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No good deed goes unpunished. Have you ever done everything in your power to help someone whose head was rectally inserted so far they could smell their own appetite? Indeed, there have been many in my life. As luck would have it, there has been one recently who has tested the extent of my goodwill to its breaking point. Let’s talk about social media privacy, cyber bullying and cyber gossip.
I have long held the opinion social media is dumbing down the population. Let’s look at just a few examples, shall we?
For all of you who do not understand how Facebook, Twitter and Google+, the Big Three of social media, work, I am going to give a basic primer to explain.
Not on MY Wall.
When I post something to my wall/stream, a copy of it enters the stream which may or may not show up on your home page/stream based on an algorithm designed by the platform (Facebook, Twitter, etc.). In no way, shape or form have I posted something to your personal wall/profile. The only way you are seeing it is to be on my friends/followers/circles lists and the platform deciding it is relevant or of interest to you.
I admit it. My playground.
Often, since my Facebook page is my playground where no holds are barred, I post things which I would never dream of posting to a fully public forum…like M3 or the comments on anyone else’s blog. Why?
- It is my personal signature space where my humor can be as dark, sarcastic or outright mean as I like.
- I have my privacy settings* to air only to my friends, and not to their friends.
- Those who know me have, over time, learned this about me.
- Those who choose not to view such things are welcome to unsubscribe or unfriend as they see fit.
On the other hand, those, who have only been on Facebook and Twitter for three or four years (and to a lesser extent Google+, based on its open date) and have never once bothered to learn how the platform works*, are certain that every single innuendo-filled post I own is being broadcast to all of their friends, followers and anyone who would find them in a public search.
They make we want to set fire to the internet. It is not on your wall/stream/profile.
My suggestion:
Far nicer than what is on my wall.
Everyone can see it!
Red has not received your last poke yet…and no one knows but you!
When you get a direct message (Twitter), a chat or inbox message (Facebook) or a locked post (Google+), there are only a limited number of people who can see it, namely: you and the person who sent it to you (and anyone else to whom they sent it).* These messages are as private as your very own, personal email address. In fact, most of them are hosted on separate domains from the general wall/page/stream. Private really does mean private.* No, not everyone can see it.
Hiding in Plain Sight
If you are hiding from a stalker, ex-_________, boss or anyone else for that matter, social media is not somewhere you should be airing things like:
- The alcohol or drug consumption of last (night, weekend, 14 years)
- The illicit liaison between you and your (co-worker, boss, ex)
- The social faux pas you made (again)
- The fact you skipped work today to go to a (movie, game, date)
- The misdemeanor (or felony) you committed
- Your sexual escapades
- Your passing an assignment to someone else despite your getting credit for it
- The fact you ignored advice you sought on said social media, which resulted in a preventable gaffe on your part
Yes, everyone can see this you allow* to see or share it.
My suggestion: A therapist, minister, best friend, telephone sex operator or someone who can listen to you, so you do not have to write these things in public.
Messages are forever, sometimes.
Despite brouhaha over companies like Klout mining social media, there are ways to delete your sordid affairs from social media. Most of them require time. You may delete things directly from your profile. In most cases, they will be privately held by the platform for a prescribed period of time before it is deleted permanently.* The deleted material from public posts is most often held to aid in investigations into cyber crime and is held up to five years.
Other messages are fairly straightforward in their deletion. Personal messages are the simplest. Once you delete them, they are gone forever.*
Public posts, well, are truthfully advertised.* They are public, minable, usable by all who do mine and will one day become cyber space dust only if they have not been mined. And even if they are mined, unless someone is looking for dirt on you, they will sit in a digital storehouse unnoticed by all.
If this had been an actual emergency,
…chances are good you would no longer be breathing.
I have seen an increasing number of posts which have been airing things shared entirely in private. I have heard about extramarital affairs, domestic abuse, professional disagreements, malfeasance and all manner of other things which were in no way my business nor were they fit for public consumption. The saddest part of it all, someone was misrepresented in all of them. Some of the information was completely false.
Internet gossip and cyber bullying are the bane of social media. They undermine all of the things which are good about social media and platforms meant to make the planet a much smaller place. Just like the neighbor hanging over the garden fence, internet gossipers are bullies.
They sensationalize the real life events of others to make themselves seem like a reliable hub of information. Alternatively, but not any better, they use things they have been told to garner sympathy or support when no harm has been done them. Lastly, they are attempting to cause someone else physical, emotion, reputation or monetary harm. Sometimes, these things go hand-in-hand.
More and more cases of suicides and attempted suicides are rolling out everyday from the harm caused by people airing in public the things which were shared in private. This violation of trust and privacy* is now a problem once relegated to the small social circles of towns and schools. The Internet has opened that social circle to include people who never meet in person.
*Knowledge is power.
Did you notice all of the asterisks along this post? They all lead right here:
If you had read the terms of service and privacy policy, you would have known all of this.
Before you may use any social media platform, including blogging platforms, you must click on a check box which states you have read and understand the terms of service. When you violate someone’s privacy, do not be surprised when they come knocking to your Internet door wanting your service disconnected for your blatant breach of the terms of service.
Every platform takes privacy very seriously. Advertisers pull money from sites who allow people to violate privacy policies.
So, the next time you take a private message sent to you on social media to a public forum, realize you are a cyber bully, a privacy violator and putting yourself in jeopardy of losing your social media account.
Do you know anyone who has been a victim of cyber bullying? Do you know a cyber gossip? Have you been the target of a cyber bully? What do you think the punishment for cyber bullying on social media should be?
Phil
/ March 25, 2012Once again, an excellent primer. In the 80’s and 90’s there were several books (often about computer software programs, written in plain, easy to comprehend, useful and helpful prose called, “—– For Dummies.” As sarcastic as the title was, the books were all best sellers because they conveyed information that was valuable.
I don’t mean to imply that your readers are dummies by any measure, in fact many are the wiser for coming here to read, but this particular article ought to be THE primer course in anyone looking to register a new account any social media platform. I can envision a check box that states, “I’ve read Red’s ‘Social Media Privacy Primer’ and agree to let her kick my ass if I ignore her warnings and advice after I set up my account.” Perhaps a pop-up, a avatar of you with a stern glare, hands on hips, saying, “Are you sure you want to post that comment there?” right next to the submit button. 🙂
Thanks as always Red. Good stuff indeed.
Phil recently posted..Time For A Break
Phil
/ March 25, 2012And, if only we could edit our comments! Privacy, not Primacy! More coffee is what I need…
Phil recently posted..Time For A Break
Red
/ March 25, 2012No typos here…I am looking for a good (read working) plug in to let you edit comments.
Red
/ March 25, 2012ROFL! I love it. I would need to get a good pic. One like Barb has. Glad you took something away from this one. I will be over for a Break at your place. I am in need of one after the morning I have had!
Phil
/ March 25, 2012Over to my place for a break? Yikes! The natives are on lockdown for misbehaving badly. I had to switch to full moderation and delete some comments that were simply vile. I don’t have time for that kind of crap. Sheesh!
I’ll be happy to get you an elixir of your choice however to soothe whatever is ailing you. What’s your pleasure?
Phil recently posted..Time For A Break
Red
/ March 25, 2012I would like a swimming pool full of tequila, please, my fine sir. Are they still hot and heavy over your poem? Sheesh. Some people just need to grip up. I refrained from comment because I wrote a book on the subject and felt largely overqualified to call the most vocal of the group into line, as I felt, based on her theretofore railing, she would likely not be receptive to either the truth or moderation of any variety.
In that case, grab a cuppa and hang out here. No one bites here…except for Bear, but he is in the garage. 😉
Raymond Alexander Kukkee
/ March 25, 2012Great stuff, Red! TOS are a catch-all trap. Anything EVER committed to the net is really there forever and can be picked out and used. Your privacy primer is a common-sense must-read…. R.
Raymond Alexander Kukkee recently posted..Political Sanctions: Punishment for Voting Democratically
Red
/ March 25, 2012Let’s hope it gets wide acceptance and spreadability!
authormjlogan
/ March 25, 2012This is excellent Red. Although I call myself “Facebook Challenged” and social media is sort of a new thing for me, one thing I congratulate myself on is that I read the TOS for each and every service/site thoroughly, and when changes are made, I compare the old with the new.
On a side note, my dad asked if he should join facebook. I told him, emphatically, no.
MJ
Red
/ March 25, 2012~STANDING OVATION~ Your reading skills and choice of subject put you firmly in the social media minority. While all of the information is readily available, it seems no one is beating a path to read it. Some days, the information must be delivered pre-chewed. And I think you were right for your dad.
Red.
Derek Mansker
/ March 25, 2012Facebook is annoying. I wouldn’t use it, except I am a youth pastor and it is a great way to communicate with teens. (unfortunately)
Derek Mansker recently posted..Of the world, in the world? – 1 John 2:15
Red
/ March 25, 2012I still have teenagers of my own, and young adult children. It is their forum of choice.
Tom
/ March 25, 2012Hi Red. Very interesting read, full of details which should really be common sense!
I felt that Facebook was ‘dragging me down’ for some bizarre reason. I didn’t use it very often, occasionally for personal chats but nothing else. What I didn’t like were the comments others had left about or for others, which were clearly visible for everyone to see, and not very nice. Not everyone left such messages, but several people did. In the end, I decided to ‘switch off’ my account. I haven’t looked back, and I haven’t missed it – some people I have, but not the whole package.
I have a Twitter account where I follow people who post motivational messages, but again, I don’t use it to its full advantage.
Tom recently posted..In a dimension adjacent to this one
Red
/ March 25, 2012I tend to drop haters pretty quickly. I have enough ignorant negativity in my inbox. Actually, it is pretty tough to send me a friend request in the first place because of the privacy settings I have. You actually have to know me. I have a lot of readers there. Many who discuss my posts strictly on FB. If I were to count the comments I generate there, I would be well over my goal of 15,000 for this year.
I am beginning with Twitter again for the blog (the box in the right sidebar). I am being much different in the cultivating of followers there in search of authors. More and more of the followers are becoming blog readers!
Derek Mansker
/ March 25, 2012I have not been the target of it, but I have intervened in it before. It is messy. I think social media should be called anti-social media. It becomes very easy to say something you would never say to someone’s face. I think that’s a shame. If someone wants to smear an image, they can do it easily. That is not a very lofty goal, though, if you ask me.
Derek Mansker recently posted..Of the world, in the world? – 1 John 2:15
Red
/ March 25, 2012I have had to intervene a lot lately. The ones who do are never forthcoming with the portion which shows them in the equally bad light, or they take segments out of context and spin them into something they were never meant to be in the first place. I think you are right about the anti-social behavior. Inevitably, it turns out the one who has posted the material is feeling blighted by social media in some respect and feels it will validate them as an online entity. Sad really.
John McDevitt
/ March 25, 2012Imagine people posting signs all over their own front lawn announcing all kinds of silly things? Imagine people posting signs on their friends lawns? Seems absurd until you realize that social media is the same thing. I don’t get the attraction of social media at all.
Facebook? I forget why I joined — probably because of that H place. I only use facebook to announce (automatically) when I post something new on my blog. Facebook messaging is a pain. I prefer real email.
I turned my dumb cell phone on today for the first time in weeks. I don’t get 24/7 connection either.
John
Red
/ March 25, 2012The people who have outside interests and hobbies and IRL friends and family never do understand the allure. My biggest worry with it all is the massive attachment pre-teens get to it and the inane employers who believe it is an HR gold mine of employability statistics. Shameful.
Androgoth
/ March 25, 2012It is outrageous but on Internet networking it has become too easy for some bullies to engage in their own brand of persecution and in doing so the tormentor effortlessly adds their vileness leaving susceptible users of social networks vulnerable to personal attacks. The old adage of ‘If you play with fire, expect to get burnt’ is quite apt here I think and there needs to be better policing to eradicate this happening.
I am moving slightly away from your blog theme here Red but recently there has been some unpleasant exchanges on one of our friends Spaces which in turn has created an unexpected turnaround on moderating blog comments, now depending on the subject matter and of course whether a Space is set to Private or not will have a substantial bearing on how some themes will be discussed and so in my own humble opinion one must choose wisely if it is to be aired in open dialogue.
Now I am not judging either way but there has to be guidelines to follow and these need to be pointed out at the outset of any given debate so that anyone abusing the rules will be either taken out of the loop or moderated as the author sees fit, you see there is always going to be conflicts on certain types of topics and so bearing this in mind and to eliminate the chances of overheated comments, harassment, discrimination, bad taste and the like one has to take the lead and make absolutely certain that the debate is commented upon in the correct manner, otherwise anarchy and chaos breaks out leaving the initial posting an unwelcoming disaster area where anything and everything happens, which in turn destroys the whole concept of debating.
Now as much as I detest bullies or commenter’s with over inflated egos I will not allow someone to trash a Space with their ridiculousness, bad mannered approaches to commenting or blatant war mongering, and if anyone dares to add a slight against me then they should know that I will most definitely retort as I totally abhor bad mannered imbeciles with empty headed comments especially when they have naught in relation to the given theme.
Have a wonderful rest of evening Red 🙂
Androgoth XXx
Red
/ March 25, 2012That particular discourse was one which stepped this post up from its scheduled time. What happened there was utterly abominable. The hijacking of anyone’s website, blog space, comment thread, social media stream or inbox is equally reprehensible. I do not know if the spring time air is giving everyone a case of the crazies or if it is just a wave phenomenon, but it seems the behavior in the last two weeks has just become more prominent.
I have seen another blog taken down this week, and I am very upset to have missed the last post which explained the issue. It is the fourth blog to go dark in the last month, which I find largely worrying. While some have been because of belligerent behavior on the blogs themselves, one was a direct result of cyber bullying on social media.
I am not sure what gives people the idea they have a right to intentionally hurt others.
Red.
Androgoth
/ March 25, 2012Yes I agree and I have also seen Spaces close down for this reason, it is truly unbelievable how some people treat others, and in our friend’s Space the trouble was being fuelled and enjoyed by some rather sarcastic and well aimed attacks, fortunately that person was shot down a few times but those people just love annoying other users of a Space and if that is not corrected straight away then the only course to follow is moderation, which is a shame I think…
Are you enjoying your evening Red? 🙂
Androgoth XXx
Red
/ March 25, 2012I think he did the right thing for his space. I have only had to moderate one since I started, not accounting for spam bots of course, but when the person is a blogger whose space you frequent, moderating only that one person can cause hurt feelings. With that being the reason for the moderation to begin, it is quite a load of two wrongs…
I just had a lovely conversation with a friend, so I believe the evening has begun to take a turn for the better…Now, if only the words would magically appear on the screen for the next post!
Have a frightfully wonderful night, as your morning is not far off from approaching 😉
Red.
Androgoth
/ March 27, 2012I would have engaged the friend sooner and told them to stop harassing other users or be deleted, I have no time for that kind of rubbish on my Space but that is just my own opinion, everyone must handle their own Spaces how they see fit, however the problem that arises from letting a person engage in such negative activities gives them a free hand to say whatever they wish and that is why the moderation came about, action is swift where as inaction just fuels the fire…
Hey are you being good today? 🙂
Androgoth XXx
Red
/ March 27, 2012Good is solely in the eye of the beholder, dear Andro. Like you, I am far more aggressive at protecting my space. It is just the Momma in me. 😉 Not everyone can be the hall monitor type. And that happens to be why we like that space…the owner is not a hall monitor!
I hope you are having a wonderful night,
Red.
Androgoth
/ March 27, 2012Yes I agree 🙂
Perhaps I should introduce
our friend to my Cattle-Prod? 😉
Androgoth XXx
Red
/ March 27, 2012What a wicked suggestion 😉
Red.
lorrelee1970
/ March 30, 2012Okay guys. Enough is enough. Stop talking trash about me.
Seriously….Great posting. Duh?!!? You wrote it. I was a brief victim of a person on FB once, but that ended quite quickly. Their craziness went on to target another sadly enough.
I don’t know the solution. I think the cruelty and unkindness that occurs in social media is beyond shameful.
lorrelee1970 recently posted..Don’t Read This Blog
Red
/ March 30, 2012I have to wonder if it is a form of regression: Adults attempting to be as heartless as the children they have raised to be bullies in school, on the playground, on the field and eventually in careers.
Prenin
/ March 25, 2012I only ended up on faeces book because friends begged me to join and I rarely log on these days even though I get invasive emails about notifications I have no interest in…
Still poorly, but feeling better! 🙂
Love and hugs!
Prenin.
Prenin recently posted..Saturday – more fever dreams
Red
/ March 25, 2012Glad you are heading back toward the land of the living, Pren. You can turn off the annoyances on FB. I know I have mine set to “do not disturb”.
{HUGZ}
Red.
Binky
/ March 25, 2012I thought privacy policies were private and not meant to be read.
Binky recently posted..Power Lemonade Stand
Red
/ March 25, 2012I would like to find the one who started that Internet legend and soundly spank them.
Androgoth
/ March 25, 2012Hey Red, they might enjoy that too much so perhaps it is best to think of another punishment 🙂 lol
Androgoth XXx
Red
/ March 25, 2012Now that I think of it, you may be entirely correct about that, Andro. Hmm. Problem is, the punishments only get
worsebetterworse after that 😉spilledinkguy
/ March 26, 2012Fortunately I don’t know anyone who has been the victim of cyber-bulling…
I can imagine it would be perfectly awful, though…
just thinking about it makes me cringe…
spilledinkguy recently posted..The New Fives
Red
/ March 26, 2012It is not fun. I have been on quite a few occasions, but I tend to hold my own. I have had sites pulled down for it though. It takes a special breed of coward to hide behind a screen to take pot shots. Currently, I am helping three others who have recently been victims. Certainly, it is not something I would wish on anyone.