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First, First, Again & First

Time to open the stupidest inbox in the blogosphere. Please store any excess IQ points in your desk drawer because reading some of the things in the inbox may cause you to misplace a few. Tonight’s drink warning applies both to spitting and spilling…from waving your arms around. Welcome to Friday Follies!

A First

Tonight, you are in for a new Folly. In a first for M3, last week’s Friday Follies got its very own hatemail. Hatemailing from Michigan, Marcia wanted to call me to task. She did not take the normal tack of admonishing me for airing M3’s dirty laundry in a post. She was not even concerned for the identity of my victims. Can you guess what had her riled up at me?

Are you always so cruel? These lovely people came to you out of geniume concern for the safety of the people you could be putting in danger by blogging. You should be writing posts to clarify the concerns these people have so you are not creating more victims.”

I have already admitted in a SEP M3 is my first time actually reading some of what I write. Mostly, I read it to see what in the world the hatemailers are seeing. This one had me reading the 26th edition of Friday Follies and the posts again to see if somehow I could see what could be misinterpreted. Alas, my reading comprehension is too high.

What did I send her?

Despite rumors to the contrary, all of my victims survived, and no charges were filed against me. I am still hung with the tag Cruel and Unusual, but I rather like it.

M3, like most other websites, carries terms of service and legal disclaimers in The Office. Feel free to read them at your leisure. M3 is not responsible for any readers misinterpretation and routinely suggests therapy for those who do misinterpret.

As to my treatment of those who hatemail M3, you must have missed the portion of Friday Follies where I specifically answer all of the hatemail personally. Occasionally, I do use form letters when I get a group of people who are shy on intellectual capital and/or reading comprehension. Please do note the post script for this response, as it may apply to you.

PS M3 is not responsible for any errors or misinformation based on Google Translate’s inability to properly inflect idioms, sarcasm or humor from American English.

Does anyone know of a competent mental health facility in the Detroit area? Marcia may be in need of services. Or is it me because I think this picture is hilarious?

Of course you should dress your baby up for Halloween...as your entree!

You Are So Right

Mantra has not been doing a good job of staying away from the inbox crazies. She came under fire this week for Just Write Poetry. Unlike other posts and poems where writer’s block has been the subject, tonight’s hatemailer tagged me with another first. Hatemailing from Utah, Mark was very disappointed.

It is entirely possible to write your entire life and never use such language.”

But, Mark was not the only one to notice the first [expletive] to hit M3’s posts. In a hatemail from Virginia, Lawrence was also (nearly) nonplussed by reading Poetry.

When web sites who claim to be wholesome and helpful stoop to using such language they validate all the gangsters and wrappers who think it is OK to use a foul mouth all the time in person and in song.”

Am I the only one who conjured the image of a large present wrapped in a doorag and giant wristbands with a huge gold rope chain as a ribbon and a giant bling tag on top?

And it was not just the men who went ’round the bend. Lita hatemails from New Mexico to complain about the sailor talk as well.

What a horrible example to give budding writers and poets! People like you who think you have to use foul language to impress people make this world a terrible place. You should not encourage such things. Before you know it, all of our literature will be nothing but slang and curse words.”

Wait for it… After opening the fifth hatemail venting about my abusiveness, I decided it was form letter time.

M3 does not come with a warning label because the American public has deemed the words used therein as suitable for any child over the age of 13. Furthermore, impressionable children and young adults are routinely advised to use the Internet with caution. Minor children should always be under the supervision of an adult when surfing the Web. Please have your parent or guardian read this message to you so they may set the parental controls appropriately to limit your access to the Internet.

Knowing expletive is a trending search term for M3, I am quite secure in my position the English language, as well as its American counterpart, are safe in my typing hands.

Play it again, Sam!

I have recently resorted to sending myself email. As if the more than 500 emails I get per day were not enough, I needed to see what header I was sending to people. Surely, a mislabeled email header was the only way I could attract this many of the same person.

*SIGH*

When I got my email, it came appropriately from Momma’s Money Matters. No help there. I was certain I was broadcasting from a suicide help line…not hot line…help line. Why? The torrent of email on last weekend’s Saturday Evening Post. It is the one night were we take a very personal look into life, specifically my life and the ways it intertwines with M3.

For a fifth time, welcome a hatemailer who completely misses the point. Shanna hatemails from Colorado.

I hope somebody files a complaint and has your website taken off the net. In case no one informed you, since you obviously do not know how to research or read about these things, assisted suicide is illegal in the US. At least when you go to jail for helping people kill themselves they will pull the plug on this God forsaken blog.”

Perhaps someone with superior SEO knowledge than mine can explain to me HOW these people find M3. Suicide is not, I repeat not, a trending search term on M3. In fact, I am the only one who has internally searched M3 for the word.

Maybe after reading the post, you can tell me what she is seeing. Any clue what I should write back to Shanna?

Tribute

For the first time, M3 is going to publish a hatemail which was meant for an M3 Reader. I have always withheld the nasty retorts and hatemail which comes from the discussions we have in the comments. As a general rule, the posts get hatemail, so it follows the discussion will ruffle more feathers when the M3 Readers explore the portions of the topic left unsaid.

If you were here last Sunday, M3 put up a post named Per Request. After the SEP, Laurie of Wondering Through Life asked me to give the writer’s version of the poems Shanna misunderstood. I was happy to oblige, as Laurie spends her time writing on request. (Not to mention, it is fun when someone asks where poems that old originated.)

A hatemail from Newfoundland arrived late Thursday evening. Jarrod had a mouthful to say. The pertinent part follows:

Hasnt Laurie heard of email? Or the telephone? Couldnt she just write in like everyone else. What a complete waste of time. Nobody cares what the writer meant to say in a poem. POETRY is about what the people reading it get out of it. Unless the poet sucks. Then you have to give an explanation because nobody understands it.”

Now, I am the first one to admit I am no stellar poet, but I have to say, the ensuing conversation after the SEP had a number of people pegging the intent even if they had no possible knowledge of the inspiration. Since this one is shared with Laurie, I am going to let her answer back. Feel free to chime in with suggestions.

Not in my Yard

Is it a far leap to understand MAD stands for Make A Difference? I know I break all of the capitalization rules by making the acronym stand out, but is it really that bad a breach of grammar for a Nazi? I am doing it for a good cause, after all. Yet again, we have some mad complainants about the MAD post this week.

Honorable mention goes to Katja, hatemailing from the Ukraine, compliments of Google Translate.

I cannot to meet my neighbors what live by me. The man would kill me for to go to his house. He eats dogs.”

The remainder of her mangled hatemail was a mildly paranoid rant about apartment dwellers of  her recent past and drunken parties. I Google Translated her back.

You have nothing to fear. Humans taste more like chicken than dog.”

Happy Labor Day!

Some of the hatemail which fell to the cutting room floor ranted about neighbors who:

  • refuse to mow
  • own junk cars
  • park crooked
  • play loud music
  • Christmas lights up in June, still
  • have parties (without inviting them)

Gizelle beat them all. She intimately described her five nearest neighbors from Arkansas. Some were from the list above. One, however, stars in the following excerpt from her hatemail:

It would not be so bad if the neighbors who like to swing were attractive people. How do you politely tell someone you would rather do it yourself than do it with them?”

Let’s get interactive. Since this was a last minute addition to Friday Follies, I have not drafted but one response. Thumbs up or thumbs down?

If you prefer not to be confrontational, may I suggest an anonymous post card or email. I do suggest one with good graphics so you message is not obscured, similar to the following:

Alternatively, you may use one of my favorite lines, as I have been using it long enough it can no longer be considered copyrighted until I put it into print. It may also do well as an e-card:

~~~~~~~~~~

And that is a wrap from the stupidest inbox in the blogosphere. Tune in next week for the 28th edition of the M3 Friday Follies. I hope you week has be free of hatemail, thongs, redneck neighbors and expletives. Until next week, have a great weekend!

What shall we tell Shanna? And does my answer to Gizelle meet with your approval? Do you have ideas for Laurie?

Just a bit of business: The Weird-O-Meter poll will be closing tomorrow. Please vote on the term you think is the strangest way to find M3!

(c) Ann Marie Dwyer 2012
Re-Blogging of this or any other post on Momma’s Money Matters
is expressly forbidden.
Copyright and Privacy Policy available
in The Office. 



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