Housework for the Idle Bloke

The old concept of a woman’s place is in the home has long gone for the modern day female and this study gives a short outline of how to get the narrow-minded male into the knack of doing household chores without tearing your hair out in the process.

vacuumThe first step for the female is to entice her man gently into some washing up duties; this can be just a few plates after lunch or perhaps try throwing him in at the deep end, after a party for instance. The average bloke will automatically raise his ‘I Hate Housework Shield’, which is fine if you are prepared to do all the work yourself?

However, this lesson is a crucial starting point and if necessary, force should be adhered to reach the best results. Bedtime treats are definitely out until your man is sufficiently domesticated or at least has shown some initial progress on the basics, of course if you are in the mood for a long sex session yourself then this is acceptable, but do not let him think it is a housework good boy treat otherwise he will expect to get some you know what every time he empties the bin, buys you some flowers or makes you that seldom cup of tea.

Teaching your man the complex skills of vacuuming can be rather tricky as he would rather just sit and moan while you do this around his feet. Confiscate his daily paper and his favorite magazine; no, not the girlie pornographic ones that he has stashed in his underpants and socks drawer thinking that you know nothing about them.

Mopping the Floors can be a nice trial period for him but if he starts moaning feel free to add the toilet cleaning duties, which should control his filthy habit of missing the target after a few beers. Basic chores are best developed with a steady learning curve incorporated so as not to complicate his uninspiring thinking abilities, remember he is not used to being disciplined in this manner and can be prone to sulking if he does not get his own way on things.

After a period of around three to four weeks his housework proficiency should be earning him some treats but as before, do not give in on the sex related pleasures unless you are in a passionate mood.

By now you should be enjoying the idea of your man taking part in everyday chores around the house, like washing the floors, taking the dog out, making the bed, doing all the vacuuming and generally kissing your feet for sexual favors. He will be less inclined to make a mess around the house now and this will enhance all of your other pleasures, providing that he has the energy left to satisfy you. Even his foreplay and lovemaking skills will vastly improve, well you can dream anyway. Okay, so apart from the obvious it has been a really excellent study, one tip though, if he does get out of line, use the ‘Sting Method’, which is just a mousetrap attached to his…

Just a touch of levity in a wild week! Talk back for tonight’s guest poster, Gray!

Hashtags: #humor #marriage #sex

© Red Dwyer 2013
Original blog post © Gray Dawster 2013
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  1. I have always believed when I contribute to a relationship, financially or in a functional way which supports the financial health of a household, I am an equal partner. I have always been head of household, not always in the traditional sense of garnering the paycheck (though I have), but through business dealings, making spot decisions, and financial planning. I have always assumed responsibility for myself, which leads to cooperative living. However, it takes a partner who also claims responsibility for themselves to create an egalitarian union.

    Housework takes on a new meaning when you shine the light on the responsibilities which any partner takes on when they are not the wage earner. Better we should all have housekeepers and people be available to nurture each other and the children whether working for pay or not, with less energy spent on repetitive and meaningless chores.
    Gail Thornton recently posted..An Interview with Red Dwyer, Author of Taming the Terrible TwosMy Profile

    • Gray Dawster

       /  March 2, 2013

      I agree with you entirely Gail, household chores should always be a combined effort not allocating any specific chore to one partner or the other, in essence the job-to-do list has to be something that is automatic regardless of whom does whatever.

      I have always lived by the idea that when it comes down to mundane tasks that they are just that, something that has to be done in order to keep a clean and liveable environment, for instance I can quite easily do the washing, ironing, hovering and anything else that needs doing around the home and it never enters my mind who should do it, if it is pending then that is all I need to know and who cares which partner acts upon it, after all it is all part of a combined effort and there should not be labels and genders attached.

      Thank you for your wonderful thoughts on this one Gail its funny I only added this guest post as light entertainment and of course to help Red out on her very busy schedule and now we have a forum, of course I don’t mind adding my own thoughts as it is a healthy subject matter that I believe all members of a household should participate in, so again I thank you for your fine contribution.

      Gray Dawster

      • The best writing always leads to in depth discussion. Great discussion always leads in a new direction from the writing. Always.

    • I have never been one to say this is yours (with the sole exception of the litter box… just eww), but more about the team effort. I would prefer to help do anything than have “yours” and “mine” anything. xxx

  2. you told your personal life i merely stated a fact people can say and make others believe they are writers when as you know it is not true its some long years now since your father died your partner works yes and keeps you well my knowledge is that you trawl the internet into early hours and sleep all day i know as i have had text from you saying so a writer writes maybe into the night you sleep day time and like i said on the net all night and i did not want to say as much as i did but you are a preditor to women on here that nice act is very unerving you got to know me from wls and i was very venerable i feel sorry and sad for your partner as she does not know she just wonders why you changed into goth clothes and now puts up with it while you pretend to be something your not she works feeds you i clothed you and the poor lady knows nothing about what your up too but i do now that ive seen through my haze you need to get a job and stop stalking the net that way you will be a better man
    jennygoth recently posted..Freshly Pressed: Friday FavesMy Profile

    • Gray Dawster

       /  March 2, 2013

      Red does some really great work in her M3 and Redmund Productions Spaces I can agree with you on that but it saddens me that you felt it necessary to call back here and write such heartbreaking things about me, I can’t believe that you and I lit candles in church, held hands and shared tears for our parents that have passed from this life to the next and touched upon the sweet memories of them.

      I am not a predator of any kind and you know it, indeed a predator is someone who stalks and grooms the defenceless, someone that is sick and twisted to the core and if you think that of me then I do not know who you are for I am none of that.

      Yes I did shut down my Spaces under duress but that wasn’t good enough and instead you follow me from place to place adding slights against me, but what you are openly doing to me is wrong, sufficed to say that whatever else you add I am sure that anyone that reads it can judge for themselves.

      I came to WP to write and to make friends and I did that, I had a wonderful reader base that stretched far and wide before I was forced to shut it down, good honest people that shared their thoughts on my writing, the reinvention to my art work through encouraging words from far better artists than what I could ever be and requests from others to offer more of the many pictures and graphics that I added, not pornographic as you suggested but artistic or added as part of a script, usually of a jovial nature, tongue-in-cheek naughtiness but nothing offensive. I know from the many emails that I receive that I am missed around WP and I don’t say that to blow my own trumpet it is a fact.

      You have painted a very dark and depressing picture of me here but there can be no positivity gleaned from it, though as you have added your thoughts about me so let it be for others to decide for themselves. It is ironic that who I am today reflects heavily upon what I love about you and your genuine Gothic nature, I can never be Gothic in the sense that you truly are Jen but then I am just me being the best that I can.

  3. i apologize red you do great work here im not a bad person just been a foolish one that is why the internet is not a place to meet people especially when in a vunerable state i tried to say it discreetly that is why geoff steward closed three sites he knows im telling the truth again im sorry but not sorry for warning other women xjen
    jennygoth recently posted..Freshly Pressed: Friday FavesMy Profile

    • Perhaps the part which I will never understand is the reason to vent such things publicly. I have never understood it. I do not judge those who come to my space as each brings with them a different life story. The behavior expounded in the last two comments are matters for closed conversation as the situation described is one of personal choice. Whatever arrangement is between partners or friends is a mutual agreement of which I have no right to judge. I may only apply what standards I have to my own behavior and cannot impose those on others.

      I can venture no opinion as to why anyone closes a space. In this case, I have no input as to why as none was afforded me. To be frank, it is not my concern why anyone closes a blog unless they choose to confide in me. I am unsure what one situation has to do with the other.

      What I offer to you both is peace. It is obvious from the back and forth here you were both hurt in whatever transaction was between you. I sincerely hope time and distance bring the healing soon. My disheartening at the situation pales in comparison to both of yours.

  4. im sorry red i will not be calling again as like you say it should not be public i will find peace but whoever he decides to disrupt their life through the net again is not my business any more when someone has a partner who feeds and takes care of them and is in the dark about what he does on the net i threatened to tell her thats why the spaces were closed but women now will have to take care of themselves i have tried to heed the warning

  5. First, wonderfully funny writing. Applicable in so many cases! Though more likely to bring on a case of blue….oh never mind. I suspect those men who have an unnatural defense against housework gained this from mothers who simply raised them to believe they could do no wrong.

    As to the back and forth, I am dismayed by anyone who would stalk another only to do harm. How small and petty (sorry Red).

    • Likely. The ones I have encountered all fit that bill.

      As to the other, I have stated I do not understand. As always…

  6. Let me zoom in on the housework sharing aspect of this post. Thirty years or so ago, my ex-husband had a friend who had remarrried and had a HUGE secret. He’d confessed he helped his (2nd) wife with the housework but, for the love of all that was holy, he didn’t want his factor co-workersto get wind of it. He was proud of himself but no way wanted the world to know. Still, his wife, who also worked, must have felt relief from the internal HELP.
    Tess Kann recently posted..Sunday Snippets – Blog Hop #6My Profile

    • I will never understand that testosterone-clogged, alleged thinking. If he had helped a buddy, a neighbor or an elderly person, he would have told everyone. What does that say about us as a society?

  7. There was no doubt in my mind who authored this magnificant posting. I could smell the wickedness from a mile away.
    I think the man helping out will definately give the woman more time and interest in sex. Of course, it makes more sense to use that time with her lover, while her man takes care of things at home. (Just kidding?)

  8. Rebecca

     /  July 10, 2013

    Great ideas! I got my bloke to pick up on a few and now he’s realized how much there is always to do!

  9. sexwithinmarriage

     /  August 29, 2013

    The research shows that marriages where the husband contributes as much to the housework as the wife have a much higher divorce rate.

    Likewise, divorces in the USA climbed to unprecedented highs after women joined the workforce.

    I’m not sure what to make of that data yet. Any thoughts?

    • I do. American conditioning that men are above doing anything which resembles self-care to include the cleanliness of his own domain, for the first comment. If you are referring to what is recognized as the feminist movement of the 1960s as when women entered the workforce for your second comment, I can only give you timeline statistics because your reasoning is flawed. The timing coincides with the introduction of no-fault divorce. Women no longer had to prove their husbands were cheating to get a divorce.

      Prior to the ’60s, women only had adultery (a religious concept) and drunkenness as an avenue for divorce (a state matter). Laws against domestic violence were being introduced, and the religious concept of men’s right to beat their wives as discipline (or hobby) was prohibited. Women in the workforce began hundreds of years before the feminist movement. I doubt you can correlate the rise in divorce statistics in any year to the number of women in the workforce other than anecdotally. The two have no correlation other than as rhetoric spewed by political churches.

    • Research shows nothing of the kind. Whenever someone claims ‘research’ which supports views of this nature, my first response is Sources Please, I can generally be assured that research will be biased, poorly documented, poorly conducted and easily debunked.

      Research shows couples who share equally in all of the burdens of the household, including child rearing, budgeting, bill paying, cleaning, cooking, maintenance and upkeep are by far happier, more open and likely to maintain their marriage. This is not to say each must do 50% of all tasks all of the time. What it does say, each must make every effot to participate, do their share and ensure all that is necessary is completed and each is not left with the burden of picking up the slack of the other. It says neither is left feeling like a servant, unequally yoked based on gender or antiquidated theological or sociological views of capacity or capabilities.

      Women have been in the workforce, supporting households and families for thousands of years. The idea of this being somehow a new thing is astounding, it is not. Women were in the workforce in the times of Christ and before, women owned businesses, property and farms. Women were in the workforce during every great war, of every great nation including this one. Women often were on the front lines of those wars in fact. Women have ruled nations. There has never been a nation or a time where women have not been in the workforce, it is only in this nation we have a skewed vision of what women were doing in that workforce and their contributions to the success of this nation.

      The difference today from 50 years ago? Well it is as Red has said, the difference is in the rules of divorce. No longer does a woman need permission to leave her husband or ‘proof’ of Adultry or Drunkness to obtain a divorce. No longer does a man have the Theological and Legal right to beat his wife to a bloody pulp and then rape her in the same night, these acts are both illegal and grounds for divorce. No longer does a wife have to fear abject poverty (much) if she does leave her rotten and miserable spouse, now she might be able to maintain half the marital property she contributed too. No longer does a wife have to fear losing her children to a drunken and abusive spouse, the courts will usually side with her.

      Divorce rates are high because women now have the right to their own body and the right to protect themselves, their financial futures and their children. There is zero correlation between women in the workplace and the rise in divorce rates.


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