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Not The Only Tigger

This week’s poll was about your children…step, natural, adopted and foster. I was pleasantly surprised by what I discovered about my audience!

How many do you have?

When I tell people I have ten children, I get varied responses:

  • *Gasp* How many? (Needs hearing tested.)
  • How did you do it? (Endorsement for sexual education.)
  • You don’t look like you could have that many!

Yes, this is my foot.

Why? Because I have hair? Because my 5″ red, leather platform heels match? Because I am not wearing the soccer mom uniform? Because I do not drive a minivan? And what, exactly, should I look like? If you had an idea how much I am curbing the desire to…. But alas, I digress….

I am not the only Tigger!

Are you sitting down? Place both hands on the desk and lean forward just a bit. Ready?

10% of my survey takers have ten (10) children or more! I am officially not the only one trying to take over the world.

  • 5% have 6-9 children.
  • 40% have 3-5 children.
  • 30% have 1-2 children.
  • 15% have no children.

Whose are they?

In the age of the blended family, you routinely find some version of “yours, mine and ours”. The poll mirrored these facts.

  • 11% answered “Mine”.
  • 33% answered “His/Hers”.
  • 56% answered “Ours”.

Monsters is very inn–ter-esting.

What I noticed in processing the answers was many who answered the poll came to a new marriage/relationship with children and had more children. It was the case with the family with 14 (Pick your jaw up. I did say fourteen.) children. They only started their marriage out with eight.

Like my own child…

I was very interested in the families who only answered “ours”. More than one-quarter of them included foster children without making the distinction until prompted. As far as they were concerned, all the children in the house were “ours”.

Of course.

What I found most impressive were two families in particular who exemplified excellent parenting attitude. One family had three “ours” children. Why did they stand out? Sound too normal?

All three children were of different races from each other and the parents, who saw nothing beyond the innocence of a child who needed a home.

The other was a family with two “ours” children. Neither child had a life expectancy to majority.

What did they have in common? All five children were adopted without the prejudice associated with different children. Adoptive parents are so very special.

~~~~~~~~~~

Can you accept or have you accepted children into your home? Do you feel any differently about them than your own children? If you could, would (will) you have more children?

~~~~~~~~~~

(c) Red Dwyer 2011
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14 Comments

  1. Angela Young

     /  December 8, 2011

    The only reason I only have 3 children is that I had major problems having them. I wanted 14! While I didn’t adopt, I have had several ‘adopted’ children who were friends of my children that seemed to live more at my house (and sometimes all the time at my house) more than their own.

    I have 4 grandchildren. 2 of them came with the marriage to my son, but they are MINE! The dad used to tell them I wasn’t their grandma – grrrr! I understand his reluctance, but they are MINE – just ask them 😉 I have two more by birth. All of these are to my oldest son. When they got pregnant for the fourth one, members of her family tried to get her to abort! I can’t imagine life without my sweet little Marilyn!

    I find it sad that people cut them off from so much by limiting the number of children they have, but that is their choice. But why do they want everyone else to be the same? {sounds like something in one of my blog posts} If people don’t take care of their children (and that doesn’t mean giving them phones and computers…) then it might be an individual that shouldn’t have a bunch of kids. However, the more the merrier I say….:)

    I’m sorry people give you so much grief about how many kids you have.

    Reply
    • Oh, Ang, I let it roll off my back most of the time. After all, they are just jealous! 😉

      I know plenty people with housefuls of children. And it never fails…that is the house where all the other children want to come hang out. That was my house, too. Since the move, and being down to just the little ones, I miss the constant stream of children through the house, but I suspect soon, I shall have my grandchildren running through the house terrorizing playing the way the older ones did and the little ones do.

      Cheers!
      Red.

      Reply
  2. Bear

     /  December 9, 2011

    Soon to be the loving father of twelve. I am about to make a monumental change in my life. I will soon have two more children. Although they already call me daddy, can you hear the huge smile on my face? I love these children as I love my own. And if the new future Mrs Bear or myself could, I, even as old as I am, would like to have another natural child meaning my own. I am hoping the future Mrs Bear will consider allowing me to adopt her two children still at home. I made a promise to her that if something were to happen to her that I would take care of them for the rest of my life…… Bear

    Reply
    • So, you, too, are trying to take over the world! Good on you! I have often wondered what it would be like to have another one, even at this late stage in the game. I know myself well enough to know if I could, I probably would.

      You have made the promise which makes the world for a child. Every child deserves to have someone committed to their care. You are making your fiancee one of the securest women. Red.

      Reply
  3. Thanks Red. Twas another Pastor Steve moment. As you know all too well, this is Grand Central Station. Between our 4, their friends, our friends children, other children that come and go at various times and the 4 that have been “placed” with us, there is a never ending flow coming through. Not long and there will began to be grand-children also. And though I try to uphold my reputation(rough, tough and grouchy), all it takes is an early morning GRIN and a HUG. As for treating different, though each child has varying needs and attitudes that have to be dealt with individually, they all deserve the SAME LOVE. All I can say is that these younger children should be thankful that MY OWN taught me patience and long-suffering. Without that, I don’t think I could handle” The Moose”. Hats off to you, Grant

    Reply
    • I could not agree more! Over the years, and as we learn more about parenting psychology, we handle the later ones much better. I have often, very very very often, said, God knew what he was doing not giving me the handicapped children first. I needed the years of typical attitude from the children to be able to cope with Little V and The Moose. Plus, it helps when I get the midnight tele call from the Big V wanting me to help with some emergency with my grandson.

      And the love of a child erases all the bad in the world. Much love for you and Sue, Red.

      Reply
  4. I gave birth to only 4 boys but with all the boys friends that passed through and still come to our home and with the 4 children that was placed in our home. We have over 40 children that we call our children.

    Reply
    • So good to see you, Sue! I hear you about the crowd! I know my children are considered in the bunch. It takes a special breed of parent to take on the children of others. Much love to you and Grant, Red.

      Reply
  5. Red, as one of the observing and “older” siblings from a very large family , I can see that you have the dynamics exactly right. Kudos! Great job on this stuff, it needs to be in a book !

    Reply
    • I am at the top of the sibling chain, myself. I have seen the dynamic of explaining new sibs from way back before I was explaining my newest arrival to my children. Since my youngest brother was born when I was 18, I completely get the adult children reaction to this subject! Red.

      Reply
  6. My sister has two boys of her own and also chose to foster children for a while and I see nothing wrong with adding children of a different race or background, and indeed it is the outer circle of society that add labels to such happenings, for me personally I see no reason why a child should be omitted from being fostered based solely on the colour of its skin or the background in which it was raised, as all children deserve a loving and homely environment in which to be nurtured.

    My sister is the youngest of five, and I was sixteen when she was born so I do know what you mean regarding a newborn when all the rest of the children have grown up, and to be honest it didn’t make any difference whatsoever, and that is how it should always be in my understanding…

    Have a lovely rest of day and evening Red 🙂

    Androgoth XXx

    Reply
    • Mine are spread out over 16 years as well. There is only 20 months between baby bro and my first. I cannot remember a time when we did not have a little one toddling into something.

      Have a wicked weekend, my friend 🙂
      Red.

      Reply
  7. I always tell people I don’t like children, it is the truth. I don’t know what to do with them and find them unsettling, I often think I will break them. I will never understand why they like me as they literally scare the hell out of me (do you think they know?)

    This has not prevented me over the years from collecting though, two step-sons (mine, mine, mine) and others. Now I have a grandson, he is my lodestone and my revenge.

    Reply
    • Of course they know! It is their way of telling you everything is fine, and you are worth their effort!

      And if I had known how fun grandchildren were, I would have had them first!
      Red.

      Reply

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