Prompt: My Shrink’s Opinion

capsulesSitting across the desk from my shrink, with her nodding head and eraser in her mouth, I realize how cool mental telepathy would be. I would know what she is thinking.

Somehow, all of my patients believe what they have to say is important to me, but it isn’t. Not just as important as they think it is, but important at all. It just isn’t. How could it be?

The dog has to go to the vet. Why did I let my children have that sickly mongrel in the first place? Oh, right. Because they are spoiled beyond belief in my guilt-ridden penance for working too much.

I hope the housekeeper finds the note I pinned on the fridge. I think she just claims to have not seen it because she knows it is for her. Clearly she sees them. She has to move them to clean under them. When she told me she didn’t read it to protect my privacy, I had to ask myself, “What world does she live in?” She washes my underwear. What privacy do I really have?

I wish my husband had less privacy. He reminds me of my last patient. Both of them have a complete lack of impulse control. I swear, if he does not stop drinking at dinner parties, he is going to have to take somebody else. Why is it alcohol makes him believe everyone else’s clothes should fall off?

Oh, damn! I forgot the dry cleaning! Again. I really should have a garage sale. I mean, honestly. If clothes can stay at the cleaners for weeks at a time, I obviously have too many clothes. But if I clean out the closet, he will just bring home more crap to fill it up. I wonder what he is keeping in the box I cannot reach.

Which reminds me. I forgot to tell my daughter a package came for her yesterday. I wonder if I should be worried about her online purchases. She has been getting quite a few boxes lately. I know she is hurting over the idiotic boy who dumped her. Puppy love. How charmingly revolting. Maybe one day she will talk to me about it. Then again, that is a pipe dream. She knows what I’d tell her.

Children in diapers are so much easier. They do not talk about their feelings, leave laundry everywhere but the hamper or stay out after curfew. Plus, they never ask to borrow the…

“Isn’t that right?”

Oh, crap! What did she ask me? What is she even talking about? Relax. Smile. Look at your watch. “Let’s talk about it next week. It seems we are almost out of time.”

“Okay, doctor. Do you think we are nearing the end of therapy?”

Not in the slightest. I have no idea what is wrong with you because I have not heard a word you have said in weeks. “Quite possibly if you pay close attention to the world around you.”

You know, if it were not so sad, it would be funny. Why do doctors never take their own advice?


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What do you think psychiatrists think about during sessions? Does this sound like what yours would think?

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  1. Hi hun! 🙂

    I had a terrible problem with my psychiatrists: They assumed everything I said was delusional and that I wasn’t respondiong to the medication.

    After nearly dying on Melleril (Now BANNED because it affects the heart) I was put on Olanzapine which has serious side effects and went from 13Stone to 20Stone.

    Cue medical advice to go on a diet!!! 🙁

    I tried to tell my doctor what I was going through with my tormentors and he insisting on doubling the dose!!!

    Note to self: Don’t trust shithead doctors who don’t read your notes, or listen to you…

    It’s been 26 years since I last had support as I am now neatly pigeonholed and medicated despite needing regular monitoring which I am not getting. 🙁

    As for my tormentors?

    Long story almost at an end as they run out of things to accuse me of.

    They’re not accusing me of crimes these days, they just have an obsessive interest in my sex life or lack thereof… 🙁

    Love and hugs! 🙂


  2. Probably thinking “I have to pee really bad”

  3. They are most certainly thinking of what they could be doing instead of sitting around all day listening to such drivel. But then why not? This happens in every job, people whinging and crying over the trials and tribulations of life.

    I am being facetious of course, I am sure that these doctors do a fantastic job, help countless and have extraordinary day dreams. lol

    A great posting my dear friend, I was drawn to your detailed account and smiled as I recognised life in the fast lane.

    Have a beautiful Thursday Red.

    Andro xxx

    • When I was writing it, all I could think about was all the things I was leaving neglected in the writing. Such is inspiration, no? xxx


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