Love, Love Not

butterfly daisiesI love me. I love me not. Most days, this rhyme ends on a positive.

When asked what I love and hate about myself, I truly only have one answer. I love my intelligence. I hate my intelligence.

Oh, that was not what you meant? Hmm. Let’s hate first, so we can love long later.


I truly do not hate my intelligence, but I really dislike some of the situations it tends to lead me into without an escape hatch. Yes, that is likely the most oxymoronic thing I have ever typed.

Math FunctionsDespite my analytic calculations for the probability a situation will turn a particular way, I end up in half-baked situations with their resultant lukewarm outcomes which inevitably leave me cold. One would think (obviously I do) I would calculate in the chances my soufflé was going to fall. *snort* Not a chance.

The flaw in my mathematics is merely the variables which are out of my control.

I routinely underestimate the speed of stupid, the mass of ignorance and the drag coefficient of insanity. Joint tasks and those which require the assistance of someone else are completed in far more time than allotted. My only solution to this is to move the deadline to allow myself the chance to salvage the work or recruit other hands to help me finish.

My Fault

This failure is my fault in a number of ways. First, I give an inordinate amount of credit. When I speak, I do so under the belief my listener speaks the language. More often than I like to admit, the language I use is lost on my audience because the words I choose are used so infrequently they have not left staccato definition prints on the listeners mind.

123Second, I credit my audience with the ability to ask me to clarify what may be murky in the first rendition. Turns out, no one asks for help. The advice has been dispensed so many times, it has taken root in our society: If you do not understand the question, skip it and move on to the next one.

Third, I will not talk down to anyone. Every summer, my hair lightens to strawberry blonde, and people speak to me slower and in smaller words. It infuriates me. I would rather seem academic than condescending. I speak to everyone, including my children, the same way. Incidentally, dumbing down is not a choice.

Fourth, I believe you and in you. When you say you can do something, I believe you can and you will. This naïveté is rooted in my own honesty: If I cannot do something, I admit it and do not intimate I will attempt to forego such disability in your instance. As it turns out, it is far more a singular tenet than I ever would have imagined.


In the FAB world, I hear from a number of sources I am intelligent, brilliant, scary smart. I am gracious enough to say thank you, yet I never manage to be grateful with a genuine smile. Most often, it is a fleeting wry smile or smirk. My body language is not being counterindicative; instead, it is being more fully honest.

Intelligence is now a wall between me and my complimenting listener. It is a noticed difference which breeds insecurity.  No, not everyone who says it is threatened by me; rather, what filters through the wall is less than before. Someone decides this or that will not interest me because I am intelligent.

Very few in my world have ever been passionate at picking my brain, despite it having long open hours and handy, comfortable baskets.

Love It

Heartfly Fractal ArtOn the list of talents I would give up, intelligence is not one of them. I need it to function and employ it to help those in my sphere function better at their chosen endeavors. Occasionally, I use it to warn others of misfortune, when I know they will be receptive (i.e. They ask.).

I use it to foster one of my favorite hobbies, discovery. Not once have I lost my passion for learning. It tends to keep me out of trouble.

It is an essential tool which helps me teach. I have many students, colleagues and friends who partake regularly.

It allows me to more accurately accomplish, which saves me time to do something I like to do: Nothing.

What do you like most about yourself? Is it a love/hate relationship?

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  1. I truly enjoy doing nothing too however my intelligence makes me feel guilty about it.
    Bearman recently posted..Shark er Shart Week on DiscoveryMy Profile

    • I am so glad I have no guilty feelings. Seems they could mess up a terrific afternoon of doing absolutely nothing.

  2. What you said above also applies to other things: If you do not understand the job/task/instructions/requirements, skip it and move on to the next one. No one will notice. But some of us do.
    Binky recently posted..Get What You DeserveMy Profile

    • Part of my mission is to get more people to notice. Makes me wonder if we have bastardized forgiveness badly enough to account for all of the non-accountability.

  3. I’m no linger introspective enough to actually do that self-inventory.
    I know that I have yet to be dismissed from my job (I am trying…), and that my girl still loves me and occasionally laughs at my jokes.

    That’s enough for me.
    El Guapo recently posted..Flash In The Pan – What’s “Left”?My Profile

  4. The thing I like most about myself is my love of solitude. Like the air I breathe, I need solitude to fully engage with people and life. It is a love/hate relationship because if I were without the need, I would be less lonely. I think way too much and too often. But when I have a busy week with the world at large, I feel depleted and daydream of when the next opportunity to be alone will be.
    Gail Thornton recently posted..Poem — The PrayerMy Profile

  5. I appreciate your intelligence teacher.

    I have many love/hate things about myself. Doing a self inventory to hold myself accountable for all that I say and do keeps me well aware of my faults and errors. Which keeps me well aware of my faults and errors. It’s learning to give myself credit for the positives that I would like to have a love/hate relationship with.
    C. Brown recently posted..I Stole A BikeMy Profile

    • I think that is important, Colleen. You do an inordinate amount of good, despite your inventory of the errors. xxx

  6. I have to admit I like the bit of me that loves those around me and hate the fact I have had to forgive so much! 🙂

    Unfortunately anger is a poison that taints everything around me, so I just smile and walk away! 🙂

    Boy does that piss people off!!! LoL!!!

    Love and squishy hugs!

    Prenin recently posted..Tuesday – A trip to the Co-OpMy Profile

  7. I like that I enjoy absolute quiet and solitude. I hate know-it-all people who can’t even backup their act. Thoughtfulness and good manners get a triple A from me.

    I don’t ask for much and feel I’m a low maintenance ‘friend’, although I hate it that I have an awful time asking for help or a repeat. Funny enough, I don’t think twice when I can be of assistance to someone else.
    Tess Kann recently posted..Flash in the Pan – AroundMy Profile

    • Isn’t it strange the way we apply the double standard? I am with you on manners and thoughtfulness. xxx

  8. I like just being me, I am nobody special but I go through life doing the best that I can, no matter what that happens to be…

    Have a lovely rest of evening Red 🙂 😉

    Andro xxxx

  9. ***intelligence & wisdom. *** What could be better?

    Love flowing to you, Smart, Beautiful Red. Xx
    My Inner Chick recently posted..Facebook, Looking For Love In All The Wrong PlacesMy Profile


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