Many people keep journals for this reason or another. So why would I write a letter to something I do not do?
Dear Journal,
There are days I really wish the denouement held hours instead of moments. On those days, I would script the happenings of the day in minor detail. No, I am not nearly arrogant enough to believe I shall never forget the mundane goings on. In the end, it is not the events I wish to remember.
While I do have media I can look back upon to recall some of my feelings, I do not associate them with the events which brought them to the fore. See, those are the connections I wish to remember. The events, not so much. The emotions they set ablaze, yes.
Moments from my childhood, beyond the times science claims are possible, are as concrete in my memory as what happened only a moment ago. With them come the itinerant feelings and emotions. They are not the mere memories of negative emotions, which we all know are far more indelible than the positive ones.
This is no mystery to me. We remember the negative so we can preserve ourselves from future situations which would cause them again. They are chemically etched in our flight or fight memories to help us stay alive.
Those happy memories are as powerful, but are far less memorable. They are simply swallowed into the vast morass of all other emotions we do not pin as terrible. So many times to fight for such finite space.
Yet, I digress. Would that I lived with an eidetic recorder where I could call the memories to linger in the moment and feel again. Sometimes, to savor. Sometimes, to learn better. Still others, to see all the parts I missed in my haste to reach another.
Mayhap, science will refine itself to the point I can activate them of my own accord. Alternatively, you are welcome to unfettered access to my life to record all you see.
What would your journal reveal to you?
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Enchanted Seashells, Confessions of a Tugboat Captain's Wife
/ February 4, 2015I fear my journal would reveal more than I would want to leave behind for my son to discover. That’s why I burned most of my diaries and journals that I had accumulated since I was 8. Sometimes it’s better not to shine a light…
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Red of M3
/ February 17, 2015I know mine would raise a few eyebrows and possibly give a number of people heart failure… or at least make them swoon. xxx
Valentine Logar
/ February 5, 2015You are dead to rights on this, I too would wish I could remember all the happy, joyful memories with the same clarity I can the painful. Like you I have more than enough pictures to remind me of the points in time even these though do not recall the emotional ‘feelings’.
Oddly, though I do keep a journal I do not record the ‘great’ so much as the ‘terrible’.
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Red of M3
/ February 17, 2015There is a journal you gave me I abandoned because it was a monument to crap I would rather forget. Recently, I have begun filling it with wonderful things. Thank you again. xxx
Tess
/ February 6, 2015I have kept a journal off and on for years to recollect memorable times, which I know I ‘d forget otherwise. The magic things my grandchildren have said or done. As well, I sometimes sort myself out when dealing with a problem. I like flipping through it but haven’t for years. Sometimes, I don’t recognize myself at all. <3
Red of M3
/ February 17, 2015I recently flipped through one and all I could think was… After all the changes in my life, am I really still just the same as I was then? The words could have been written this afternoon; they are that relevant and accurate. xxx