Tell Me You Love Me

Last week’s poll asked you:

Do you tell your friends “I love you”?”

The results are in, and changed dramatically toward the end of the poll.

  • Yes, all the time           27%
  • Yes, occasionally         45%
  • No, not often                  9%
  • No, never                       18%

Not Me!

When the poll began, the no crowd was evenly split between not often and never. It was not until Sunday the never’s came to the polls. When I did this survey in person, I was interested in the answers I would get for…can you guess?…

Why not?

The most common answers I got for why people do not tell their friends they love them were (in no particular order):

  • Thought friends would think they were weird
  • Afraid friends would think they were homosexual
  • Did not feel comfortable
  • Don’t say it to parents, so would never think to tell friends
  • Don’t say I love you to anyone

The last answer saddened me more than all the rest…put together.
Animations provided by

I love everybody!

The next largest crowd were the all-the-time lovers. More than a quarter of the people surveyed here (which was more than in person) said they tell their friends they love them all the time.

Most people said they wanted their friends to always know they loved them. So, naturally, I asked another question, which is why I love in person surveys. (Idly wonders if she was a telemarketer in a past life…OMG! Don’t even think that!)

Do they say it back?

Apparently, all-the-timers are friends with one another. Every single one of them answered, “Yes.” Some followed it with “Duh,” while others were kinder to the crazy lady with the clipboard and just looked at me as though I had broccoli in my teeth.

Every So Often

The vast majority in person and nearly half on the poll said they tell their friends I love you occasionally. I have to account for the large group because I designed the question poorly. I followed up with How often is occasionally?

  • Every couple of visits
  • Once a week
  • When I remember
  • Only when I am drunk
  • A few times a year, like on holidays

Note to self:

Dear Self,

Make questions more specific. Specificity is the rule.



Have you taken the new poll? What would make you say I love you to your friends? If an all-the-timer told you, would you say it back?


(c) Ann Marie Dwyer 2011
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  1. Angela Young

     /  December 5, 2011

    I think it loses something when you say it too much. However, I say it every day to the hubs and my children every time I see them (grandchildren even more frequently). For friends, it depends. I try to make sure they know I love them, but too much is rather creepy. I know some of those ‘all the time’ people and they often make me want to run, screaming in the other direction. This is especially true if it’s always accompanied by hugs/touching. Of course that’s where setting boundaries comes into play!

    My dad was one of those that said, “I told you I loved you once. If it ever changes, I’ll let you know.” Yup. After my mother’s passing, he has started to say I love you a lot more:)

    So, all that to say, I guess I’m a middle of the roader.

    • This one definitely needed a true middle choice. And I totally get the creepy part. Truly, I am a hugger…within reason. But I do tell my friends I love them. Not to creep them out, just so they know 😉

      • Angela Young

         /  December 5, 2011

        It only becomes creepy when it’s over done (or done by someone you’re really not that into – ie. love not returned:) I’m a hugger too, but can’t stand whimpy hugs or too long/too often hugs. Some hugs, though, I could do forever:) Those are very rare, however.

  2. This was too funny and somewhat poignant…a sad fact. Some people are afraid to say “I love you” any more. Why is that? Are they afraid you’ll want to borrow the car, or some money, or wear their shorts? Use their toothbrush? Good grief. Maybe it’s “political correctness” again.
    Bear hugs coming up!! …Certainly not WIMPY ones for you, Red!

    • Good thing, too…I hate the wimpy kind!

      I think you are onto something. Angie said it was creepy sometimes. I have to agree it is creepy sometimes, but it my own discomfort with the other person’s meaning or intent. When it is the well-meaning, friendship-showing I love you, there is nothing creepy about it.

      Oh, and do not ask to borrow the (car, money, shorts, toothbrush). 😉

  3. Oh yeah, and “I love you, RED!” “:)

  4. Well I might give a friend a hug if they needed one but I’m not one to be telling them that I love them, I think that my loyalty and respectfulness are enough, well I have my Skeletons to think of you know? 🙂 lol

    Have a Funtasticsuperlicious Tuesday 🙂

    Androgoth XXx

    • And there is not a thing wrong with that! I am so glad a NO finally came out of the closet to rattle its bones.

      I am so very glad for your appearance, and may your Tuesday be terrifying! Red. 😀

      • Thank you Red, there is nothing quite like a
        nice scare of a day or evening to get the Bats
        wings flapping 🙂 lol

        I hope that you day has been a good one 🙂

        Androgoth XXx

  5. bear

     /  December 5, 2011

    Here’s a thought: What if someone say a good friend is truly sad. What if the last thing you said to them is I love you. What can it hurt to express your feelings to them? I am no less of a man for telling my friends I love them. And I dont care if anyone hears me say it. I am by far not a nancy boy but I am a caring person and I want my friends to know that if by chance I never see them again I do love them.

    • I have been known for telling people I love them. Especially when they least expect it, but need to hear it. Glad you do, too, Bear.

  6. Don’t know if I could handle a Bear hug, but friend hugs are fine. As for I love you, well it kind of depends on the circumstance. If they are a TRUE friend, everytime is fine.But how do we know what is true? Guess you need a discerning heart to see the whole picture. Great post Red.

    • True friends are always taken on the whole, rather than for accumulated kindnesses: the good, the bad and the ugly, if you will. Necessarily, true friends are the ones who are there even when everything is boring and drama-free. In and of itself, that deserves a squeeze and an I love you. Red.

  7. I think I fall on the side of – no I don’t not because I don’t love them simply because it isn’t in my nature to be very expressive. I know I should and I hope my friends know I do love them, I don’t have many of them and I hold them quite close. I just have a hard time telling them “I love you”. Hell, half the time I have a difficult time telling my husband.

    • I have often wondered if those who tell Mate but no one else really truly told Mate. I posed this question the first time to a group of couples. I felt like I was hosting the Newlywed Game. They looked to one another to see if they would both tell the truth!

      But it begs the question: If we are not telling Mate, is it because we are weighing our reaction to Mate’s good vs. bad behavior with priority over our feelings?


      • nah, it is simply the nature of the beast really. It isn’t a matter of not loving today because of bad behavior or loving more yesterday because of good. It isn’t forgetting to tell either. It is just simply a reservation with the expression of emotion, I am that way with anger as well. Closely held.


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