This week’s Friday Follies from my inboxes brought a smile to my face, the occasional tear to my eye and an irrepressible desire to call the police.
I hate Mark Zuckerburg.
Social media has always creeped me out a bit. Maybe it was the early, no, is the persistent ($@&^) is the ever-present parade of cyber stalkers or maybe it was is the river of inbox Lothario’s. Either way, our first gem says it all.
Does this mean you will never poke me again?”
Red has not received your last poke.
In response to (cue trumpets) OK, Now I Can Tell You, this man, who works at “If you don’t know you don’t need to know”, sent me an inbox message. I would have loved to stay blissfully in the dark about his delusional subscription love affair. Can you say 1-2-3 BLOCK?
To all my poking buddies, yes, I will still poke you back. So, why is this message so strange?
I admit it. My playground.
This particular man is a cyber stalker. He does not qualify as an inbox Lothario because he never sent me any messages proclaiming his love (lust). Instead, he drooled and fantasized over my (not often reverent) profile pix and translated some hidden (love-filled) meaning to all of my statuses.
He was NOT on my friends list, had never sent a friend request, had poked me from the blind, had subscribed to my feed (thanx Facebook) and is now forever hidden from my view. Whew!
I need a bomb shelter.
In response to Just, Why?, a resident of Texas got really, seriously personal. She asked,
Why don’t you just come out of the closet already?”
By her estimation, the only people who write erotica are those “who don’t get none”. All righty then. Scratched my head a bit over what I would be doing in the closet…by myself, but sent her the following response:
I would, but the last time I did all the leprechauns got out.”
Still no response. (Whew! Again.)
Time to Sharpen the Horns & Hooves
No one likes a demon…or in my case a demoness. What earned me my tail? Humanity by Disney This tongue-in-cheek foray into my practical uses for lines from animated Disney movies was “just blasphemous”. REALLY?
You got no business saying those nasty things about sweet little kid movies.”
Wow. The Word according to Walt. She argued since cartoons were nothing more than innocent colorful screens to amuse small children, I had to have a “sick mind” to think those “twisted, evil thoughts”. Must never have tuned into Adult Swim on the Cartoon Network. Seth MacFarlane, anyone?
Guess what, lady. “You are a rat with wings.”
Paparazzi?
I have told you all over and over I have a short attention span. It is N.O.T.H.I.N.G. compared to the next Friday Follies winner who never got past the title of the post.
So what are you running here a porn site?”
Clueless in Seattle inquired over my post Take My Picture. I literally laughed so hard I cried over this full page email and some of the comments:
- I wudnt mind taking your pic but I want you to take mine.
- Do I need to buy a camera or can i use my iphone?
- Is it just you or do you has other girls too?
- My ex said i take good pictures but i cant get em published.
I can only imagine where he submitted them. *Shudder* Am I wrong to be thankful he did not include a picture of himself?
I hope your week was wonderful and your email boring!
Alexandra Heep
/ December 16, 2011You really get emails like this? I guess it’s the price of fame. I never get emails in response to my online presence (or lack of), and if this is what I would be trading for, I’d prefer to keep my status the way it is!
Red
/ December 16, 2011LOL! I only post some of the most bizarre ones or the ones I get the biggest laughs. I get loads of great ones, but to post them would be entirely too vain. 😉
Mike W
/ December 16, 2011You need a post on google plus button so I have more ways to “poke” at you. I just love people who hide in their own closets and have the nerve to tell you leave your own. I’m still scratching my head wondering why you waited until the count of 3 to block the creep. I’m guessing there was some sort of amusement factor there that caused the hesitation.
Seriously though, if you’re going to run a porn site, you should borrow some of those scantily clad pics that Mac Pike posts. I wouldn’t bother talking to the guy from Seattle though, he’s probably sleeping and any pics from him are probably of his ex and unpublishable since, at this point, she’s unlikely to sign a model release.
Well… I’ll quit writing now before my comment is longer than your post.
Happy Friday Happy Hour.
Red
/ December 16, 2011ROFL! I do have a G+ button. Hover over it when you press it…the share box pops 🙂 Thanks for the extra giggles!
Red
/ December 16, 2011And it takes three clicks to block 🙂
Mike W
/ December 16, 2011I have only ever blocked one person… The rest I just ignore. LOL
Red
/ December 16, 2011Over the more than 6,000 friends I have on my FB accounts, I have blocked a total of 5 in the last three years. Most inbox hooligans get the point when you unfriend them. Then, there are the stubborn ones (or the ones who were never friends in the first place). Red.
awarewriter
/ December 16, 2011Wife: Have you got anything without spam?
Waitress: Well, there’s spam egg sausage and spam, that’s not got much spam in it.
Wife: I don’t want ANY spam!
Man: Why can’t she have egg bacon spam and sausage?
Wife: THAT’S got spam in it!
Man: Hasn’t got as much spam in it as spam egg sausage and spam, has it?
Vikings: Spam spam spam spam… (Crescendo through next few lines…)
Sir John — late of the rickety round table
Red
/ December 16, 2011LMAO! This is going to be a Friday Follies with funnier comments than the post!!!
grantahelms
/ December 16, 2011Nice Red. Thought SOME of them were funny! Must be the cold…Ahhchoo! Love you, Grant
Red
/ December 16, 2011One was just scary….and creepy! Hope you get to feeling better! Love you, Red.
jell jell @ I'll Sleep When They're Grown
/ December 16, 2011Definite creepers. I can’t imagine going around saying those things to complete strangers, but some people ONLY cyber stalk and spread the funk. Or at least, only spread the funk because no one can see them. They are funny, though. I also love seeing what people google to get to my page. More than once people have searched pull-ups for teenagers. I KNOW.
Red
/ December 16, 2011Oh, my! I have some creepy ones of those as well. A lot of my visitors do not read…Unlike Playboy, they are not here for the articles. Hope you are having a great night! Red.
bear
/ December 17, 2011Set scene: Two detectives enter the home of a cyber stalker. Bill, I’ll grab the keyboard. Bob, you grab the monitor. Bill says, Gee this things sticky. Wonder why? Bob says, The monitor has a film of something on it. I got some on my fingers. Bill says, Taste it. Bob says, Hell no. Bill says, Taste it. Bob says, ok. Licks his fingers. Yuck, bob says. It tastes like …………grape jelly. This guys a slob. And you thought I was going someplace sick, huh? Bunch of pervs.. Bear
Red
/ December 17, 2011ROFLMAO! Where’s the peanut butter? Tehe. Red.
bear
/ December 17, 2011Thats for the follow up I do hope it’s crunchy though!
Red
/ December 17, 2011Creamy is for cookies 😛
valentinelogar
/ December 17, 2011Am I wrong to ignore pokes? I simply don’t have the time.
Am I wrong to reply to the email Lothario’s with pointed, mean and nasty responses? Would it be better to simply delete their unasked for mails without response?
Disney is for children? Since when? Cartoons are for children? In whose wild dreams has this ever been true,one of my all time favorite movies is Wizards. Of course I had to be enhanced to understand the point, I was younger then.
As always Red, you are my heroine.
Red
/ December 17, 2011I think you found the thread between them all: The lack of enhancement. Of all the things I wish I was paid to do, I sometimes wonder if the most lucrative choice would be a dollar for each email I delete.
Do not change a thing. Hopefully, your pointed responses (bullets included) will discourage them from finding my inbox 😉
Love by the bushel,
Red.
lorrelee1970
/ December 17, 2011I’m so jealous of the crazy and nasty comments you get. That means….you have truly made it. I want a stalker(s) and looney folks.
Red
/ December 17, 2011Oh, LL, they are on their way! They follow me everywhere. I just want a corporate account with their tracking software companies! 😉 Red.
Rhonda Meadows
/ December 17, 2011Entertaining read here. I am not sure I will ever have to worry with cyber stalkers. Most of my readers are silent I cannot tempt them to reply no matter how hard I try. *Sighs* maybe someday I will reach an overly opinionated group.
Red
/ December 17, 2011Stick around here long enough and some will follow you to your place!!
Gray Dawster
/ April 10, 2014I must have missed this one Red, well I know that I have misses rather a lot to be honest but I am enjoying it today, looking through the older posts and reading the many comments that you receive 🙂 Actually I might pop over to Rhonda Meadows blog and read up on some of her posts, I wonder why nobody chooses to comment? 🙁
I have been thinking again about the ‘Like’ option on WP and more importantly, considering removing it, I get some peeps that call in and just hit the ‘Like’ without ever leaving a comment. Yes I know that it’s nice for some but I prefer someone to add a little something to the postings, after all it doesn’t take much effort to read it and add a view. I think too often, the ‘Like’ is clicked having not even read the posting, which is a shame I think.
Okay rant over…
Let’s have a nice cup of coffee and a chocolate biscuit or three, I so love to dunk those but then I have chocolate around my mouth, ahhh well 😉 lmao
Andro xxxx
Gray Dawster
/ April 10, 2014Misses? 🙁 MISSED too 🙂
Have a really nice Thursday Red 😉
Andro xxxx
nigelld
/ December 18, 2011Hey Red
Isn’t a rat with wings a bat?
I have never Facebook ‘poked’ anyone because despite being quite broadminded I cannot live with the innuendo.
If you like musicals and get the chance to see a show called ‘Honk’ watch it. It is written for children but so cleverly the innuendos will have the adults rolling around.
And as an added perversion, if you see it, imagine me as the turkey, which I was once in a former life.
Nigel;-)
Red
/ December 18, 2011Why, Nigel, yes, a rat with wings is a bat, which has no natural predators…as in, nothing eats that but bacteria.
I shall look into your musical. A turkey, eh? What is the Zen behind that?
Red.