Red held out on you. Clyde has something up his sleeve. The breeze is a bit stiff tonight, so snuggle into a rocker with a cuppa. Let’s talk.
DL
Thursday was the day the M3 Readers found out I was officially on the disabled list. Last weekend, I managed a second degree burn on my left hand. The debriding continues, but is not painful. What started out as a nearly three inch burn will likely leave less than a two inch scar. I have a mite too much experience in dealing with burns, especially since the last one was a third degree which was all the way to the bone. My Sadist physical therapist did not notice it until I pointed it out to her.
As though there were not enough problems with my left hand, the burn was on immediate advisory for no typing. Not like that really happened… Well, I cut back to email only. (Whistles Dixie whilst sweeping the trash and sent folders out.)
Flash me!
Last month at this time, there were almost 40 flashes in the pan. As of Friday, there were 70 entries to the first Flash in the Pan book. Do you have an entry? If not, you have until midnight (GMT -5) tomorrow to get your link to me. Click on Flash in the Pan under the header for the inspiration words and the limits.
Have you seen some of the flashes? Awesome, awesome, awesome. If you do not think it is possible to hit a home run on your first at bat, you have not read some of the newcomers to flash fiction.
Books
More books have been returned to authors after the latest round of beta reads. They are on the home stretch. Another one has made its way to the ready for press pile. The short version: Many people are working very hard to make this launch a success. Every last one of them deserves a round of applause. Yes, the zombies, too.
Have you entered to win a copy of Forty Grains of Black Powder yet? Taps foot impatiently. You can enter everyday. If you are already subscribed to email from The M3 Blog, press the Do it! button. It is worth five chances.
Feeling the Love
Have you been to see Cat Forsley’s new blog? With the theme Passion, Fervour & Forever is a happening place. No, that is not a CSS sheet. It is an everyday topic of conversation! She hosted yours truly for a Passion feature. What do you mean you do not know what that means? (It opens in a new tab. Talk to Clyde, then go see what’s what.)
Right Turn, Clyde!
Impatient orang! Really? Oh, sure, fine. I did not want to talk about anything else. Seems Clyde thinks I was trying to steal his thunder in the second paragraph. Tonight’s subject from the flippin’ ape is scars.
Now, if we were to sit on the porch and compare scars, you may well get the impression I must be a complete klutz. Nothing could be further from the truth. Since I began walking, I have fallen fewer than an half dozen times; however, that grace does not extend to what has broken my skin over the years.
- Fights (fist, knife, sword, pellet rifles)
- MVA (plural)
- Surgeries
- E-coli
- Bites (spider, human, snake)
- Burns (all degrees, all methods)
- Fire (as in caught on)
Over the years, I have learned a bit about scars. The first thing is that scar tissue is far stronger than whatever I damaged to cause it. Necessarily, where there was pain, there is gain. While it was a good lesson to learn, albeit the hard way, it likely is not the top of the lesson list.
One of the most important things to learn about scars is how to minimize them. No, this is not going to be a skin care class.
The Aleck in the group will likely raise a hand at this juncture to point out avoiding situations where damage is probably going to occur is the most expedient route to minimizing scars. I am going to be blunt. Put your hand down. You are a Sooner.
None of us wants to the the one with the giant scar sticking out of some piece of clothing which makes people titter and stare and point like a gaggle of social misfits. Still, we walk around with our scars on display like a scarlet A.
I am not talking about the railroad track where the staples were for your last surgery. I am talking about the scars left behind by those we love. You have one…at least one. Choose all which apply, but keep your answer to yourself for now.
- Broken Mate relationship
- Lost friendship
- Betrayal
- Discrimination
- Denial
- Death
Unless you are the inhabitant of a hamster ball, one of these events has occurred in your life. Its effects may have been immediately noticeable or may well have stayed hidden until the next time it occurred. Either way, you did not escape unscathed.
Despite how you may cover your scar (humor, nonchalance, withdrawal), it is noticeable. There is at least one person in your life who saw it, recognized it and… did what? Try to talk to you? Try to get you to talk about it? Tried to get you intervention? Waited patiently by the telephone or on the couch for you to get comfortable enough with yourself to let the pain flow from the wound, so the scarring could begin?
Yes, waiting for you to be ready to heal is one of the hardest things someone who loves you will ever choose to do.
Were you busy pulling down your sleeves to hide it? Were you telling everyone else? Or did you merely crumble and refuse to allow someone to help you rebuild? These are all examples of misery preferring no company. Rather than let the wound scab, get ugly, be debrided, get clean, be medicated and heal, you stuck it right out there in the stream of bacteria to be infected and consume the life you had built.
Why?
None of us are immune to the slings and arrows of friendship and relationships gone awry. Family has no compatibility test. Those people enter your life by sex and genetics. Often, they are far more trusted than those who overtly earn trust. Trust is an extremely sharp, two-edged sword. Whether used to defend or to offend, it holds the power to keep the wound open. Who holds it?
If someone who has stabbed you with it before wields it, what do you use as a shield? Although your mind is more powerful, you often choose your heart. For, were it not for your heart, you never would have handed them the weapon in the first place.
Since the shield is both weak and damaged, employ strategy.
Minimize:
- Contact
- Confrontation
- Concealment
Walking away is the first step to regaining the power to heal and close the wound, so the scar can begin to lend its strength. Stop engaging the one who is hurting you.
Lashing back at those who harm you is a natural instinct. It is governed by hormones. You can resist this urge. Revenge is a dish best served cold. Put it in the refrigerator and let it become a science experiment. From mold comes penicillin.
Not engaging or confronting the one who hurt you is not synonymous with disengaging from life. The very best revenge is living a good life.
Minimizing internal scars is neither easy nor science. It is, however, not complicated. Regardless of how alone your pain may make you feel, there will always be one person who will help you. It may not be the person you want. It may not be the person you trust most. It may just happen to be the last person you would consider an ally.
Who is waiting for you? More importantly, for whom would you wait? Do they know?
Until next time,
~~~~~~~~~~
I hope you are having a restful weekend. See you in the comments and the pan. Answer any of the questions from Clyde.
If you tweet or +1 this post, please use the hashtags #friendship and #healing. Thank you for sharing The M3 Blog.
Gail Thornton
/ September 29, 2012Red, so glad to hear your hand is healing, and you are a role model for me on how to heal from those I loved. I have been hurt again, 32 yrs later, my space violated, not my person, and will not confront or attempt to get revenge. I understand the hurting party so well that I know that when they stole material things from me this time, they were attempting to in their incapable way of to reestablish a connection, considering the meaning of what they took. I have no passion for the drama anymore. It’s dead for me, and so are material things.
Gail Thornton recently posted..Poem – In Love in Falmouth
Red
/ September 30, 2012Sounds like you are on the mastery road for minimizing contact <3 Live well. It burns them up <3 xxx
Bearman
/ September 29, 20123rd degree burns are down to the bone, then where do 4th degree ones go?
Feel better
Bearman recently posted..Bearman Classic: Marge Simpson Playboy
Red
/ September 30, 2012All the way through?
Laurie
/ September 29, 2012OUCH! OUCH! OUCH!
and, you’ve got books already ready to go to print? wait isn’t the launch in two days? I’m in a time warp of sorts.
Laurie recently posted..Sunday FTP
Red
/ September 30, 2012No, shooting for 01NOV. Yes, some are ready to print. Still have others not so close. Sigh.
Laurie
/ September 30, 2012November? That’s a whole month away. OK, I can be patient until then.
Laurie recently posted..Sunday FTP
BuddhaKat
/ September 29, 2012Holy cow, woman, you can turn on a dime from a silly conversation about the dangers of getting hurt, to the truly deep place I went when you bespoke of those inner places of hidden hurts and hates.
This was an awesome post, Red, with a transition into a perfect introspectrum.
My deepest sympathies on the injury, applause of the healing and kicks to your sadistic/PT person!!!
weekly love,
🙂
BuddhaKat recently posted..Friday, my Friday, today, is a sad Friday…
Red
/ September 30, 2012Thank you, my dear. When I first started “Right turn, Clyde” there were a lot of people who told me that. It is really good to hear <3
raymond alexander kukkee
/ September 29, 2012I must agree, Red, OUCH!…This is the first I heard of your burn– I hope your hand is healing, and remember, debriding to minimize scars doesn’t mean the whole scab has to be pulled off –just the thickest, toughest around the edges- which allows normal skin to grow -it works in other applications –and relationships too. The “little bad parts” can be tweaked around the edges, as you know. You shall be fine! GREAT post, by the way!
raymond alexander kukkee recently posted..Sleet and Potatoes
Red
/ September 30, 2012Glad you liked it. I still have lots of places which are not ready to have the crystallization pulled off yet. Little here. Little there. slow and steady wins the race. 😉
prenin
/ September 29, 2012You know my scars my friend and how obsessed I became to avenge myself against my sperm donor.
Like the man said: “When you go to seek vengeance, first dig two graves.”
We all get hurt occasionally, but it is up to us to escape the scars.
We have to be better than our abusers…
Love and hugs always!
Prenin.
prenin recently posted..Saturday – A trip to the Co-Op…
Noeleen
/ September 30, 2012Awesome comment, Prenin. That quote, that says a lot.
Noeleen recently posted..Patience
Red
/ September 30, 2012I love that quote. I have not heard anyone use it in years. It is still just as true as the first time I heard it. {HUGZ}
Angela Young
/ September 29, 2012Interesting thought. Forgiveness belongs on your list of scar minimizers. Many people never let their scars heal, much less minimize them. Fodder for other posts :).
Angela Young recently posted..Stop in for some Refreshment
Red
/ September 30, 2012Forgiveness cannot be on the personal list because forgiveness can only occur with two people who are willing. I only included the solitary activities. 😉
Noeleen
/ September 30, 2012Wow, Red, choice stuff here.
Red, please forgive me, I don’t think I can do voice for the stuff. I just have a real problem sorting the minutes out as it is, I just don’t think I can get there. Please do forgive me.
I’ll be here always though – love your stuff.
Noeleen recently posted..Patience
Red
/ September 30, 2012Oh, pish tosh. No forgiveness necessary. I am acutely aware of the time constraints 😉
Valentine Logar
/ September 30, 2012Do you mean we cannot just beat the stuffing out of the dummy with the picture tacked to the face hanging in our garage? That is my favorite first step towards healing.
Never mind, woe is me talking about it. Certainly no forgiveness for those long-gone, no remorse feeling hurtful snots.
I wear my scars like badges of honor. Earned on the battlefield and now proudly displayed. Thankfully I have good skin and they aren’t too very ugly.
Feel better my dear dear sister. Back to reading.
Valentine Logar recently posted..Civil Free Fall, Platforms 2012
Red
/ September 30, 2012Aye, back to reading for me as well. Although, a few rounds in the garage may bring my motivation level up a mite. Just saying. <3
Deb
/ September 30, 2012Red, I’m glad you hand it getting better. A burn like that must be very painful.
♥ xxx
Deb recently posted..Peaches
Red
/ September 30, 2012Burns are only painful the first few minutes/hours. After that, when properly tended, they are only mildly annoying. I have to be careful not to stretch the new skin. Keeping the thumb in place is difficult when I want to type!! <3 xxx