You are totally different!

Wait, I missed a piece.

If you have been around here for more than a week, you know M3 is out to pick your brain. This week was no different. Well, that is not entirely true. What was picked from your brain was utterly different from the brain pickings from elsewhere. If you are still holding onto your brain, get to the bottom and spill in the comments.

The burning question:

What first attracted you to Mate?”

You had the option to choose up to five answers and to supply your own answer. The survey participants in real life chose very different answers than the M3 Readers.

Which one are you?

Our group this time ranged in age from 14 to 67 (although the upper limit is not fast). Every marital status was represented: Never married, partnered, married, divorced, remarried, widowed. Both sexes were well represented, as were ethnic groups and nationalities. For the first time, the only continent not represented was Antarctica.

(If anyone knows a resident of Antarctica, please pass along the link to M3…idly wonders about sat-com signal in snow and sub-zero temperature.)

Bringing up Last Place


At a lonely little 1%, kindness came in last place. The survey takers considered kindness something integral to Mate’s character, but different from generosity or philanthropy.

Lucky Day by a length, followed by Mighty Mate...

The Pack


Both of these write-in answers were written by 2% of the audience. Both terms were mentioned by the people who answered with either loyalty or dependability first.

Parenting Skills

Not a lot of the pollsters thought parenting was an attractant. Only 2% were drawn in by Mate’s ability to parent.

The nose knows.


Before you think this 2% is odd, think about the question again. While the answers varied slightly, they were about smell. Cologne, perfume and pheromones…Mate needs to smell good.


No, your guess that a painted face is what attracted poll takers to Mate is completely wrong. 3% of those polled thought going without makeup was very attractive. One pollster even went so far as to include her need to be able to camp without makeup.


Another 3% were attracted to Mate’s ability to be a friend. Friendship is the foundation for a great relationship.


Now, they were not attracted to a blonde Mate. 4% of the audience was absolutely clueless what attracted them to Mate. More than a few cited, “We just clicked.”

Work Ethic

Since work ethic includes such characteristics as integrity, dedication and honesty, it is not hard to believe 6% of those polled were attracted to Mate’s work ethic. Most saw it as a sign of stability.


6% of the group saw ambition as an attractive quality in Mate. Some stated it meant boring was not going to be a descriptor for the relationship.


Mate’s charity was attractive to 6% of the polling group. One person said, “It let’s me know how [Mate] will treat me when I am old.”


Some of the audience admitted openly sex was one of the original attractants. 7% of the group thought the ability to be naughty was fun, creative, inventive, imaginative and sexy. Not all thought being naughty was about sex. Some thought it was more about being adventurous and knowing it was okay to break the rules now and then.

Speaks to me.


In a first for an M3 poll, this choice was a complete divergence. Not one member of the M3 online audience chose money as a reason Mate was initially attractive. IRL, people admitted they found Mate’s money attractive. Total, those attracted to Mate’s money was 7% of the survey pool.

Wisdom/Problem Solving

Most of the survey group considered this choice to include common sense. 8% of the pollsters were attracted to Mate’s ability to figure it out and make good choices.

Physical Appearance

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but it is a strong attractant. 10% of survey takers were attracted to Mate’s physical appearance. More M3 Readers admitted this than those in real life.


Laughter is good medicine, but it is also very attractive when nothing ails you. 15% of those surveyed were attracted to Mate’s sense of humor. Just reinforces the adage: A woman loves a man who can make her laugh…and vice versa.

The Most Attractive Quality

Brain Box Full


18% of the group was first attracted to Mate’s ability to hold an intelligent conversation. Intelligence was an indicator of other attractive qualities, such as complementary knowledge, ability to be self-sufficient, “anti-neediness”, ability to support intellectually,  upward mobility and ability to be levelheaded in a crisis.

Always with the Questions…

What was the question?

Always with the questions...

If you answered in the poll, comment with the one quality which survived the courtship to become the most attractive attribute of Mate. If you missed the poll, give your top three of Mate’s attractants.

Everyone take a moment to answer the new poll. You may choose as many as are applicable. If you have not already, read the Saturday Evening Post to see if your choice is named on the relaxation tricks list.


(c) Ann Marie Dwyer

Information about polls and poll results are listed in The Office. Page linked on top bar of the M3 blog.
Reblogging of this or any other post on M3 is strictly forbidden.
Copyright and Privacy Policy are listed in The Office. 

Leave a comment


  1. I missed out on the poll, but I’ll add my two cents worth here. Some quick background – married almost 32 years now. I have no idea if whether or not it is germane to the conversation, but since you mentioned the spectrum of folks responding, I thought I’d let you know.

    OK, I’d be less than honest if I didn’t list one of the highest INITIAL qualities that attract me to another possible mate as physical appearance, but that quality quickly loses its luster if not accompanied with intelligence and humor (or as I consider it wit – a combination of humor with intelligence and a really good measure of both qualities combined). So you may attract me initially with good looks, enough to make me curious and approach, but if you want to keep me and my interest, you need to be intelligent and have a great sense of humor. Unlike physical appearance, which deteriorates with age (let’s not kid ourselves otherwise), intelligence and wit age far better, and if we are talking about qualities in a potential mate, then the most important qualities, not the one that might initially attract, are the ones that will sustain the test of time.

    I have read the above several times and cannot find a good way to convey meaning without appearing arrogant and shallow – narcissistic even. Yikes! Perhaps it would be better not to push the Post Comment button…


    • Not narcissistic at all. It is honest. The lure of physical beauty is part of the mating instinct, not something for which apology is warranted. You will get no repression here.

      Intelligence and humor always top this list because they are excellent qualities we not only want Mate to have (to keep the relationship alive and growing) but also in our children. Let’s face it…if the parents do not have it, the progeny are unlikely to have it.

      After all, if you expect an apple tree to bear persimmons, I may well need to check you for fever. 😉

  2. Interesting – makes you realise that what the Ad people sell is not what makes the world go around! 🙂

    God Bless!


    • You never lied about that, Pren! All the hocus-pocus live-fast-leave-a-good-looking-corpse song and dance is just a money making scheme. More people are honestly looking for others who share their wit or wisdom or have one they may be lacking.

  3. Beauty,Charm,and Wit ……..

  4. A varied result, but the experts don’t always
    have all the answers, even if they think that
    they do 🙂 lol

    Thank you for a very good
    posting and follow up Red 🙂

    Androgoth XXx

    • Hey, now…I am supposed to be the expert! 😛

      I am amazed at some of the things being posted as the be all end all. At the end of the day, they must have been talking to their own family…because the whole rest of the world says something entirely different.


      • Yes I agree with you Red, though in these kinds of debates there are so many different thoughts that it makes the mind boggle somewhat, as one thinks it is a certain way for doing this or that and then someone comes along and offers a completely different angle…

        But it is all very interesting don’t you think? 🙂

        I am going soon, or I will be
        needing match sticks for my eye lids…

        Androgoth XXx

        • Enjoy your cuppa for the morning 😉 Catch you on my morrow, my great friend!

          • Thank you Red and you too have a very nice rest of evening… I hope there are some more calling in on your talk soon as you have done wondrously with these postings 🙂

            Androgoth XXx

  5. Quality: I’m still crazy about his looks. I’m so shallow.

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