Branch out and blossom.
This week’s Talk Tuesday led us to today’s topic: Change. Did you change because of a goal you set or did it happen as a result of self-realization? Did you discover you could not tolerate a portion of your identity or did a new branch sprout and begin to blossom?
Not So Easy
Breaking Concrete
There are some of us who would rather crawl into a hole and stay there than change. Change is (difficult, painful, inconvenient). The mere thought of changing brings heart palpitations and hives. It always means work.
Difficult
Why? To change we have to face the way we were doing things was not the (best, most effective, easiest) way of handling the day-to-day and once-in-a-lifetime stressors. Or we must admit our perception was askew. Or we must change our ideology, the core belief system within which we operate.
1. It is not easy to admit you are wrong, even if the only person who hears or knows about the admission is in your mirror.
2. Pioneering is not the romantic story portrayed in the movies. It is about lean times, hostile terrain and the things which go bump in the night.
3. Settling in somewhere new is a pain in the tush. Who wants to live in the Cardboard Kingdom?
Painful
Royal Pain in the Neck
Revolution is necessarily bloody. Changing yourself is revolution. You are revolting against what was and embracing something different. Occasionally, it is more like shedding a skin. When we begin to look at things from a different perspective, it can be relatively painless.
More often than not, when we change our ideologies, it is a painful process. We face the possibility we are not who we believed we were. To some degree, it is true. Rather than have a complete identity crisis, think of it more as growing up.
There will be some discomfort until you learn how the joints all work now and the way the muscles control actions and emotions, but fundamentally, you are still the same person.
Inconvenient
Changing our day-to-day habits and routines is inconvenient. Whether we like to admit it or not, much of what we do everyday helps us define who we are. Our residences define our citizenry. Our job descriptions define our occupation. Our liaisons define our social standing.
Some truly trivial things help define us. Despise housework? Check one:
- Slob (does not do it)
- Grouch (does it anyway)
- Con-artist (makes someone else do it)
- Refined (hires someone else to do it)
When we change our perspectives and opinions, we are inconvenienced until the transformation is complete.
I meant to do that.
Have you ever intentionally set out to change your character and identity? No, I am not talking about witness protection. Any of these ring a bell?
- Education
- Occupation change
- Exercise
- Religious conversion
- Diet
We change our mindset to meet goals by focusing our energy to become something different. This can be as easy or as challenging as the goal we undertake. For the carnivore, becoming a vegan can be a trying challenge. For the dedicated bookworm, a Ph.D. can be a walk in the park.
All New
Developing new character is a different kind of change. We handle it much differently than we do changing existing identity traits.
0.0062 nanoseconds
Many characteristics are built over time. The gradual nature of the growth eases the growing pains. Becoming a parent is a good example of gradual growth, yet it has a roller coaster effect.
At the moment we discover we are going to be Parent, there is excitement, anxiety, fear and exhilaration squeezed into approximately 0.0062 nanoseconds. Over the course of pregnancy, the idea grow on and with us.
Some days the growing pains of negative emotions are tough. Other days, the positive emotions are just the liniment we need to ease aching feelings. At the moment of birth, we experience the same 0.0062 nanoseconds, but it is a familiar event this time.
Parental instinct grows as our children do, with occasional growing pains associated most often with the toddler and teen years. By design, the years in between give us the much needed time to rest and adjust.
Staying Grounded
Keeping both feet on the ground is the only way to weather change. Do you have someone to talk to when the world seems off kilter? Do you have a place to go where everything feels right? Is there a song which soothes the changeling beast? What grounds you?
Flexible and Grounded
Internally, we each have identity markers which do not change. Sex is one such marker. We can look in the mirror and announce it, or at least be reminded of it. Breath and heartbeat are, too. Survival is discounted more often than it should. Listen to them to remember you are still fundamentally the same person.
The Tree of Life
Whether we are turning over a new leaf or branching out, we change our identities all the time. Little changes or massive ones, our identities shift with each life event we experience from birthdays to career moves to funerals.
Like a tree bending in the wind, our roots stay planted firmly in the ground.
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What unintended change turned out to be the most beneficial for you? What is the biggest change you decided to make? What keeps you grounded?
prenin
/ February 9, 2012I am what you might call a work in progress.
Slowly but surely I’m losing weight, taking control of my personal space and getting rid of what held me back for decades.
The journey is painful and full of anxiety and fear, but I’ve put my shoulder to the wheel and started pushing…
Love and hugs!
Prenin.
Red
/ February 9, 2012How wonderful, Pren! Remember to celebrate those successes along the way. They help diffuse the anxiety.
{HUGZ}
Red.
Marc Phillippe Babineau
/ February 9, 2012Talk about change! I went from the atypical overactive fisherman/camper/hiker to being unable to walk more than 50 yards without severe pain and mobility issues. Who ever said surgeons were all good?
Great post, and hits home!
Red
/ February 9, 2012Glad to get you thinking!
Red.
Bear
/ February 9, 2012Congratulations to you on change Prenin. It’s very hard to do and accept what gets thrown at you in life but keeping an open mind really helps.
Red writes so well and really opens one’s eyes. I roll with the punches as they say. And in my life everyday is change. Sometimes good. Sometimes not so good, but I deal with it and move on. Keep going Pren and Marc. If there is a way I can help let me/us know. Bear
prenin
/ February 10, 2012Thanks Bear! 🙂
I’ve had a lifetime of crap, but I’m digging my way out!!! 🙂
God Bless!
Prenin.
Aurora, HSP
/ February 9, 2012The unintended, rather unforeseen element that blew my world wide open was a cruel blow of manipulative deceit from a very close friend of nearly two decades. This, on top of many life changes/losses in the past couple of years triggered all manner of unforeseen change… some for the better… some… well I don’t know yet… still working on it… wrote about it on my pages “Listening Now” and BLACKBIRD SWAN SONGS. I am so grateful for your always inspirational and heartening pages, Red 🙂
Red
/ February 9, 2012So very kind of you to say, J. I will make some time to go read what you have written about it. Your strength is very easy to see in what you write. Working on it is a good thing because it means progress. Trial is where our character is built, especially when the road is neither straight nor smooth.
Very glad to see you tonight,
Red.
El Guapo
/ February 9, 2012There is one other kind of change realization you didn’t discuss – unconscious , like approaching something with an attitude you didn’t realize you’d develop.
For me, the most beneficial change was consciously deciding to manage my illness properly.
Red
/ February 9, 2012I will discuss the subliminal changes when I enter the last phase of the series. It is one of the pieces in the confidence section. Coping with illness is something many of us struggle from day to day to handle. Choosing to handle it rather than letting it control you is a definite, positive change. Healthy in so many ways, EG. Red.
Androgoth
/ February 9, 2012A very good posting this one my great friend and I agree, nobody likes the idea of change but alas changes are sometimes necessary in order to follow a greater and more optimistic path…
Androgoth XXx
Red
/ February 9, 2012Truly, it is, Andro. So many let the fear of change stop them from becoming more authentic. It is a shame.
Have a wonderful rest of the morning,
Red.
ansuyo
/ February 9, 2012My whole life has been a series of identity crises! My foundation is my faith and my family.
Red
/ February 9, 2012That is a good trunk with lots of roots, Angie.
Derek Mansker
/ February 9, 2012My first church ministry was much shorter than I would have hoped. This change was actually a positive one…but, I can’t share that now. That is Sunday’s post as I tie up week 4 of my “life lessons” series. My point here is that it was a positive thing.
Biggest change I made—Well, there are the ‘normal’ ones like going to college and getting married. I think you are looking for something else.
My faith in God keeps me grounded.
Red
/ February 9, 2012For some people, getting married is the biggest change in their lives…period. At least until the children come along 😉 And no need to spoil the surprise. Something to look forward to Sunday.
Thank you, Derek!
Derek Mansker
/ February 9, 2012Every new child brought a new special challenge. We were always surprised at how much each one changed things. It seems funny to say that, but it is just how it is. We have managed.
Red
/ February 9, 2012How well I know that…times 10. 😉
Alexandra Heep
/ February 10, 2012My biggest, unwanted change was losing (relative) health. The hardest part was losing “friends,” but I have gained better ones along the way. They just happen to be online, a place where reality is not supposed to exist.
Changes I have made that I can control I make through writing choices. As you know I write for a living, or try to, and I gravitate towards assignments that will teach me something I am interested in. A recent example was writing about relationships. Perhaps I need to write about money next.
My core personality stays the same, but I continually change other, emotional, aspects. It makes it hard to hang on to friends, my longest friendships generally only span a few years. I do not like physical change however, such as moving and jobs. However, I am quite familiar with the chaos of the Wheel of Fortune and accept it.
Red
/ February 10, 2012I am often ribbed about living in virtual reality. A large number of my social circle are people I met virtually, who would later materialize as IRL friends. Some, I still have not be close enough to shake their hands, but we are close nonetheless. When emotional changes lead to a loss of friendship, it shows the emotional immaturity of the friend. Many times, friends cannot adapt when the other grows up beyond their current emotional level.
lorrelee1970
/ February 11, 2012To start writing again…we’ll see how it all turns out.
My kids keep me grounded and insane.
Red
/ February 11, 2012Such a handsome change it is. I have recently embraced it. Someone told me this week I do not write nearly enough. And insanity is hereditary…you get it from your children.