We spent last week talking about friendship. Tonight, Mantra has a question for a friend. She does not ask lightly, either. She has done her due diligence. Can you help her find an answer to her query?
Ofttimes, we build relationships in the virtual world. We get to know one another through online jobs, social media and the blogosphere. We congregate at websites to discuss our politics, beliefs, support, outrage…we bond in our likenesses. We are birds of virtual feathers.
The camaraderie is not virtual. It is very real. We build trusts, share our lives, heartaches, desires, innermost dreams. Sometimes, we are willing to share more with the virtual world than we are in the flesh and blood world because we have the screen to protect us from physical harm. Occasionally, we perceive it can protect us from heartache because our virtual friends have no vested interest in our downfall. In short, they pose no threat to our actual place in the flesh and blood world.
Lament
At some point, everyone who engages heavily online reaches an overload. It is the exact same emotional overload which comes with spending too many hours with a friend in person. The emails and notifications are too much. The pressure builds. We try desperately to be the friend we want in return, but find the flesh and blood world encroaching with everything in its realm:
- Bills need to be paid.
- Pets need exercise.
- Doctors appointments are scheduled.
- Friends and family need assistance.
- Socialization beyond the screen is paramount.
- Death.
One by one, your profiles disappear…
Just as we learned to depend on our online friends to be online when we virtually come to call, they, too, rely on us to be there when they are in need. What happens to them when we leave them alone? What about when we leave them alone with no mention of where we are?
Do they panic and come searching? Do they report us missing because they know the perils of our flesh and blood existence? Do they even notice we are gone?
Mantra
Over the course of the last three months, I have lost a number of virtual friends. People who I got to know through various outlets, but whose exodus from the virtual world coincided with their exodus from the flesh and blood world as well. For some, the notification came quickly, within 24 hours of the death. Others would trickle in. One would wait weeks for the truth to out.
For me, the answer is simple. Mantra wrote this both for and about me. Lost in Cyberspace is not about being sucked into a virtual world to the exclusion of the flesh and blood world. It is not about going incognito and assuming a new profile to begin virtual life anew.
Instead, it is about the shattered privacy of virtual friends when one is gone.
Lost in Cyberspace
Where are you?
The telephone rings without answer.
Crickets in the inbox chirp.
Not one message has been opened.
Your walls, pages and streams are
plastered, scribbled and polluted
with idioms, adages and pictures,
but not one peep to acknowledge
you’ve seen even the first one.
Where are you?
The postman brought back the letter,
ANK stamped on the envelope.
The invisible SWAK was not broken.
Mailer daemon came to call and
brought back address corrupted.
One by one, your profiles disappear
from view, pictures in the mist,
DM, PM and chat disabled and done.
Where are you?
We bridged the digital divide together,
enjoyed technological bliss.
But now terrabytes are not spanned
with blazing high speed or wifi.
Have you been digitally abducted?
Did the hackers come and wipe
your memory, destroy your hard drive,
reduce you to bits of mere silicone?
Where are you?
140620120116
Do you have virtual friends you look for when they disappear? Do your virtual friends look for you when you are missing in action? Have you had a virtual friend move from the computer to the telephone or to flesh and blood land? Have you ever lost a virtual friend?
This post is dedicated to all the virtual friends who have moved to another plane where modems are not necessary.
Bearman
/ June 25, 2012I often wonder if I should actually teach my wife how to use wordpress, twitter, fb, google plus in case something happens to me as my online friends would never know.
Bearman recently posted..Editorial Cartoon: Ron Paul Social Security Hypocrite
Red
/ June 25, 2012I have not done it here because word of the party hosted at my demise would spread across the Internet like wildfire. (My will is pretty specific about what I want to play and what food should be served.) Back when I worked on the web and was single, I had an obit post which was schedule for two days ahead of whatever day it was. Everyday, I reset the date so it would be in the future. If I ever stopped coming to the screen, at least my colleagues and clients would know I would not return.
Bearman
/ June 25, 2012That’s a good plan unless you were on vacation and missed a day. Boy would you have some explaining to do..haha
Bearman recently posted..Editorial Cartoon: Ron Paul Social Security Hypocrite
Binky
/ June 25, 2012Yes, that would not be too funny.
Red
/ June 25, 2012LOL! Glad that never happened. I can just hear the conversation. “What are you doing here? You called in dead!”
Raymond Alexander Kukkee
/ June 25, 2012I have to agree with Bearman, Red. I believe it is important to inform online friends if something serious happens–I go looking for my online friends when they’re conspicuous by their absence–and often wondered if they do the same. Now I know.
IN fact, one of my lifetime friends called me just the other day from the U.S. wondering what happened to me.
I hadn’t been in touch with him for a couple of months due to a Hotmail account failure.
He was really concerned. In reality, friends are friends regardless if they are ‘virtual’ friends or not. Great post, Red..and food for thought. ~R
Raymond Alexander Kukkee recently posted..The Greening: Flower Power
Red
/ June 25, 2012I’ll not repeat my comment, but will add I have systems set in place to circumvent the wondering. I am the system for a few people in my sphere. I have new friends I have met through M3 and traveling the WP wire. I have often stopped by when they have gone missing to let them know someone notices their absence. It is the opposite of the hatemail. When I get the letters want to know I am all right, it is a warming experience. One I think everyone should have.
Cat Forsley
/ June 25, 2012To me —— Definitely important to keep in touch if i am going somewhere – it’s manners really …. Just like i do with flesh and blood friends and family ….
I have had a few Virtual friends turn into flesh and blood friends and it was super cool ……… to meet for real – out of the land of cyberspace. I have not lost anyone ————— health wise …..
but can empathize – yikes ….
Yeah – when i don’t see someone from wp for a while – i always wonder if they are ok …..
Good stuff tonight ……Red ….
Really Good xo
sending Hugs …..xx
Cat
Cat Forsley recently posted..As Sunshine Comes Cat Forsley ©
Red
/ June 25, 2012Having someone disappear entirely is difficult. Even when our connections are through the wire or wifi, there is a loss of intimacy when a friend disappears. {HUGZ} Mon Chat doux. Red. xxx
Deb
/ June 25, 2012I’ve lost a few, but one posted she was leaving, I think you may have know her…Raven.
I’ve often thought this sort of thing. What if I passed on, or was hospitalized for a long period. I don’t want my friend to have to wonder, I’d want them to know.
Love and hugs to you, Red! xo
Deb recently posted..I Lost My Worm!
Red
/ June 25, 2012I did know Leyla. I was heartbroken I missed her farewell. I was ill and when I got back online she was already gone. I caught a few of her goodbyes on a few friends’ blogs in the days following her closing up Ravenwood. I, too, would not want to leave anyone hanging. Love and {HUGZ} Red. xxx
MJ Logan
/ June 25, 2012I have asked that my friends be informed.
I’ve seen people disappear and later find out they passed on. I’d rather people knew right away rather than wonder.
Sometimes I wonder… will anyone realize I’m gone?
MJ Logan recently posted..Adventure With Dad
Red
/ June 25, 2012You may well be surprised how many would wonder. I have had some of the most unlikely people inquire when I have turned up missing, as I have done it more than once. I am certain the bank would miss you 😉
Laurie
/ June 25, 2012I’d notice if my friends went missing. I can name the handful that would come looking for me if I vanished. It’s a nice feeling to know who would make a point to say their final farewells.
Red
/ June 25, 2012It really is. With the connections I have, I am regularly amazed who misses me when I disappear. And I know there will be a few who want to be at the party.
Laurie
/ June 25, 2012hmm, would it be rude to stipulate only real drinks be served (not to the children) but that everyone (men especially) be banned from girly drinks, and there not be any cheap alcohol? Well, cheap alcohol makes you sick, it’s far better to wait it out until you can afford the good stuff.
OK I’m a non-spambot, guess I’ll remember to check the box.
Red
/ June 25, 2012Not rude in the slightest. I have left explicit instructions I will haunt anyone who even speaks the words “box wine”. I want there to be laughter and song and enough designated drivers to take the lushes home before the vomiting begins.
Binky
/ June 25, 2012I’ve lost contact with a few virtual friends, and you always wonder what happened to them. Hopefully they just decided to retreat, but not knowing is difficult.
Binky recently posted..Nunchuck Knowledge
Red
/ June 25, 2012For me the hard part was the realizing there was someone else going through the messages and the emails and the conversations as they prepared to close the accounts. I know one daughter told me she appreciated the friendship I showed her father near the end. She said I was one of only two who even contacted them to find out why the accounts were disabled.
Laurie
/ June 25, 2012Oh that’s creepy, now I got to leave my kiddo’s instructions to just make the announcement specific places and visible to my friends, and give them a list of emails to email….uggh, my accounts better stay up once I’m gone until they lapse on their own,..
Red
/ June 25, 2012I did not go into a lot of detail on the last line before the poem, but that is what it meant. I will talk more about this later this week.
Red recently posted..Into the Sunset
Phil
/ June 25, 2012I am still here, and alive and kicking. Just incredibly busy with business travel this past month, weeks at a time, and dealing with the time difference wreaking havoc on my sleep. I know my own little corner of WordPress has been gathering a bit of dust, but it is heartwarming to see you pop in to make sure all is OK. It is rather touching to know you care.
I’ve missed the virtual community of friends I’ve made these past several months. I look forward to some return to normalcy. Right after I get some sleep…
Phil recently posted..Rose Moon 2012
Red
/ June 26, 2012I am not really good at being a lurker. I prefer to leave breadcrumbs. Glad to see you tonight, Phil. Stay safe and for cripes’ sake, do get some sleep. 😉
Lizzie Cracked
/ June 26, 2012I notice when my friends are acting out of character… like not commenting when they normally would.. not on Twitter,,not emailing.. it usually just makes me look for them.. in other places or ask if ithers have seen them… then I give them space..couple days..except if I get tingling – or feel nauseated…that happened once.. I was suddenly and completely overwhelmed with the thought that something terrible had happened…and i started crying..until they were located… it was nearly devastating… yes… I happen to know for a fact the I am missed and that a few wonderful souls 😉 will come looking for me.. and I had a hard time grasping the virtual concept.. but I am quite used to it and quite possibly my virtual friends and my virtual world are much more a desirable place and people then the real one… sometimes i forget.. but I also believe in fairies so…I guess thinking this is my real world wouldn;t be too much of a stretch…
Great post and poem. Very thought provoking…
Much Love 🙂 Lizzie
Lizzie Cracked recently posted..To Fake or Not to Fake Mid Afternoon Mental Moment
Lizzie Cracked
/ June 26, 2012oh and yes I have lost friends here – 2 recently,,just left o at least they are still breathing..but it was just as hurtful…as being left
Red
/ June 26, 2012When we are invested in others, the leaving is just as painful as the kind where you can physically touch…
Red
/ June 26, 2012The people in my flesh and blood world often chastise me for living virtually. I do not respect their time constraints and do not see the emergency in their dramas. As unnerving as it is for them, the virtual world is far more stable than most flesh and blood situations. There is sanity in being able to say, “I have had enough for today,” and then unplugging the modem 😉 xxx <3
Lizzie Cracked
/ June 26, 2012well.. when you put it like that…stable is good…
(yes i know what time it is.. 🙂 )
Lizzie Cracked recently posted..To Fake or Not to Fake Mid Afternoon Mental Moment
aussieian2011
/ June 26, 2012Hi Red, I mentioned in a few old blogs of friends of mine that have gone from the net , mainly the old My Space times, we talked with them through their bad and sad times and in some cases watched them through words fade away gradually through sickness,
their nicknames always come to mind, Luvlinks , known as Patricia, Brettskieb, cancer closed his space, at the end of the day these people really did impress on our lives , even without a meeting in the reality of everyday life, they were someone,do I miss them ? yes they formed they way I interact with others on the computer.
Cheers Red
Aussie Emu aka Aussie Ian suffering from a good dose of Flu
aussieian2011 recently posted..The Wisdom of An Ancient Love