I’d Rather Think of Myself as a Sadist.

But in truth, I am a masochist. What other explanation could I have for my behavior?

Be careful what you ask.

letter to santa

For months, I asked Little V what she wanted for Christmas. Last year, she said the same thing from her letter to Santa in September until Christmas morning. It was a mantra of the one gift she wanted. Why did I think this year would be different? Hopefulness? Belief in positive thinking? Idiocy? I vote for the last one.

The Cajoling

Spelt similarly to caroling, this is a totally different serenade. The refrain is far different. Instead of exaltation of the birth of the Savior, this song is more a lament, an appeal if you will, but far closer to an outright beg. Despite the repetitions, the entire effort was wasted.

Bait and Switch

Perhaps, in the interim I could get her interested enough in anything else to abandon the first (and only) gift choice on her wish list. We toured toy aisles across three counties. Toy executives and marketers of the wide world, may your armpits be infested with the fleas of a thousand camels. Not a single toy would dissuade her from her path. (Surely there is a lesson in dedication, tenacity and resolve we should draw from this. Gah.)

The Voice of Reason

gregorian monks chant…may as well be chanting with the Gregorian Monks. One would think she would understand the brand of speaking in tongues I employed, as she is so versed in so many. Alas, to no avail. She was bound and determined, in every language.


If she would not listen to me, perhaps she would listen to someone else. Enter Bear… who left the conversation to research the best brands. There goes the chance of me ever denying her as my progeny. Enter Grandmomma. (Read Queen of No.) She would return with the upside of the whole affair. Egads! Satan needs a heater.

Mission Impossible

I would go on to explain the following impediments to her gift:

  1. There is no place to put it in the house.
  2. It would upset the dog.
  3. If you get it, I might need to take more Xanax start drinking.
  4. Entirely too much noise.
  5. Elves do not go to engineering school and cannot make such a gift.

Mayhap, you can argue with her retorts:

TAB cola

  1. You can just move a table. (craft table in the schoolroom)
  2. Cash a just go to outside.
  3. (Brings me a can of TAB)
  4. Just you to go in your room and to close the door.
  5. God brought one a Pastor Sam.

So, tell me. How do you argue with a seven-year-old, autistic child who has enough faith to believe God will provide? *Sigh*

You do not.

We expect the release of her first album about 1730.

budding artist


What gift did you give in to buying, even if it was against your better judgment? BTW, how do you argue with her comebacks?

© Red Dwyer 2011
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  1. I’m guessing my old standby of “you can have it when you have a job to pay for it” wouldn’t work with Little V, since chances are you’d soon be employing her so she could buy it for herself.

    • You are right about that. As it stands ow, she is banking her tooth fairy money, her money we use for school lessons and every coin she finds. *sigh* I have another one.

  2. Becky wanted to be a drummer.

    Her house was too small, so they completely redesigned and enlarged it so she now has her drum kit in the loft which has been rebuilt into a lovely room and a house to die for!!! 🙂

    Never underestimate the power of wanting!!! 🙂

    Love and squishy hugs!


    • Pren, I am pretty sure when we build the house, we will necessarily have a music room. Between my piano, keyboards and violin, Bear’s guitars, Little V’s drums and whatever instrument Little Bear may choose, we are going to need it.

      And before anyone gets excited…we have no intention of putting together a band.


  3. I would like to Wish you Happy Christmas and wonderful years ahead 🙂

    • Thank you so much for dropping in with Christmas tidings! I hope your holiday was a restful and wonderful one. Best wishes for the new year! Red.

  4. Nice! We have one of those drum sets…in the garage. Merry Christmas!

    • I think it would meet an even sooner demise if it was in Bear’s garage. *shudder*

      Merry Christmas, LS Bear!

  5. We gave in to getting laptops. I tell myself….they are off my computer and will use it for great things. We installed software to monitor what they do and to block them from sites. We’ll see if we have remorse about this decision later.

    • Just remember some of the tips from Keeping Your Child Unplugged. The machines are not evil, and giving you the space to do your work without the necessary interruption from homework and research is a good thing.

      We are not too far from needing another LT for the littlest ones, as I spend a couple hours each day with them doing school work on my puter. They can be very powerful and valuable education resources, so long as Grand Theft Auto is not the lesson of the day.

  6. Red, for next Christmas season, remember this mantra;

    ” you can get ( _____ ) if I get a raise”.

    That might be never, who knows “:) The beauty of it is, it’s indefinite and imposes an open-ended waiting period…”:) That waiting period is like another 6 degrees of separation from having to buy something.

    Meantime, kicking in on the laptop discussion,,,,,,, yes, great idea, ‘notebooks’ the mini-version are even better because they’re tiny, cost less, and still do most of that ‘stuff’. We just got a 10.5″ Acer, it’s as good as the 15.5″ screen anytime if tired eyes don’t give out “:))

  7. Got a LT, very handy, we got a 10.5″ Acer notebook, even handier!
    For next Christmas,remember this official mantra:

    ‘You can get ( _________) when I get a BIG raise.”

    This approach is genius in it’s devious simplicity, it provides subjectivity, relativity, another 6 degrees of separation and an indefinite time period between discussions of getting something and actually having to shell out to get one . “:)

  8. awarewriter

     /  December 26, 2011

    I don’t know how I would deal with the plugged in all the time gifts. Our girls wanted bikes, roller skates, barbies and ‘normal’ toys. I do not understand why people feel the need to be ‘connected’ 24/7.

    Emily has taken up the clarinet. She’s the only one of the granddaughters interested in playing music (so far). My brother Michael was a drummer and a damn good one. His first set took up most of a room.

    Me? My instrument of choice has always been the chromatic harmonica. I keep them in a drawer and can carry one or more around in my pockets. Too bad I haven’t played much in the past few years.


    • I think our family will be revisiting the amount of music we play. There were some immediate ground rules of school work and room cleaning before drums. One day down, so far so good. Skates may be in our birthday future. Not because the children want them, but because I do. *Grins*

  9. My husband would say I’m the queen of buying things I should have thought better of. My nerf dart guns for Christmas were a big hit – till someone got hurt. . . This year I went against my own policy (call it religious beliefs if you will). I bought my boys an OSU keychain that has a “lucky” penny in it. I don’t believe in luck and don’t promote it – well, just this one time. Today I learned how to make air cannons. I’m going to work on my design this year and next year – air, not darts – until someone gets hurt. I feel your pain with the daughter!!!!

    • The Nerf guns were a hit nationwide. I know a family with four (mostly) grown boys who spent plenty time nerfing one another between the raindrops. Air cannons are the best! And the battle scars will heal and be memories for next year 😉

  10. bear

     /  December 26, 2011

    Do you not remember what song I’m going to teach little bear? By the way the lyrics we discussed, YOU were wrong lol. Here’s one: Never buy a teenager a camcorder. Things may end up on you tube with a million hits, I with the red face found out the hard way, but payback was so much fun, I got a million five hits. I beleive that’s why today that son doesn’t speak to me!!!! Little V will soon tire of the drums or the batteries will die and the battery fairy will get hit by a car. But the real drum kit is coming if she sticks with it. And I will purchase a noise canceling head set for Red. And the way I deal with comebacks from the children is simply say ok go ask Momma. LOL Bear

    • Of course you do. Otherwise they get you to say yes. I think the headphones should have come with the machine… I want a million five hits…*Grins*

      PS I posted the video with the lyrics on the post where you told me which song…You figure it out and argue with the band 😉


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