Over the course of my life, I have accepted what was on offer because it was the only thing on offer. In that acceptance, I have always realized my needs and desires were not in anyone else’s mind; ergo, no one would proffer anything to my specifications. In coping with OCD in a world where good enough is the status quo, coming to that realization was a triumph.
I have been labelled as a bitch because I expect those who are employed to do their jobs. I have been called unreasonable because I expect proficiency from those who are paid to be experts in their fields. I have been described to others as overbearing for expecting logic, or in the very least common sense, to apply to job processes. I have been called a horrible customer because I expect products to perform as advertised when purchased.
I am none of those things. I am insane.
Everyday, I get up with the hope my fellow members of the human race forwent the heaping bowl of stupid for breakfast, made the conscious effort to engage brain cells before committing rote stupidity and decided to employ compassion, empathy and/or integrity.
Why do I do it? I want to believe people in this world, especially those in my life, care enough about me not to reinforce my increasing lack of faith in humanity.
Every single day, I am disappointed. My island drifts further away from my peers, those who inhabit my daily life, those on whom I have come to depend. I am taking my rightful place of solitude where the only person I rely upon is me because I know I will be certain to know my needs before I attempt to fill them. I will not choose what others have because it works for them; instead, I will choose what is right for me.
No longer will I go without so others may have, especially when their poverty comes as a direct result of voluntary inaction. No longer will I downplay my own needs; instead I will give them the attention they deserve. If I do not, no one else will. History proves, when given the opportunity, people merely evaluate my needs as something they are glad I have and they do not; most are overwhelmed and cannot offer a way to help.
Regardless of the press releases, not everything in my life with which I need assistance is insurmountable. I have a good general idea of how to overcome it. More often than not, I only need someone to hand me the appropriate implements or loan me the tools I may not have in my arsenal.
Since that assistance is not on offer, it is time for me to don my red feathers… again.
© Red Dwyer 2013
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