In a week where I was truly under the impression nothing controversial posted on M3, you can imagine my surprise when the stupidest inbox in the blogosphere blew up…crammed full of the loonies we have come to serve, fricasseed, on Friday Follies. Put your drink down out of reach. Let’s open the box.
There is one post I thought may generate some hatemail. Some is the word which is really
misplaced an underestimate stinking wrong.
Are You Talking To Me?
Apparently, when I wrote Epitome of Incompetence?, there was an extra script running on the page which personalized a greeting to whoever may have been reading the post. If not, someone rerouted the wrongful termination complaint office email to the stupidest inbox in the blogosphere for grins.
Care for a sampling of excerpts? (The names have been changed only of the alleged perpetrators.)
Im not lazy. Its not my fault I am so fast I am finished before the boss walks around everyday. If Im done I shouldnt have to do anything else until it is time to go home.” ~Rob, New Jersey
Oh, I would think soaking up payroll instead of going home is going to tick off the guy with no neck and hairy thumbs. What say?
If we [did it] another way, we could probably do it faster and cheaper. I’m not saying a word cause I do not want to work myself out of a job.” ~ Jeanne, Arkansas
Oh, definitely, do not save the company money. High overhead is the way every business should go bankrupt. So, I have to ask…How is the payroll from a bankrupt company? Are the benefits better?
I should have never gotten fired. If it werent for that worthless [Colleague] I would still be at my job. She never brought me the reports I needed, so my stuff was always late. [Boss] should have fired her for not giving me the things I needed to do my work instead of me. Its not my fault I had nothing to do.” ~ Kristy, Texas
I am certain Boss was taking into account Colleague was his 22-year employee with an exemplary record. No doubt he was watching you on the CC camera to see she was intentionally sabotaging your career to make herself look better. What color did you paint your nails?
I’m certainly not lazy. The boss just couldn’t wrap his pea brain around the fact that I am a natural manager. I delegate all my tasks to make the job run more efficiently. Why should I do the work when I can make someone else do it? She should have promoted me, not canned me.” ~Angel, California
By all means, delegate. Those other employees do not have anything better to do…like their own jobs.
Sometimes, I think I should check my sense of humor at the door. I realize it is dry, even by British standards, but there are some people who frankly cannot be subtle enough to understand it. Take Gene for example.
Never once have I claimed to be any good at haiku. When it came to Haiku Hijinx, my natural thought process would have imagined hatemailers who were haiku purists telling me I had the meter backwards or my cadence was bad or some such. This is what I get for thinking.
Gene hatemails from the left coast (right on the California-Oregon line) to blast me for my sense of humor. Overall, I think I came away from the experience of the poem in pretty light spirits. Let’s let Gene tell his complaint:
Supermarkets have the best technology anywhere. The system has been around for decades and needs no refinement. It is people like you who make grocery selling a nightmare. You fill your cart with hundreds of dollars of merchandise and then scan an empty EBT card expecting the store to do something. It is not the store’s fault you cannot balance a checkbook.”
Is it wrong of me to have needed a potty break at the end of his email? I came back and whipped up a response in seconds…before I could mash the send button, I had another thought…and then another. Let’s get interactive.
You know, I been explaining to my case worker their system is all broken because it never says I have as much money as I am supposed to get. I mean honestly? How can anyone buy groceries only four times a month and run out of $264? It’s not like I buy steak and shrimp every week or anything. Either the food stamp computer cannot add or the grocery store is ripping me off.
I feel quite certain where you live technology has advanced beyond the point where my little ghost town has. For example, when was the last time you went to a store where the system needed a dial up connection? Have you ever seen a cart that small in a grocery store? (There is nothing super about the market.)
Then, again, you are likely a technology purist, believing the first is always the best. Tell me, did you stock up on beta tapes? I hear transferring the BluRay to beta really helps retain the sound. Why mess with a good thing? Shame you cannot transfer all the MP3s to 8-track. I am sure you could seriously jam with your factory speakers.
I will have you know I do not bounce checks or overdraw my bank account. The only time I hear about NSF fees going up is when my friends complain about it. All of the ones I have had were refunded.
As to your stellar grocery technology and service, I would like to intimately acquaint you with the $84.00 cantaloupe which made its way into my shopping bags. You may need a stool to put one foot on, for comfort.
I hope your week has been free of incompetence and hatemail. Thank you for joining me for this week’s edition of the Friday Follies from the stupidest inbox in the blogosphere. Have a wonderful Mother’s Day weekend!
So, what shall we send to Gene?
(c) Ann Marie Dwyer 2012
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