…but it was time for a new poll. The last minute entries changed the results rather dramatically. On the head of the post Who Are You?, the poll asked How do you describe yourself most often? The web results were not much different than the in person interviews, except where “Other” was concerned.
Hello. My name is…
Almost half of voters (48%) identify themselves by name when meeting someone new. The caveats which accompanied this choice were many.
What is yours?
- Depends on what they know about me already
- They do not want to hear my life story.
- I want to know about them before I share anything they will not like.
- I’d rather them not know anything about me.
- They cannot talk about me if all they know is my name.
- Better they see my actions before they decide (who I am).
Overwhelmingly, most of those who chose this answer felt it was impolite to volunteer anything other than their name. Some for fear of offending the acquaintance. Some for shame over what may be used to identify them later in other conversations.
I have character.
Whether the characteristic was honesty, generosity or patience, 19% of those surveyed identify themselves by how they want other people to perceive them. One person said, “If they think I am honest, when they see some of the things I do, they will think about why before they judge.”
Communing with a Higher Power
Higher Power Or Not
7% of voters identify themselves by their spiritual standing. Some were Children of God, Muslim and atheist. These people believe the influence of their spiritual status truly defines who they are and how they act. They want others see their beliefs through their actions and identify those actions with their higher power.
No Pictures Please
Not Me
Another 7% felt like anonymity was the best policy. One person said, “I would rather not ever meet anybody else, ever.” Another said, “What is the point? Somebody will tell them about me and then they will think I am a liar anyway.” While these statements sound different, are they really?
Occupation or Lack Thereof
4% each describe themselves by either their occupation or employment status. The ones most likely to choose occupation as a descriptor were those with at least an 8-year collegiate education. Those most likely to choose employment status were retired. What does that say about the pollsters?
I am an Elephant (or Donkey).
The 4% who chose to identify themselves by their politics were an interesting lot. Their immersion in politics was varied from office holder to activist, but all centered on platform. They were all seeking like-minded people and chose to avoid most opponents to their politics. Is this telling?
Wearing the Badge of Motherhood
Wife and Mother
Of the 7% who chose familial status as their descriptor, most were women. Men were less likely to consider their positions in the family as indicative of who they are.
Other
All of the 15% who chose other filled in the blank with what they use in place of all of the above. To say the answers were sad is a gross understatement. Only one answer could have been considered uplifting, which was “depends who and why they are asking”. Most of the answers contained profanity and the rest indicated a less than desirable social or personal status.
What does it all mean?
The driving force behind introducing (or not) ourselves in one manner or another was to avoid judgment or temper future judgment by our self-declared characteristics. As a society, are we so quick to judge those who come before us based solely on what we see at the moment?
~~~~~~~~~~~
If you missed the poll, scroll to the bottom to answer. Updated results will be posted next week.
Based on the results of the survey, give your opinion on the following statements:
- How we introduce ourselves is unimportant because others will undermine our introduction.
- Judgment is inevitable, so stating my side first is important.
- Self-esteem is an endangered species.
prenin
/ December 26, 20111. I always stick to the truth – I can do more damage that way! 🙂
2. People judge too much and too often – their judgement changing over time – so first impressions only last until further information becomes available.
3. This is an interesting point – too often we rely on how others view us as a benchmark for our own view of ourselves.
Self Esteem is an important thing which too many try to destroy in order to feel superior – proving themselves to be rather limited and pathetic.
Too often we see this on the web as people feeling safe behind their anonymity strike out at anyone they feel is superior to them, or vulnerable to attack.
Just so they can feel better about themselves for a few brief moments…
God Bless!
Prenin.
Red
/ December 26, 2011Pren,
1. How does this combat the things others will say in your absence?
2. I wholly agree.
3. Why is that? Specifically, why is someone else’s opinion the lynch pin to how we feel about ourselves?
As to the anonymous poo-slingers, I am going to dedicate a post (or six) to picking apart their singular brand of neurosis.
Thank you for all your insights. I appreciate your answers.
Red.
prenin
/ December 26, 20111. It doesn’t – herd behavior dictates that whoever is the Alpha leads the pack and it takes real guts to dissent when somebody else is the target for fear of becoming the target themselves…
3. Again: Herd behavior. We depend on the views of others in order to fit into the herd, so if we are higher up the greasy pole we need the views of others to stay there…
Our position in modern society depends on wealth, our peers and ‘class’ although changes in society now tend to rearrange the definition of ‘class’, so that people who are wealthy, famous, or in the eye of the gossip columnists are now looked up to and their position is aspired to thanks to the press and media who make a business of building people up in order to knock them down.
Here in the UK we have the Royal Family who many idolize, then the Lords who are upper class (by their definition) and look down on everyone else, Politicians for whom power is the objective, people in the public eye, the sprawling middle class, workers, then the lowest of the low: The unemployed.
The Press and Media then break the unemployed down still further: Disabled spongers (me); Single parents and long-term unemployed
Consequently our Tory masters are ‘enabling’ the disabled to work by cutting their benefits (Doug is in this group as he is alcoholic and recently forced to find work even though he is genuinely unfit due to his alcoholism which is classed as an illness); Single parents have until their youngest child is five before being required to seek work and the long term unemployed must either find a training place, or employment ( in the middle of a depression) before their benefits are cut to £20 per week for six months, forcing them onto the streets to beg, or steal if their family can’t support them, so becoming a part of the criminal underclass which also has a peer structure where the lowest of the low are child killers.
This way those in Power can criminalize the Unemployed Scum and do so while the press and media do the bidding of their owners and support these actions, claiming that they are saving money from the public purse to be given to those more deserving.
Which doesn’t happen – provide you don’t include Politicians Bogus expenses claims…
Love and hugs!
Prenin.
Red
/ December 26, 2011Thank you for that very astute social commentary. You seem to know where this series is headed, dear Pren! {HUGZ} Red.
raymond alexander kukkee
/ December 26, 20111. Red, my favourite mantra is ‘the truth always comes out’ so there’s no point in introducing ourselves as anything but who we really ARE. First impressions are the most important, so ‘let it be one of HONESTY’ . We should not concern ourselves with what others ‘say or think’,,,because …imagine that, “the truth always comes out”.
2. Becoming ‘defensive’ in an introduction and striking a preemptive blow—‘stating one’s side’ immediately is a clear confirmation of being a prejudicial personality……and an insecure one at that. Bad idea. Doing that reveals more about the ‘self’ than you might want a new ‘friend’ to know. It is prejudicial to believe you will be instantly judged.
3. It seems to me that low self-esteem is getting the better of people, the ‘perfect models’ of everybody seen in the media are badly affecting self-perception, particularly of women. Poor choices and mistakes in life routinely and wrongly result in low self-esteem. “Other people’s opinions, no matter how BAD they are, are wrongly accepted as gospel truth.
‘ Women compare themselves to movie stars, so think they can never be ‘perfect’– so actually choose low self-esteem, a poor self-image which can cause and reinforce all kinds of negative behaviors.
Arrogance, overly-high self-esteem is equally badly used. The two extremes in self-esteem are often assigned and thoughtlessly applied to the extremes in economic status.
Self- esteem hasn’t gone out of fashion, it still exists, but it is very badly abused, it is cleverly taken advantage of by the devious, and the cause/effects/implications of ‘esteem’ or self-perception — are poorly understood by the victims AND by the majority.
“:) ~r
Red
/ December 26, 2011Thank you, Ray. Try these on for a moment.
1. Before the truth comes out, it often takes a detour down (rumor, innuendo, other’s skewed perception, lack of justification). Even when we honestly represent ourselves from the off, before Quaint can find out we are telling the truth, others meddle where they believe they can influence.
2. While the insecurity I can grant, I have a harder time with the predisposed prejudice. What of the man whose ex-wife has destroyed his credibility with falsehoods of failed alimony? See #1 for more of what I mean.
3. Very well said.
Red.
raymond alexander kukkee
/ December 26, 2011Influence-peddling by the opportunistic does unfortunately occur, but is invariably revealed to be so, heaping scorn upon the inventive meddling moguls and associated derelicts. Everything comes full circle, so I tend to remain biased and committed to the honest route regardless;
2 Thinking about it more, the insecurity of preemptive strike /predisposed prejudice is also rooted in the issue of having faith in truth itself.
Falsehoods inevitably are revealed, which backfires on the liars and purveyors of negative karma. We know that happens, we see it quite often.
Even at that, as an example, too many people DO know that ex-spouses can be vicious for any number of reasons, destroying other family relationships, life-time friendships, new associations –how true –sometimes it takes 20 years for the lies to formally backfire . From what I have observed, ” eventually” they do backfire,–and big time.
Red, because of the long-term time element though, I will concede on this one,,,, you are right, a reputation can be SO viciously, thoughtlessly and unnecessarily damaged for a very long time before truth comes to light. A preemptive strike in some circumstances, prejudicial or not, for the record, may not only be appropriate, but highly desirable. You changed my mind Red! “”:)
♡ The Tale Of My Heart ♡
/ December 26, 2011great post, Introduction by name as it speaks for itself 🙂
Red
/ December 26, 2011Thank you for weighing in, Zahir! Good to see you on this one! Red.
lorrelee1970
/ December 26, 20111.How we introduce ourselves is unimportant because others will undermine our introduction.
**First impressions are certainly important, but I also believe in second chances because some people can’t seem to be themselves at first because they say “you” scare them. I can’t believe I would scare or intimidate anyone. I am always myself when I first meet and introduce myself to people, but I always monitor how much of myself I let be seen depending on the situation, location and person. The more I am comfortable with you…the more I will show.
2.Judgment is inevitable, so stating my side first is important.
**Thinking this way is a recipe for disaster.
3.Self-esteem is an endangered species.
**I agree. Too many kids and adults base their self-esteem on others and the media has not helped.
Red
/ December 26, 20111. Second chances are an absolute necessity. In some cases, third and fourth are as well. (See my #1 to Ray’s comment.) You would think little me would not scare anyone either (I am not physically imposing.), but I scare the Bejeezus out of scores of people, even at first blush. Do you monitor how much you share based on Quaint’s apparent ability to swallow the truth and information overload threshold?
2. How so?
3. Amen.
lorrelee1970
/ December 26, 2011I guess if you worry too much about judgment, then we go back to #1 and a poor introduction.
awarewriter
/ December 26, 2011I pass on the first two Red. Too cynical for me. As for the third, I think self-esteem is alive and well.
John
Red
/ December 26, 2011You are in the minority on that one, John. I know a few who can say that, but the vast majority I encounter are on the walking dead (zombie) list. That you believe it does give me some hope, though.
Rachael Black
/ December 26, 2011Know I answered ‘other’ but not sure if I employed profanity in the answer. Hard to say as my fucking vocabulary tends to the wild side.
Bottom line: I don’t think people should judge one another, or determine impressions based on ANY of the above potential poll questions.
Referring to yourself as any singular thing has the potential to automatically turn off someone you may wind up having a lot in common with. Even if it’s a bacon avocado cheeseburger and a bad joke -grin-.
It’s sad when an acquaintance or friend surrounds themselves with others who share ONLY their own beliefs. How can you learn anything new or be exposed to other experiences?
It’s all about actions.
Red
/ December 27, 2011I doubt you were the one who claimed to introduce him/herself as “douche bag”. And that is probably the one of the only ones I would put in the comments.
I agree, no one needs to be judging anyone, and in particular at a first meeting. See all posts referencing “four words”.
Small social circles = closed minds. I think you may like where this series is headed, Rachael.
bear
/ December 26, 2011Let me add something if I may. I am very quick to size people up and my first impressions are normaly 99.9% correct. I like to stick to my name, first only, for the most part. If you look up my last name, I share it with some unsavory people. Some have the exact full name as mine, which at times is a pain in the ass. And I really thought my last name was rare, nope it’s not.
Red is correct that some times it takes 3 maybe 4 times to get to know someone. That’s if I’m so inclined to do so. I also agree with MISS BLACK we shouldn’t judge, but in my line of work I have to figure out who or what I’m up against so I instinctivley judge. But I also take people at face value, which sad to say is rather low. I wish it weren’t.
Red
/ December 26, 2011So, is that the big Catch 22? We hold back information so no one gets the wrong first impression, but we are judged by the lack of information (low face value)? Hmmm.
bear
/ December 27, 2011Yes, the people I deal with in most cases volunteer way too much information with the first encounter, allowing me to make judgmental calls. Then, there are the ones who are very tight-lipped which adds to my, let’s say, curiosity which leads to more judgment. Damned if ya do, damned if you don’t. Again, I do investigations all day long, so I have to be quick with my assessments of people. And again, MISS BLACK says it… It’s all about actions.
Androgoth
/ December 27, 2011I didn’t enter anything on this poll my wickedly fine friend, indeed people will see me for whom I am and their judgements mean very little to me personally as one has to look beyond the outer shell, if one discriminates for whatever reason then that is their own loss, for I have no time for ridiculousness…
There are just too many individuals that judge without knowing, and that is a real shame I think as there are so many interesting people to know and with first impressions so much can be lost in an instance without ever really knowing a person for whom they really are…
Have a lovely day today Red 🙂
Androgoth XXx
Red
/ December 27, 2011Very healthy attitude, Andro. Those who choose not to engage someone new miss out on the chance at finding more about themselves. And so not start me off on judges. The way I see it, the robed ones are only a single step above attorneys, for most are and all allow attorneys shenanigans to profit them. The unrobed kind, are on par with attorneys. And we all know where attorneys stand on the food chain 😉
Have a lovely rest of the afternoon and evening, Andro.
Red.