Thank the stars! It is Friday. Not that that really means much to someone who posts every stinking day, but it does mean it is time for Friday Follies. Are you ready to open the stupidest inbox in the blogosphere? Get out your polishing cloths because there are some real gems!
I am calling the police!”
Oh, please. Our first genius comes from Ohio. He apparently is going to save Kershaw. Apparently, he did not look it up on Google Earth to see it is truly four miles past the point where all hope is lost. He is, however, deeply concerned after reading for a few days. His reactions are to the Saturday Evening Post and Fire Reflex. Observe:
What kind of homocidal maniac are you? If you cant kill somebody you are going to burn the town to the ground. I am going to goggle that plave where you live and call somebody to stop you.”
Really, Jake? I can promise you Kershaw is not underwater…I live on a mountain. Every badge in the county knows where my house is. Let’s see what I penned to him and a few other people:
In anticipation of your 911 call, I am copying the Bloomington Police and the sheriffs in and for the appropriate counties in South Carolina on this response. I thought I would help you spread the word.
1. I have never harbored any ill will for homosexuals.
2. I have never threatened to kill nor killed anyone, even with provocation. Although, I routinely jest with my children they will not see their next birthdays. I have been assured by attorneys and law enforcement this will in no way be construed as a factor for premeditation.
3. There are no arsons currently under investigation in my area, and I have an alibi for the one which was committed in Lee county.
4. I would suggest if you are going to use goggles, please properly attach a snorkel to the mask, as the lack of oxygen to your brain has caused irreparable damage which you would not want to exacerbate.
You can imagine the dispatchers cackling over this one. Tax dollars hard at work.
Bunch of Saps”
I normally do not print the Friday Follies which directly insult the M3 Readers, but Carl just really got to me. He is a late addition to the 16th edition. It seems in Oregon, they read different things into poetry than, well, anyone. He hatemails about Poured Out today to tell you who commented you got it wrong.
What is wrong with that bunch of saps you got reading here? That poem isnt about someone else being selfish. She is a control freak. She is only pissy because she cant have it her way all the time. Maybe if she was keeping secrets better they wouldnt a all left.”
Now, I have been reading poetry and getting something out of it for a very long time. And as we learned from Misti, there are many answers. I am loathe to say there are no wrong answers because I am pretty certain Carl is a couple bubbles off of level with his answer.
After I quit shaking my head, I decided to write him back a quick note:
How clever of you to pick up on that. You obviously have been with a man who is very controlling. You must know about how you need to keep secrets to manipulate him into believing it is all his idea so you can get him to do what you want him to do. Maybe you have a few pointers?
And just for the record…there are no typos in my response.
My guess is she is the one who rated it only one star…The Saturday Evening Post led Margaret to last week’s desolate Talk Tuesday. From there, her path is much harder to follow. She read at least the last few paragraphs, but this is what she got out of it.
You couldn’t tell the truth no matter what. If you lied to your parents, you would lie to anyone. Why would you hide things from your husband? He’s probly the only person who does love you. Of course you have a double standard! Your husband tells you everything. How does he stay married to a pathological liar?”
So, dearest M3 Readers, what do you think I did with this one? Once I quit laughing, I put my horns and hooves on the grinding wheel until they were sharp and hot.
My husband does know everything now. The medium said the seance was a complete success. He forgives me for not telling him I was really a man before we met, and I had adopted the children after faking my pregnancies so he would not find out my deepest darkest secret.
Do you think she will admonish anyone else?
I hope your week has been sap, police, pathology and hatemail free. See you next week for another edition of Friday Follies from the stupidest inbox in the blogosphere!
(c) Ann Marie Dwyer 2012
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