On the über-special SEP, I asked for anyone who wanted to respond or expand to step into the SIB. Since then, two people have taken the conversation and moved it along.
First, Val took a piece of the conversation to QBG ~ Tilted Tiara. Stop by and see where she went with a intense look into what parents give children.
Next, Laurie, from Odds and Ends, sent in a guest post. Let’s see where she took a short little post called Which one? (If you have not seen both Which One? and the Tilted Tiara posts, they will open in new tabs.)
The questions were “are you happy or content,” and “which do you want to be?” Well, if you have to think about it you’re not likely happy, and might not qualify as content, but settled. Being someone’s something makes you lose sight of you; in time, the answers to the questions posed become “I don’t know” because you no longer know who you are.
Content is something that should go hand-in-hand with happiness, but all too often it is a substitute. There are those that aren’t even content; they are simply settling for what they have. What causes them to settle? Life threw some curve balls they couldn’t stomach; the train wreck life turned into left them with more scars than they cared to count, and they gave up on happiness.
Over the years, it became something that started to elude them even as those around them were more than willing to inform them of what they did and did not want. The more they were told that what they wanted was not in fact what they wanted, the more they began to doubt their ability to make the decisions concerning what was best for them. One day, they realize that no matter how old they may be instead of feeling sixteen they actually feel a hundred or more.
Some manage to fake it for the outside world while others wear miserable like a bad tattoo that should be removed when it cannot be covered. We are not guaranteed tomorrow; in this life, death is the only guarantee, and some begin to look forward to it as misery starts to engulf them. It is the promise of a life free from pain where you go back to, the one time and place where you were the happiest. The problem with this is that when you do not remember when you were happiest you cannot find it. The feeling is one you vaguely remember when you hear it being described to you.
Settling for the convenient is as destructive as it is counter-productive. While convenience is nice when it comes to having those high dollar boots or your porn delivered to your door, there are times when it’s not productive or protecting privacy. Convenient leads to lazy, and lazy is how we end up stuck in a rut that becomes safe and familiar all the while making us miserable. Whether happiness is the few hours you spend with your fu, em, your friends or just out taking a walk alone, it should be continued regardless of the situation surrounding you.
The ability to sacrifice the things that would make you the happiest in favor of the things that you are supposed to want is not one that should be applauded. Basic needs have to be met, but killing yourself to get ahead or bowing to the will of others for too long can make you start to resent even the things that meet basic needs. Resentment is not limited to things that turned out badly, it extends to everyone and everything that surrounds the bad result.
Lust, love and sex all give off the same endorphins that makes you giddy, giggly and skip everywhere. There are those that come with self-destruct buttons whether it’s drinking until they can’t stand up straight, popping pills, injecting needles in their veins, cutting, snorting or sleeping with half the county, they will repeat the vice until it ceases to be available. Self-destruction isn’t intended that way; to the one performing the act, it’s merely forgetting what has been drowning them for so long.
Figuring out exactly who and what you are after you have forgotten takes time. Figuring out that you were more miserable than you care to admit knocks the wind out of you. Having someone care enough to point out, even in the most indirect manner that you are miserable, the best gift they could give you. Not to say that indulging is always a bad thing; the inability to distinguish between the need and desire to indulge and the over indulgence that leads you to withdraw into yourself and spend weeks in the bed that is the bad thing.
Taking a look within is the hardest look that you’ll ever take. Denial is easy to fall into; it is something no wants to admit. Hell, if they admitted it, they wouldn’t be in denial.
Did you look inside and find that you were miserable? Are still too scared to admit it? What’s so wrong with settling for what you’ve got and neglecting what you want? Can you ever be happy without knowing who you are? Do you ever really know who you are or do you merely turn into a product of the environment?
Hashtags: #happiness #lifeishard #guestposts
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© Red Dwyer 2013
Original Guest Post © Laurie Childree
Watch image © Salvadore Dali
Seven Dwarves image © Buena Vista/Disney
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