Not For Me

In a fairy tale world, everyone gets married and lives happily ever after. In our world, not so much. Is marriage for you?

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While everyone may well have a soulmate, marriage is not for everyone. The traditional institution of marriage requires:

wedding photo wiki

Compliments of Wiki Commons

  • commitment
  • honesty
  • understanding
  • humanity
  • patience
  • perseverance
  • kindness
  • compassion
  • responsibility
  • selflessness
  • self-control
  • empathy
  • forgiveness.

Not everyone possesses those qualities in sufficient measure to sustain a relationship for a lifetime.

Not The Same

In our instant gratification society, many couples are bewitched by their parents’ idealistic views of marriage and are pressured into an unholy union. Parents and friends push unready, incompatible couples down the aisle. After the honeymoon, reality sets in…

What I Hate About You

The wife hates socks on the floor, the toilet seat up while the paper roller is empty, Monday night football, the way her husband always misses the grass next to the driveway, etc.

The husband hates his wife’s girlfriends calling all day on Saturday, the way men look at her in public, his mother-in-law, “sandwich night”, the way she leaves dinner dishes in the sink until morning, ad nauseam.

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Step It Up A Notch

Soon bickering becomes argument liberally peppered with heated words which can never be taken back, resentment over non-apologetic attitudes and unforgiveness: the cobblestones in the road to divorce. Individuals who cannot choose their battles wisely should not attempt marriage at all.

Mind Your Matters

All of this could have easily been avoided. When outsiders give their opinion on how a couple’s relationship is progressing toward the altar, the united response should be: “We have been charting our road to marriage; however, to date, we can’t get there from here.” Individuals who cannot resist peer or parental pressure should not marry young, if at all.


Couples need to know each other well enough to be able to ask any question and accept the answer without judgment. Husbands and wives must:

  • share
  • cooperate
  • forgive
  • accept
  • sacrifice
  • behave selflessly
  • agree more than they disagree

Individuals who cannot do all of these tasks for a lifetime commitment should avoid marriage altogether.

Warning, Will Robinson!

argueIf a couple spends more than one conversation a month explaining why one partner is “wrong”, marriage is not for them.

If one partner “holds a grudge” and brings up resolved history at the first sign of an argument, marriage is not for this couple.

If petty actions draw out feelings of frustration and anger and/or have been discussed but still remain, this couple should not marry.

In short, until couples are sitting down to discuss their views on commitment, children, career aspirations, fidelity, honesty, retirement, housework, finances, … all things which are pertinent to the married couple, the charted course will inevitably end up in divorce court.

How did you know when you were ready for marriage? Or not?

#Hashtags: #marriage #communication #relationships

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© Red Dwyer 2011
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  1. Angela Young

     /  November 25, 2011

    I don’t think I was ready for marriage, ever. My first, brief, marriage was because I had become pregnant. My second marriage, going on 30 years, I still wasn’t ready, but I knew he was the one. We’ve had some rough years, but through it all, we have similar values when it comes to the important things: God, family…. One quality that helps a marraige thrive is stubbornness, I mean stick-to-it-ive-ness. There were a couple years that neither one of us was going to leave the kids, so we stayed and worked things out. In the end, I can say that it was the crises in our lives that really bonded us, with each other and with our God, and brought us to that point that many never get to because they bail out too soon. It’s never easy, but it’s always worth it. BTW- love your blog. I am thinking of getting my daughter to start reading some of the relationship things:) Hope you had a good Thanksgiving.

    • Oh, Angie, thank you for sharing. And I would love to have your daughter to read. Thanksgiving was wonderful, thank you!

      You bring up a good point about stick-to-it-tive-ness. Many people enter marriage knowing there is a back door in divorce. Those who do are the ones who tend to use it because, at least on some level, they recognize the ill-fated nature of their decision to walk down the aisle with unresolved issues between them and their mates.

      Thank you for stopping by to comment, Red.

  2. bear

     /  November 25, 2011

    Its a great read……. I am in love with a truly wonderful intelligent beautiful woman. We see eye-to-eye on a vast amount of things in our lives, yet we are very different people. She is truly THE ONE. She is also my best friend. I can tell her everything. Sometimes, she turns RED and taps her feet. I know she is not angry with me but RED with the situation. By the way, it is work related. I have known her for a little over a year but was smitten the first time I saw her. I could go on and on about her and may do so, but to her face, so that she can look into my eyes and see the love and admiration I have for her. But most of all respect. I show her the utmost respect. She deserves it. She is the one that will turn RED when I place her on the pedestal and tell her she is my hero. Her question to me is why? I won’t go into details on this part of it, but she is amazing. And I love her with every fiber in my body…..Bear

    • Sounds like the lines of communication are wide open for you, Bear. Be wary of that pedestal…Some people get dizzy and fall off! Red.

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