Road Rage

Ever live with someone with road rage? It is very, frighteningly enlightening. The rager rails against traffic the self-same annoyances and infractions he commits. Beware the rager driving beside you. Know how to spot a road rager? Print this. Make notes in the margins.

The Lingo

Example variable speed limit sign in the Unite...

Image via Wikipedia

Most drivers never notice the things which send the road rager into a tizzy.

  • “Right on my tail” or “Damn tailgater”: A car which drifts close and then falls back
  • “Maniac!”: A driver which passes the road rager
  • “Idiot!”: A driver which needs to be passed

Know in advance the rager’s speed is the only one which is “sane” or accepted.

The Blinking Lights

Turn signals, whether used properly or improperly, are more cause for road rage.

  • The cotton-top looking through the steering wheel,  going around the world to the left searching for a beauty parlor with blue hair dye, merits a tongue lashing and a horn honk.
  • The 32-year-old pick-up truck with no tail gate and one primer fender, which fails to signal a left turn, even after slowing all the way down to 6 miles per hour over the last three-quarter mile (sneaking up on the intersection), earns a tirade, arm waving and possibly a one finger salute.

Fuck sign, not directed at anyone!

The Freeway

Open-road, highway driving is the rager’s bane. Reactions vary by offense.

    • Changes lanes in front of the rager and within 500 feet: at least one obscenity
    • Changing two or more lanes (signal or not): arm waving and obscenity
    • Changing lanes and slowing down: steering wheel pounding, stream of obscenities and the one finger salute as he passes the offensive mobile

Yet, when the rager commit these offenses, he expects all other drivers on the road to be forgiving of his poor planning and inexperience.

The Driving School

Student drivers test the rager’s obscene vocabulary and can cause him to coin new phrases. He prattles, loudly:

    • The cautious nature of the driver
    • Maintenance of the speed limit (despite his being late)
    • The credentials of the instructor (only he has the skills to train drivers)
    • Just to name a few…

The Intervention

In spite of your diplomacy, pointing out to your road rage beast he has done all those things at some point in his driving career is absolutely ineffective. Likewise, attempting to encourage patience and courtesy toward those below his artful skill level is fruitless.

The Best Defense

  • Make sure your horn works.
  • Pull a bit off the side of the road (in southern style), allowing him to pass. (Just do not stop and wait for him to get out!)
  • Know the free cell number to the highway patrol. #HP works in many states.

Top Tip

The best defense against road rage drivers: Stay off the road from 4 to 6 p.m. on Fridays!

Author’s Note: Although this post portrays a male driver, the female of the road rage species is far more unreasonable, undeterred and utterly dangerous.

This reminds you of whom?

© Red Dwyer 2011
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Leave a comment


  1. James Parsons

     /  November 20, 2011

    That is a question I won’t answer. I believe that all of us some little bit of road rage in us, whether we show it or not. Some more than most.

  2. awarewriter

     /  November 21, 2011

    Reminds me of a screaming, horn blowing, gesturing lady (no I take the lady part back) who roared up behind me and had to slow down because I was riding a bicycle near the center line of the road approaching my left turn with my left arm horizontal. Doh!

    She whipped around my right. I glanced over my shoulder after I made my turn safely (no thanks to her) and could see her with head out the window yelling and screaming. Hmmm — bet she would have behaved differently if I was driving one of those souped up cars with flashers on the roof. lol

    • In that vein, one needs believe in Karma. Just think, she probably crossed the center line with her head stuck out the window just in time to be intercepted by one of the boys in blue. Tehe. What a grand thought! Red.

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