One of the most popular posts on The M3 Blog is a post where I had no energy to write at all. (Number three on the Most Loved list in the right sidebar.) Today, I have a similar feeling.
The FAB world is often an enigma to me. Despite whatever I learn, I am often confounded by the events which transpire on a daily basis. In this instance, I am not talking about war or pestilence or any other large scale disaster. Instead, I have an abiding inability to grasp something I see on a personal level nearly everyday.
Mine is a favorite word of toddlers once they begin to grasp the word means property and right to possession. In the diminutive humans, I find it perfectly plausible and easy to understand. Once teenagerdom arrives, I can still see the prerogative. By the time adulthood is attained, I cannot get there from here with a map, flashlight and seeing-eye-dog.
With children, mine is always about material things: toys, clothes, pets. Occasionally, mine refers to people, most often parents and grandparents, rarely siblings.
With teenagers, it is mostly about things. Their budding independence makes their mine refer away from people, instead covering territory (room) and identity-indicative hobbies.
Adults? Mine reverts back to the childish things while adding the trappings of “maturity”: house, collections, cars. In more rounded individuals, mine will mix hobbies with career. Once again, mine will begin to include people, both family and friends.
We use mine to draw our boundaries for personal space and to separate our identities from the people in our circles. Mine is a necessary concept to reveal ourselves to others.
Mine is destructive. It becomes a “landmine”. Instead of using our mine as a way to identify others who are similar, we use it to divide and denigrate.
Mate says, “You do not fit in with my friends.” Quaint says, “You do not enjoy my hobby.” Colleague says, “You do not need to worry about my contribution to the project.”
How are these destructive? They each undermine the teamwork necessary for successful relationships. Colleague is not a team player. Quaint does not want you on the team. Mate is playing on the team opposite you.
Just like the toddler who will not share the toy at day care, these adults are holding a part of their lives away from those who would contribute to their success and happiness if given the opportunity. Mine is screaming NO! to voluntary involvement.
It really is not difficult to share by simply taking the mines away from the boundaries. Letting people into our worlds, jobs and hearts does not make the territory less mine. It actually allows for others to contribute to it, improve it and make it a far less lonely place to be.
Why do we close out the ones who want most to be included? Can you dig up one mine?
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