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Simply No

Verbosity notwithstanding, this should be brief, since we have already examined the powerful little word “no“.

High Heel Shoes

Not how I recommend piercing one’s tongue

Rarely do I open my mouth and put my foot in it. Extremely rarely. Despite accusations to the contrary, I do not say everything which comes to mind, prattle on to hear myself talk, break my elbow with my tongue nor render all of the information I have. To that end, there is an ocean I neither say nor type.

Benefit: Very little apologizing. Very few mistakes. No athlete’s tongue. A closed mouth gathers no feet.

All that aside, the crux of the issue lies herein: If I take the time to tell you something, give you information or warn you of consequences you may not have contemplated, at least acknowledge I said something in response to what you asked me.

Response

No.I am not looking for accolades. I am looking for sentences which do not begin with the word “no”. I already know your opinion and current facts do not support what I just said. I believed it was why you asked me the question in the first place: You were seeking new information.

Beginning with “no” is not a way to engage in dialogue. The only purpose is to negate what you just heard. When the words following “no” are a restatement of your (position, intent, faulty reasoning), you are attempting to convince me:

  • you are correct
  • I should (help, approve, support) your action
  • no one should hold you blameless in the ensuing aftermath.

Prefacing your comment to my information with the word “no” implicitly states you are going to keep your information, ignore whatever I expressed and do as you pleased before you asked me. In a single word, you have just admitted you wasted my time; disregarded my effort, experience and expertise; and were only seeking endorsement, and then only an engineered one.

Skinny

If in fact, you are only asking my opinion to cover your tail when you fall on your head, know this: I will not stand beside your disaster area with either I told you so or If you had just See, to be present to say anything at all would mean I care. If you really do not care, why would I? I knew long ago you did not care what consequences befell you or anyone else. It only took two letters for me to know.


What is an appropriate way to engage dialogue in the face of new information? Do we really seek new information or merely endorsement?

Hashtags: #communication #endorsement #questions

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4 Comments

  1. A good answer to new information is, “Okay. I hear you.” Beyond that, almost anything, especially, as you note, with the word ‘no’ attached, is little more than a “yes, but” response, totally useless for any change of attitude or circumstance. I say this because I’ve noted the same in most folks; any such query is more of a request for validation than a plea for help….

    But, that’s modern culture for ya; it’s how people are taught to be… indecisive, dependent, and unable to think either for themselves, or, outside any of their assigned boxes…

    That’s all I got right now; pain rules are in effect…

    gigoid

    Reply
    • I can tell by the number of Internet rubberneckers this post hit a nerve. Most of the viewers thought, “No, I do not do that.” So much like everyone I have ever pointed out this behavior. Blessings for pain relief. xxx

      Reply
  2. If there is one thing I hate, it’s when someone asks for your opinion, but doesn’t really want to hear it. Thanks for wasting my time.

    Reply

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