All Fake

And the award goes to...

In case you missed it, M3 awarded 29 blogs one of the following four awards: Versatile Blogger, Liebster, Candle Lighter, Sunshine. Blogs ranged from inspirational to hilarious to eclectic. Each one of them touches your host, but touched someone else completely differently …or not at all.

Karla hails and hatemails from Finland. She had a bone to pick with me about the awards handed out in Gold Stars. She is certain there is nothing in M3 which has any value, much less enough to have garnered the awards found in the Trophy Room.

But she was not satisfied M3 was the only fake in the mix:

None of those blogs have anything in them. They are all blocked. Of course you are giving the fake awards to pepole who invite you to their blogs but don’t let anybody else in. They are probably all porn sites.”

She went on to rail about bloggers giving each other awards, but questioned what bloggers would know about quality blogging. (Feel free to scratch your head. I did.)

Because I am hateful like that…

It is bad for you, you know.

I summoned all the power of Google. Low and behold, Karla is a blogger, albeit quite a lonely one. She blogs to her four followers about cats. And the avatars of her followers? You guessed it, her cats.

I sweetly emailed her back:

Perhaps, I could suggest a mask when you clean your litter box. I understand the fumes are toxic and could cause antisocial behavior in humans.”


That’s my line!

Some of you have been following along in Story Time, where I have been creating the workable pieces of what will eventually be fleshed into a book. The story (which still needs a title, hint, hint) is being constructed according to an outline I have scrawled on the back of a page in my folder beside my laptop.

Despite its complete lack of planning, it appears it resembles an unpublished work in the possession of a Nova Scotian. Patrick hatemailed me irate and demanded how I got the manuscript from his now defunct Dell desktop computer.

I dont know how you got it off there cuz it hasnt worked in two years. It got some virus and would not work. It was prolly you sneding your worm to steal my story. I know you changed all the names and nobody was in love in my story but I know you stole it.”

He went on to explain how much better his version of the story is because it has aliens and zombies. Now, I have gone back and read everything I have written thus far to see if there is any plausible way the two could be mistaken as vaguely similar. Alas, I could not. I cheerily replied:

I decided it was far better to have people in love, after all they are not aliens, but abductees. I think I may have to take you up on the idea of the zombies, however, as I see a perfect place to inject an undead deputy in Sheriff Strickland’s command. Meanwhile, could I point you to one of the many self-publishing platforms?”


You’re a slut.

In a post I likened to the millions of get to know your friends posts on MySpace, Facebook, Google+ and every other social network, I took Raven’s tag to answer ten questions about myself. I went over the list very carefully before I clicked the publish button, as I am wont to do.

The North Dakotan who was outraged about this post makes a return trip to Friday Follies. Remember Elaine? She is back in the hatemail box, but this time it is all about me.

I seen what you do now. You advice all those womens to get divorced so you can wear your slut shoes with there husbands.”

You know I did not miss an opportunity to discourse with what has to be a true fan:

Dearest Elaine,

The Red Educational Shoe Award

Thank you for your email about the blog. You may have forgotten from my last email, but I do not give advice to individuals. I write blog posts about the possibilities and opportunities of marriage and divorce.

And just so you know, I do not wear “slut shoes”. But just because you emailed me again, I am awarding you the Educational Shoe award. It is designed using a pair of my own, very sensible shoes. Feel free to print it and hang it beside your computer as a token of M3’s esteem.

Keep reading!

PS Did you forget to send me that information on feces as a marital aid?”


I hope your week has been free of the stupid emails which produce the Friday Follies! Have a great weekend!

(c) Ann Marie Dwyer 2012
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