This needs no further introduction, but may well draw comments of flame and support in equal measure. If you find this close to your heart, this is an official beg for five stars and posting to Facebook…or any other social media.
The Lament of Social Media Addicts
Join! Join! Join!
Oh, Facebook,
our story is long.
In the beginning,
You employed many,
My family and friends,
All of my colleagues,
Strangers and suitors,
A dreaded spam bot.
Invitations poured in
From around the globe.
“Meet me on Facebook!”
They all cajoled.
Games and apps,
Photos and friends,
Better than MySpace,
Reply on the spot!
After months of begging,
Nagging and whining,
Wheedling, needling,
And even extortion,
I clicked on the button,
Built my profile,
Uploaded some pictures,
Sat back to explore.
So many friend reqs,
The gaming invites,
More apps to download.
News feeds and stories,
The Zynga lotto balls.
Farming and cooking,
Sororities and pets,
Treasures and more.
Over following months,
I found my way
Through all the threads,
The apps and the games.
I wrote on the walls,
Graffitied my own.
Made notes and I learned
How to poke and to tag.
Red has not received your last poke.
But then you abandoned
The face read like a book.
You were under fire
To adopt a new look.
Under pressure from others
You changed what I knew
To something which made
My social mood sag.
Again with the begging
My friends bargained,
“Just try it with me,
You’ll like it, you’ll see,
Just you wait. You’ll see.”
Dr. Seuss nightmares,
Flashbacks galore,
I flexed my patience
And I learned to cope.
Then Google the mighty
Came to social media
With a loud roar.
Again, Facebook quaked
In Zuckerburg boots.
“New gimmicks and
Newsfeeds! C’mon geeks,
Gimme market share hope!”
Again, in the face of the new,
The better, the Plus,
You forced down my throat
“Improvements” of a
Diabolical sort.
And now what to my wondering
Eyes should appear?
The Timeline: For all
Image via Wikipedia
To map my existence
From birth to the now.
I lived without it?
Oh, tell me how.
On display for the world
Or just friends of friends,
Documenting my prowess
Right there on my wall.
“The improvements are great!
Just try them and see,
Look at the legend
They made out of me!”
So, I put on my red stripe
And loaded my cover.
Reset my privates,
For one, not the other.
Was it grand?
Did I smile?
Did it make me swoon?
Oh, where do I start?
Bigger frames where my
Photos would no longer fit.
Chronology, my foot.
Where’s the shot of Mother?
Mobile is better??
Nested posts hidden from view.
Notifications to no where
And messages galore.
Easier to find on my
BlackBerry! …It’s true.
Oh, the data I waste on
My tele…sitting squarely
In front of my screen.
My family is missing
Sucked from my wall.
See what I like?
Shame, I cannot.
Oh, the pokes I can see,
But my poker is broken.
To groups I’m conscripted.
My calendar’s obscene.
Who’s driving this circus?
I know for sure.
My wall’s not my own
And finally I’m through
With Facebook “improvements”
And pokes on my phone.
Bots randomizing
What it “thinks” I should see.
No more.
I suffered enough.
Dizzy from the ride,
Stop the feed.
I want to get off.
Hey, Mark, you, twit.
Facebook forgot
THE biggest rule:
Media begins with ME.
030220121712
If you found it funny or shamefully true,
Send it to friends as I sent it to you!
Have a great weekend!
Ahmnodt Heare
/ February 5, 2012I am in the minority that likes the timeline. But like everybody else, I don’t like change that isn’t necessary. Before they change anything else, they should fix the glitches.
Red
/ February 5, 2012There are many who like it. For those of us who engage a lot of people on our own walls, instead of on the home page, the timeline is a nightmare. I use mine to network and the filing system leaves a lot to be desired. Glad it works for you though. Are you using your personal wall to campaign for President?
bear
/ February 5, 2012I am waiting to down load m/w this won’t take long, will it? HEY?! Where’s all my stuff. I’m like a junkie waiting for his next fix. What’s next?
Red
/ February 5, 2012Hello. My name is Red. I am an addict. I have been Mafia Wars free for seven months….
lorrelee1970
/ February 11, 2012Loved this post. My Facebook page is still open, but I rarely go on it.
Red
/ February 11, 2012Feel free to share it with your abandoned page. 😉
lorrelee1970
/ February 11, 2012At least they would have company, right?
Red
/ February 11, 2012You could give the appearance of being social, while really, truly thumbing your nose at the entire affair. *Wicked Grin*
ansuyo
/ February 12, 2012I love seeing family and old friends (and new) on facebook. I don’t add people I don’t know (except a few writers in my groups). I hate that I miss posts I want to see because they decide who and what gets through. I keep checking my profile for the stupid timeline, but it’s not there yet. The one’s I’ve seen I do not like at all though. I wish we could do a mass walkout. Pick a day when no one would use facebook as a protest. I wonder if they would listen? 🙂
Red
/ February 12, 2012I doubt it. There were some 1.2 million of us who did a blackout on FB last fall. Nothing sways them from what they want to do. They are not in it for the users. They are in it for the corporations who buy the ads and the ones who mine our information.
Tony McGurk
/ February 14, 2012Great post & very well written. I recently re-joined FB mainly because my kids who live far away are on it & other family members & close personal friemds who are FB addicts & aren’t the slightest bit interested in my blog. I only re-joined 2 days ago & I’ve already had several friend req’s from a few total strangers who I just reject with a polite “Family & close friends Only” explanation. For me it’s a keep in touch tool, nothing more. Definitely can’t be bothered with all the games, quizzes etc…
Red
/ February 14, 2012Welcome to the asylum, Tony! Please run by the Green Room and leave a link to you blog. There are a lot of the inmates who would get a kick out of your cartoons! Red.
Tony McGurk
/ February 14, 2012OK Been to the green room & left a link. That;s a great idea instead of a regular sidebar blogroll. I might instigate that myself.
Red
/ February 14, 2012I like it so much better because authors get a chance to get to know one another and let readers know what they are going to get…
skbeal
/ February 20, 2012Brilliant! Loved it, and couldn’t agree more! Shared it on FB and LinkedIn. Also Tweeted it and posted it to Google +
Red
/ February 20, 2012Thanks, Sus! This is one of my most popular. You can imagine why!
shoreacres
/ February 25, 2012Red, thanks so much for pointing me this way. The poem is great, and there’s no relief in the world like the relief of realizing one isn’t alone!
I was glad to note the comment about the Green Room, too. I just scanned it and found a number of folks whose places seem worth visiting. The concept is great – much better than a sidebar blogroll.
Red
/ February 25, 2012I am trying to reform the blogosphere from the initial though blogrolling is the best way. Blogs get a bad (spam site) name for having too many links on the front page. It is why I advocate the Green Room instead. I look forward to your link appearing there soon!
Glad you stopped by and…NO, you are not alone 😉
Red.
Christy Birmingham
/ March 25, 2012Oh that Facebook! Google+ is taking over 🙂
Red
/ March 25, 2012It is such a nicer place to be!