You have two ears and one mouth for a reason.”
Who was the first woman to ever tell you that? Chances are, you heard it from a woman who was trying to explain to you why you were wrong. How do I know it was a woman? When women quit listening, men stop talking.
First, you talk. Then, I talk.
Let’s face it. In the generation of text messaging and emoticons, the art of conversation is going the path of Latin. One would think with more cell phones more conversations would be taking place. They well might be, but how many of them are functional?
If a tree falls in the forest, …
If conversation is about what you can say, you may as well talk to yourself. You absolutely need to hear the response of your partner. From that response, you should form your next statement or question.
The survey says…
Humans are impatient. We only listen to the first four words before we begin formulating our response. Can you make your point in four words or less? Really?
Where’s the fire?
Your partner is trying to tell you something. There is a strong likelihood before the end of the paragraph, the message applies to you. Wonder why your mate is not telling this to someone else?
The top reasons partners give for not listening to the end are:
- No time for conversation
- Not interested (based on the introduction…read four words)
- Not in the mood to talk
- Not interested in subject
- Already talked about this
1. Politely say this is not a good time and schedule a time to discuss it later. Your partner will not feel like you are blowing it off.
2. Listen to the end of the paragraph. The rules do not say you have to start speaking the moment your partner stops speaking. Take a moment to decide what to say.
3. Did you consider your partner may just need to talk and not need your input? You may not have to say a thing. It just may be…not about you.
4. Speak up. Simply put: If you have not told your mate you are not interested, you will hear about this topic again and again and again.
5. Listen. If your mate is telling you something for the second, third or eighth time, odds are you are behaving as though you were absent for the preceding seven.
When you are looking for advice, do you turn to your partner? In healthy relationships, partners seek each other’s input, opinion, perspective and advice. Remember that when your partner comes to you with something which does not fit in your cup of tea.
2 more cents,
PS Comments to this post will determine the course of an upcoming series. Please share your thoughts and opinions openly.
(c) Ann Marie Dwyer 2011
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