Almost every culture has a parable comparing life to a tree. We all start with the roots of family, wild and ranging, channeled into a trunk, parents. As we age, we meet others, branch off from the basis of our family and blossom into a one of a kind work of art.
Each little knot in our life is an opportunity to grow. If we stop too long to worry over the little uncomfortable gathering of cells (ideas, people, beliefs), the rest of the tree starts to fade.
If we keep concentrating on the pain of the outcropping, we lose the detail of the events and people in our lives who are active and alive. We sharpen our attention on the one event which began the knot.
The future is no longer in focus because we convince ourselves this trauma is the only thing which defines us. We need to meticulously pull it apart, study the pieces, dissect all the reasons, calculate the probability of happenstance, assign blame, lament, stagnate. Before long, the introspection is self-fulfilling.
We have become experts in pain and see only stark repetition for as long as we can imagine, even longer than we believe we can endure.
Winds of Change
There is another path. The tree has many branches. Over time, the ones unsupported or damaged by the wind and weather fall from the tree. In their place, the knot grows protective bark, healing into a gnarl. The tree does not spend all of its energy healing. Instead, it takes the best of its nutrients and feeds the tender shoots, budding leaves and blossoms.
Life teems, and the future fills with songbirds and squirrels and koalas and monkeys. They all see the value in the tree, not for its gnarled knot where the branch once was but for the life in the branches which remain.
Over time, the tree is so busy building branches for the life around it, it stops tending to the gnarl. It does not forget. The gnarl has settled, bark protecting the exposed flesh from irritating bugs. The gnarl is stronger than the flesh around it because it weathered the elements whilst unprotected by the bark. Come the spring, the tree will send tender shoots out around it in remembrance of the branch to balance itself. The blossoms fill the void where the branch once was. Life renewed.
Life Lesson
All of us are trees. The gnarls in our lives are the losses we suffer every day. Some are minor, the gentle fading of an acquaintance. Some are significant, the loss of a career. Some are monumental, the death of a Mate.
The branches in our lives are the people who feed us by absorbing the sun’s rays. They feed us physically and spiritually. Some people have only a few leaves on the branch. Some have rows of blossoms. They bring us sustenance and joy.
There is always a branch which supports more leaves and blossoms and other branches than all the rest. When we lose that branch, we have to admit there are other branches which still feed us, even as we heal the gnarl left behind.
Watching the growth of those branches is not forgetting the branch which was lost, but instead, it is celebrating the survival of the tree despite the storm. How full of life will you fill your future?
Widowed Blog Hop
The first Wednesday of every month is the Widowed Blog Hop. Take a moment to check out some of the other blogs on the hop. There are some new participants this month. Stop by and say hello. Mention my name, and get a better seat.
If you would like to know more about my journey losing my spouse and the survival which is possible afterward, Killing Us Softly: Becoming the Surviving Spouse of Cancer is available in ebook, Kindle, PDF and paperback.
As always, thank you for sharing and supporting blog hops.
How does focusing on the past rob us of our future? Is there a branch in your tree which could use a drink of water? Are you a strong branch for someone else? Does your tree support wildlife?
#Hashtags: #widows #grief #coping
El Guapo
/ February 5, 2013All I can say about my tree is that it is on a tropical beach somewhere, ready to hold up one end of the hammock.
Beautiful images!
El Guapo recently posted..Trifextra – Say…
Red
/ February 6, 2013I like that idea. Thanx, Guap.
Bearman
/ February 6, 2013My tree would be those v shaped palm trees so I am Hammock ready
Bearman recently posted..Customer Service Phone Trees
Red
/ February 6, 2013So, should we put yours by Guap’s? Whose hammock goes on top?
John McDevitt
/ February 5, 2013Lovely images Red. The past is gone, gnarly gone and the only way to revisit the past (it is impossible to recreate the past) is to do it in the now using our faulty memories. If we constantly live in the past, i.e. allowing our memories to overpower the moment then the future has no chance.
John McDevitt recently posted..High Contrast Play
Red
/ February 6, 2013So true, John. The past can overpower the future if we let it. Glad to see you today.
BuddhaKat
/ February 5, 2013Oh my, oh my, oh my!!! Beautiful progression of fractal images, Red!!
And what a lovely post, too… I once made the mistake of trying to take a second shot at a specific part of my past and seen from the perspective of now, I surely could have made better use of my time and resources! Live and learn, I guess!
Revisiting the past, however, through the filter of more recent events hopefully gives us a better look at the underlying causes, reasons, etc. So that we can learn from them how a different approach may work better, even if the situation is different than the past!
The important thing – that takes the discipline of being honest with yourself about those past events, relationships, challenges. And the current or even hoped for future situations. Nothing is a given!!! It’s not always easy to be honest with ourselves!!
your fractal progress is impressive, Red!!
hugs and stuff…
🙂
BuddhaKat recently posted..Finding the Found Long Lost Friday Fractal Feature…
Red
/ February 6, 2013Accepting the past as gone is terrifically important to our survival. We hold the lessons, but let go of the hurt. Glad you liked the images in this one. When I started this one, I did not want to crowd it with too many words…xxx
prenin
/ February 5, 2013Hi Red! 🙂
As you know I had a bad childhood and an equally bad adulthood.
Because of the injuries I suffered I was unable to have children of my own, but looked after 42 who are now (mostly) fine adults with children of their own, my God daughters family having adopted me as an honorary Uncle.
My branch of the tree will die with me, but all the good I have done and the love I have shared with them will live on.
Some trees are physical, yes, but even though they bear no seed, like the banana, they continue to feed others.
Love and hugs!
Prenin.
prenin recently posted..Monday – power outage and a storm.
Red
/ February 6, 2013Ah, bananas, such misunderstood fruit. You are a terrific branch, Ian. 🙂
Binky
/ February 5, 2013Sometimes I think I’m one big gnarl. I should move on.
Binky recently posted..Think Like A Knife
RLB
/ February 6, 2013You’re not a gnarl. Maybe you just need a bit more rocket fuel. Or a new map?
Red
/ February 6, 2013More fuel and a new map. The gas to get where he wants to go. Great to see you! xxx
Binky
/ February 6, 2013More chocolate fuel to go!
Binky recently posted..Think Like A Knife
Red
/ February 6, 2013Gnarly trunks support a lot of life. Look toward the Wombies hanging in the branches. 😉
Binky
/ February 6, 2013I guess there are a few of them up there.
Binky recently posted..Think Like A Knife
Candy
/ February 5, 2013I LOVE this post.
“Watching the growth of those branches is not forgetting the branch which was lost, but instead, it is celebrating the survival of the tree despite the storm.”
Best quote ever. Beautiful and relevant and powerful.
Excuse me while I go and reread this whole thing again.
Candy recently posted..Waiting to Cross the Street
Red
/ February 6, 2013Grab it for WP (not wordpress). I posted it on FB <3
Gail Thornton
/ February 6, 2013Red,
When I met you my focus was on the many gnarls I have on my tree. Now I am focused on feeding the branches and blossoms which have grown. The images are gorgeous, the color, the lines, and the metaphors. On any given day, in any given hour we can choose to change our perspective from the past to the present and future. Changing our perspective actually changes who we are, and opens possibilities we never dreamed were within our reach.
Gail Thornton recently posted..Review of A Month of Mental Moments
Red
/ February 6, 2013Changing who we are changes the world 🙂 It makes it a better place! xxx
Noeleen
/ February 6, 2013Red, I like this post enormously – so visual, so beautifully said.
My tree, yup, has supported a lot of wildlife, & ferals, over time.
Noeleen recently posted..Wait for Me
Red
/ February 6, 2013I am glad, Noeleen. Mine has always been the home to various wildlife, and a few I have even imported for the occasion. xxx
Valentine Logar
/ February 6, 2013My friend, my sister, my muse…….what else
This progression is perfect. It defines so many things it is difficult to follow and not see ourselves in it, not see our growth and even our periodic stops along the path.
You have, as always, given much of yourself in teaching us to see the world differently.
I love you
Valentine Logar recently posted..Cameras in the Locker Room
Red
/ February 6, 2013This one is universal. There are so many of us who sometimes whack our heads on the sequoia before the forest never realizing we are a tree, too. I love you <3
Lisa Neumann
/ February 6, 2013Beautiful fractals (trees).
Beautiful message.
Beautiful girl.
TY
Lisa Neumann recently posted..My Dad and Me
Red
/ February 6, 2013Thank you, Lisa. This is one which holds meaning for you. Glad to see you today. xxx