Love this. I think I actually might use it in class today since we are talking about group dynamics. Thanks for making this a great lesson I can take into the classroom and have students read and discuss. I used one of Val’s posts once and it was a favorite class of the semester for my students. I feel like this is going to lead to some great discussions today, too (and YES – YOU get credit! I would never ever plagiarize and steal from my Fairly Blog Mother – they will be logging right on to this page 🙂
Candy recently posted..Did I Do the Work? Doubtful
Red
/ June 20, 2013I genuinely hope it does open some meaningful discussion. The follow up to this one and Clearly tomorrow should be enlightening as well. It was a quiet theme I chose not to herald, instead choosing to merely spring it. Glad you think it warrants more discussion! xxx
My Inner Chick
/ June 20, 2013Excellent.
If we transformed the “MINE” into “OURS,” the universe could be so much sweeter.
Love to you, sweet Red. Xxxxxx
My Inner Chick recently posted..Murder, Therapy, & Walking Thru The Fire
Red
/ June 20, 2013I wholeheartedly agree. There is a lot of things I would love to be far more ours than mine. Much love, Kimmy. Glad to see you today. xxx
Gail Thornton
/ June 20, 2013I remember being a child, and the world of mine. I had it and my siblings had it. But my parents did not. They were eager to share their talents and possessions and activities with each other and even us if we respected the boundaries. I have worked in many more group volunteer positions than I have in individually paid positions because I was able to, and because the benefits far outweighed the work involved when doing it together.
Gail Thornton recently posted..Interview with Poet Laurie Childree
Red
/ June 22, 2013For me, the camaraderie of doing things in concert makes the effort far more worthwhile. There is always an additional layer of benefit for those performing the service than merely that gleaned by the beneficiary. xxx
Penny Granger
/ June 21, 2013Insightful Blog, Red, and so, so true. In later life, ‘mine’ should become an obsolete word, no longer needed, surplus to requirements kind of thing. OR add a couple of words. as in ‘yours and mine’ changes the whole perspective methinks. 🙂 xx
Red
/ June 22, 2013I would love to see far less “mine” in the world. Please stop by the Green Room and leave a link to your blog. I do not recall seeing a spot where others could reach you. xxx
Prenin
/ June 21, 2013Having been involved with a bunch of old ladies who were power mad I too know the meaning of ‘mine’ that reaches beyond the limits of the cradle!!!
Every time I did my job they’d SCREAM at me: IT SHOULD HAVE GONE BEFORE THE COMMITTEE!!!
And they wonder why I refused to go on after three years of it…
Love and hugs!
Prenin.
Prenin recently posted..Thursday – Waiting hopefully.
Red
/ June 22, 2013Power is one of the most ironic of “mines”. In fact, no one inherently as power. Power is granted by the subjects.
C. Brown
/ June 21, 2013“Ours” for “mine” was a brilliant suggestion. But…I am surely as guilty of “mine”. Though the older I get the more I try to be less ‘me’ and more ‘us’ in many areas. Still growing up and working on that.
C. Brown recently posted..When Love Can’t Help
Red
/ June 22, 2013I think all of us still have “mines”. I am certain I do. I find more of my “mines” are those things I have seen mishandled in the past. Growth is always in order. xxx
Tess Kann
/ June 21, 2013Perfect. True how mine changes to ours as we get older. I can go on and on about both.
When I was still working, I laughed how co-workers held parts of their jobs close to their chests: Mine. Afraid of sharing with the team?Why? Silly, but true. To make themselves indispensable? Ha.
Tess Kann recently posted..Flash in the Pan – Tablecloth
Red
/ June 22, 2013I have never once understood employees who believed they were indispensable, as though business would grind to a halt without them or had previously not existed before them. All I can do is roll my eyes and point at turnover statistics. xxx
El Guapo
/ June 21, 2013I don’t generally use the same definition of “mine” as you’re using, so I don’t quite have that problem.
El Guapo recently posted..Friday Foolishness – Take Two Of These Edition
Red
/ June 22, 2013Which one do you use?
El Guapo
/ June 22, 2013More a notation or identifier, less a proclamation.
El Guapo recently posted..Friday Foolishness – Take Two Of These Edition
Red
/ June 22, 2013Got it. In the healthy way.
BuddhaKat
/ June 21, 2013Excellent, A+ and kudos too, Red! You are OURS. Not in that you belong to us, rather that you share with us so many gemlets of wisdom…
hugs…
😉
BuddhaKat recently posted..Faithfully Fractal
Red
/ June 22, 2013What a wonderful thing to say, Janet. {HUGZ} xxx
Binky
/ June 21, 2013I think it often stems from our current state of consumerism and greed in which we must possess things in order to prove our worth and dominance.
Binky recently posted..Final Report Card
Red
/ June 22, 2013I think that is a large contributor. Underneath it is an abiding lack of self-worth.