Oh, Facebook!


fb bannerThis needs no further introduction, but may well draw comments of flame and support in equal measure. If you find this close to your heart, this is an official beg for five stars and posting to Facebook…or any other social media.

The Lament of Social Media Addicts

Facebook logo

Join! Join! Join!

Oh, Facebook,
our story is long.
In the beginning,
You employed many,
My family and friends,
All of my colleagues,
Strangers and suitors,
A dreaded spam bot.

Invitations poured in
From around the globe.
“Meet me on Facebook!”
They all cajoled.
social_myspace_button_blueGames and apps,
Photos and friends,
Better than MySpace,
Reply on the spot!

After months of begging,
Nagging and whining,
Wheedling, needling,
And even extortion,
I clicked on the button,
Built my profile,
Uploaded some pictures,
Sat back to explore.

zynga_logoSo many friend reqs,
The gaming invites,
More apps to download.
News feeds and stories,
The Zynga lotto balls.
Farming and cooking,
Sororities and pets,
Treasures and more.

Over following months,
I found my way
Through all the threads,
The apps and the games.
I wrote on the walls,
Graffitied my own.
Made notes and I learned
How to poke and to tag.

Red has not received your last poke.

Red has not received your last poke.

But then you abandoned
The face read like a book.
You were under fire
To adopt a new look.
Under pressure from others
You changed what I knew
To something which made
My social mood sag.

Again with the begging
My friends bargained,
“Just try it with me,
You’ll like it, you’ll see,
Just you wait. You’ll see.”
Dr. Seuss nightmares,
Flashbacks galore,
I flexed my patience
And I learned to cope.

googleThen Google the mighty
Came to social media
With a loud roar.
Again, Facebook quaked
In Zuckerburg boots.
“New gimmicks and
Newsfeeds! C’mon geeks,
Gimme market share hope!”

Again, in the face of the new,
The better, the Plus,
You forced down my throat
“Improvements” of a
Diabolical sort.
And now what to my wondering
Eyes should appear?
The Timeline: For all

English: Google plus one

Image via Wikipedia

To map my existence
From birth to the now.
I lived without it?
Oh, tell me how.
On display for the world
Or just friends of friends,
Documenting my prowess
Right there on my wall.

“The improvements are great!
Just try them and see,
Look at the legend
They made out of me!”
So, I put on my red stripe
And loaded my cover.
Reset my privates,
For one, not the other.

Was it grand?
Did I smile?
Did it make me swoon?
Oh, where do I start?
Bigger frames where my
Photos would no longer fit.
Chronology, my foot.
Where’s the shot of Mother?

English: Blackberry Torch 1 Español: Blackberr...

Mobile is better??

Nested posts hidden from view.
Notifications to no where
And messages galore.
Easier to find on my
BlackBerry! …It’s true.
Oh, the data I waste on
My tele…sitting squarely
In front of my screen.

My family is missing
Sucked from my wall.
See what I like?
Shame, I cannot.
Oh, the pokes I can see,
But my poker is broken.
To groups I’m conscripted.
My calendar’s obscene.

Who’s driving this circus?
I know for sure.
My wall’s not my own
And finally I’m through
With Facebook “improvements”
And pokes on my phone.
Bots randomizing
What it “thinks” I should see.

Facebook logo

No more.

I suffered enough.
Dizzy from the ride,
Stop the feed.
I want to get off.
Hey, Mark, you, twit.
Facebook forgot
THE biggest rule:
Media begins with ME.

English: Tweeting bird, derived from the initi...


If you found it funny or shamefully true,
Send it to friends as I sent it to you!

Have a great weekend!

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© Red Dwyer 2011-2012
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  1. Tweeted, shared …. what else is there to do?

    • It is so rare I am moved to verse in a fit of …well, insert appropriate emotion. Just lucky it is in English 😉

  2. Know the feeling well – everybody who wants me on Faeces book can’t be bothered to read my blog…

    Love and hugs!


    • ROFL! I know about that! I am fortunate a good number of my people from FB actually do read the blog and many of them share my posts on their walls for others to read. Even my friends who know I no longer play most of the Zynga games from the old days.


    • So true, but I’m supposed to read and comment about them wishing it wasn’t Monday and how they had to get gas in the rain today.

  3. Red, I walked away from Facebook many Moons ago, and have never looked back. Every now and then, I’ll click a link that will take me to a Facebook page and I just click on the back button and have no more to do with it. It was ridiculous, to be honest with you, I was friends with people I didn’t know, and people who didn’t like me wanted to be my friend… and they kept changing things as you mentioned in your post above!
    It’s mighty fine in the ex-facebooker’s club! 😀

    • I keep FB around for the many, many IRL people who have little other means of being social with me since I live four miles past the point where all hope is lost. It does keep me better connected to other parents with autistic children and a few authors who have featured me or my work.

      I have long given up the Zynga games and the millions who wanted to me in their mafias. And other than the occasional poke war and an all-day sucker, I am not there with any striking regularity except for the philosophy group which sheds light into the insipid myopia plaguing so many.

      The platform is atrocious. This is a poem which could have so many sequels. Red.

  4. One of your best posts ever.

    • Thank you! I said earlier I am not often moved to verse, but this one just flowed onto the paper that way! Good to see you, Alex 😉

  5. Many of my peeps on FB don’t read half the comment or a link I post there. As for read my Blog ROFLMAO!!! Love this post 😀

  6. Reblogged this on Wrapcloth Writings and commented:
    Nice one Red 😉

  7. Perfect. You said it all. I’m not there often. Mostly when prodded but don’t find it that temping. You’re right about the friends of friends being my friends. Didn’t it used to be that only the people you invited would be your friends. I gave up some time ago.

    • Yes. I liked it better when you had to know the person’s email address to be able to be friends.

  8. Great post, Red! But, will you be plopping some money down on a can’t miss, 10x investment return IPO issue? Anyone with 10K $$ to spare at the moment would be silly not to buy into Facebook’s IPO offering – it will be larger than Microsoft!! Easy money, for those who can manage to get some stocks!

    • My investment broker would ask to take my temperature if I even intimated buying stock in a .com ATM.

  9. A very nice poem Red
    as for FB… I couldn’t be
    bothered with it…

    Have a wicked evening 😉

    Androgoth XXx

    • There are quite a few members of the blogosphere who hold the exact opinion. 😉 And you as well, my friend! Red.

  10. Fun fun fun. Well I don’t have such strong opinions about Facebook, but I just keep expecting it to be far more interesting to me than in fact it is. What I like are my Facebook groups. Lovely people. Other than my groups, Facebook is just not as entertaining as Twitter, LinkedIn and my friends’ blogs.

    The other day I was accosted by a message from a “Friend.” The only thing that makes him so is that I accepted his friend request one day because we happen to be connected to many of the same people. And now suddenly he wanted me to listen to a live call and watch a video and evaluate an “opportunity.” This was our first conversation of any kind.

    Might be a great topic for one of your poems, Red! In fact, maybe we should all tell you our weird Facebook tales and you can develop an entire anthology!

    • ROFL!!! I could do that. After more than two dozen stalkers, three Nigerians who needed money to come back to the US and a handful of “opportunists”, I am pretty sure I could! I think it would make a marvelous anthology! 😉 Hope you like tonight’s SEP! Red.


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