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Mine

Emily Cross liked this post

THREEOne of the most popular posts on The M3 Blog is a post where I had no energy to write at all. (Number three on the Most Loved list in the right sidebar.) Today, I have a similar feeling.

The FAB world is often an enigma to me. Despite whatever I learn, I am often confounded by the events which transpire on a daily basis. In this instance, I am not talking about war or pestilence or any other large scale disaster. Instead, I have an abiding inability to grasp something I see on a personal level nearly everyday.

Mine!

Mine is a favorite word of toddlers once they begin to grasp the word means property and right to possession. In the diminutive humans, I find it perfectly plausible and easy to understand. Once teenagerdom arrives, I can still see the prerogative. By the time adulthood is attained, I cannot get there from here with a map, flashlight and seeing-eye-dog.

I'll take that.

I’ll take that.

With children, mine is always about material things: toys, clothes, pets. Occasionally, mine refers to people, most often parents and grandparents, rarely siblings.

With teenagers, it is mostly about things. Their budding independence makes their mine refer away from people, instead covering territory (room) and identity-indicative hobbies.

Adults? Mine reverts back to the childish things while adding the trappings of “maturity”: house, collections, cars. In more rounded individuals, mine will mix hobbies with career. Once again, mine will begin to include people, both family and friends.

We use mine to draw our boundaries for personal space and to separate our identities from the people in our circles. Mine is a necessary concept to reveal ourselves to others.

What’s wrong?

Mine is destructive. It becomes a “landmine”. Instead of using our mine as a way to identify others who are similar, we use it to divide and denigrate.

Mate says, “You do not fit in with my friends.” Quaint says, “You do not enjoy my hobby.” Colleague says, “You do not need to worry about my contribution to the project.”

No.How are these destructive? They each undermine the teamwork necessary for successful relationships. Colleague is not a team player. Quaint does not want you on the team. Mate is playing on the team opposite you.

Just like the toddler who will not share the toy at day care, these adults are holding a part of their lives away from those who would contribute to their success and happiness if given the opportunity. Mine is screaming NO! to voluntary involvement.

Ours

It really is not difficult to share by simply taking the mines away from the boundaries. Letting people into our worlds, jobs and hearts does not make the territory less mine. It actually allows for others to contribute to it, improve it and make it a far less lonely place to be.


Why do we close out the ones who want most to be included? Can you dig up one mine?

Hashtags: #engagement #boundaries

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© Red Dwyer 2013
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29 Comments

  1. This touches close to home right now as you know. Yours, Mine, Ours — Coupledom -v- Individuality is very much a subject within my home. How we view ourselves within the context of relationships can be difficult, especially if being part of a couple feels isolating. Finding pathways to being part of a couple with shared interests while still maintaining individuality can be harrowing.

    This is wonderfully done. Mine and Ours.
    Valentine Logar recently posted..Flash: TableclothMy Profile

    Reply
    • Being a couple necessarily means dropping some of the mines in order to create ours. It can be especially difficult when Mate is not aware. Mate’s mines are the ones most difficult to accommodate. It is hard to be shut out of the life you chose to share with another. Much love, xxx

      Reply
  2. This is an interesting post, I like the ‘Mine’ for instances, and we can all see these in children as they claim everything as their own 🙂 As for myself I am not interested in ‘Mine’, I am happy with less anyway so for me personally I have never felt that way inclined.

    Some of my friends are of the ‘Mine Syndrome’, though in saying so I guess that everyone knows this kind of person, the person that wants everything, those that need new gadgets or things and claim them as a trophy in the ‘This is Mine’ scenario, but for me I couldn’t care less.

    Have a lovely Tuesday Red 🙂

    Andro xxxx

    Reply
    • I am not particularly materialistic (except about my truck). What strikes me most are those whose mine refers to people. They attempt to manipulate others into doing their bidding and forbidding them to do for others of whom they disapprove. Shameful, really. And wasteful, but that is for another post. 🙂

      Reply
  3. benzeknees

     /  July 9, 2013

    This really made me think, thanks!

    Reply
    • Glad to see you and I could give you a think. This was an interesting series. 😉 xxx

      Reply
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